I mean I guess everyone is different

Did you grow up in a stable household

You need to get her to grow up lol

Me? Ehhh kinda but not really

I wasn’t instilled with these ideals

Her mom kicked her out of the house when she was 16 so that doesnt help

Had to go live w her dad

That’s rough but hopefully those situations make you stronger and make you want to be better for your future family

that’s my opinion tho

Agreed ^

I’m tryna have 15 kids by 26

Nice

If you show yourself as a strong enough role model with your clean living then she will see how dumb she is being by contrast.

Hopefully

Thats what I’m trying

Lots of people do not grow up in this world we live in. I see it in a lot of my friends too. Im 27

Like all druggies fundamentally are trying to cope with something. If you can show her that she doesn't have to cope with the situation she used to be in then she doesn't have to smoke anymore.

Yeah Ive known that

do you really love her?

or are you just with her because you’ve been with her for so long?

I do love her

okay then you gotta put your foot down and let her know your standards and expectations for her behavior

and make it known you want a future with her

Sounds good

@Pat-MA how long have you two been together?

@Pat-MA Is she redpilled on race, the jq, etc? Is she on board with IE?

@ThisIsChris 3 years and change. @Rick she knows my views and is cool with it but doesnt get into that stuff. But she did make fun of all the Trump protestors after the election calling them babies, hahah

@Pat-MA I see. Pretend you have never dated her and she was being described to you by a friend with the details you are sharing, would you be interested in her?

No, but I am not mentioning all the good things.

And I also do not believe that there is a such thing as a perfect person for anyone. There will be challenges and things to overcome no matter who you are

^this tbh

@Pat-MA I agree. I think "staying together" vs "not staying together" is not really the question now. I'm going to go with the assumption you will stay together and then I would advise that you work with that. The reason her smoking pot bothers you is because you care about her well-being. People usually do that to help deal with their emotions. I suggest looking into mindfulness. There's a great app called Headspace I recommend as an introduction. Maybe you two could do it together. It's very powerful to get control of your mind.

@Anthony Sealy - MO
> When you meet the one that truly makes you want to be a better man, don't let her go. You'll feel it. It won't feel like she's out of your league. You'll just want to be the best you can be for her because she deserves it. That's the one.

I'll forever remember this quote.

I know you said you'll likely not provide other advice, but I like this one so much, I encourage you to share more.

I'm not sure if this is a thing or not but I noticed growing up boys were not really encouraged to trust their gut or intuition the same way girls were. I never really started using intuition until after college but once i did i started making better decisions. moral of the story is trust your gut and you will find the answer

Cool stuff, @ThisIsChris , that is something new

@Pat-MA it's really life changing for someone who struggles to get along in life

Ok gonna finally chime in here. Stick with the mindfulness that is good,also trust your gut intuition, it doesn't lie to you,its there for a reason.

As for the smoking pot,i think for most like myself,its something you hopefully grow out of as i did the older i got saw the people i was around and how they were going nowhere,also didn't want chances of getting caught by cops,i did this in teens,by late 19 I was cleaning out of system & dropped and dropped it all,cleaned self up,didn't want to associate with that crowd.

As to the mindfulness, you have to get it in the right strong frame of mind to do so & make that move to quit for good.

As to the living with someone before marriage, i think that's most realistic, what we did & also what our kids have done to make sure that person is right to live with,to see habits, see if you can handle,etc.

Now i say this as to my life experiences..

I met hubby when i was 20,during Halloween at good friends house. We got engaged by December and started to move in together by then too. In January i turned 21, & there is a 14yr age difference between us,he was 35. Also i saw that he was a good provider or could be again as he was going through divorce with 2 small stepchildren I also took on. But knew he was a good man,good catch & we could grow together. We got married May 28th,which is now almost 24yrs later.

Now I'm not saying was at all easy,in first few years we went through some tough breaks that only made us work stronger together & want to stay together, we both lost our moms those 1st couple years.

Lil later we talked about having a baby as my maternal instincts were kicking in, and at 23 I had our daughter. Which actually beought us closer together and made me a better person.

We have gone through alot as a couple & we had our ups and downs but the fact that we are always willing to work through them & work together, made it key.

I also had my hubby nag me about quitting smoking for those first 2,3yrs and eventually i got in the right frame of mind to quit smoking & I stuck with it,because its something i finally decided on,also being around the stepkids prior,etc helped too

Like i said you have to have a strong mind frame and be at that point to where you rrally want to quit too.

These past 10yrs especially we as a couple have grown even stronger i would say too,and now at point in our lives that things are changing again and we are trying to make honest best for us. With daughter in college, 1 recent deceased dad and now mine who may not be around longer,as that too hasn't been easy since i had him move in with us 3yrs ago,to help take care of him instead of getting a call late at night that he was found somewhere in the boonies,like happened to him when hsi dad died. Honestly i don't think he will be with us much longer either,who knows.

Also we want to moved on out of CA but can't do so realistically for another 5yrs,so have to hang in there. And i want to travel before I'm way too old.

Anyways,final point I'm getting at,is that if you really want something,your willing ro work with & through it together. And if you're with someone who doesn't want ro better themselves at all but constant stay in past,its not easy and will drag you down. Grant it,i return to past alot for references but now I try to make it a habit of moving forward. Without losing those traditional ways of life & values,morals,etc.

I hope my input helps some of you a lil bit.😉🤞

Oh and as far as political, i really didn't start getting into being red pilled,getting into it unil these past few years honestly. At time i was more focused on my marriage,my kids,our life in general. Sure i would look at some things that mattered to me as i had younger kids but i honestly didn't follow it that closely,i was more focused on traditional, normal family stuff. I only got into more so after my daughter left for college & i found myself gojng,what now? That 1st year she was gone was the hardest. But as i also say,I'm at a new 2nd phase in my life & Im re growing again,learning what i really like and don't like,what i won't tolerate or keep quiet about. As i got older,there are somethings ya just don't put up with anymore & you learn to do tjings your own original new way. As i have been finding myself again,rediscovering things again these past few years too.

Please excuse typos,my fingernails hit bad keys sometimes

I just want to chip in.... things don't always get better after marriage, or committing to a long term relationship. Sometimes things are just hidden better. My husband and I went through a tough time, and still are, 17 years later. We have been together for 22 years. I do have a question to think about. Does your gf talk about wanting children. Twenty six is getting up there. Most young ladies know they want children, and the children are what change men and women. .... but not always. I have never done drugs but went through a tough time, including foster care because of someone murdering my Grandmother. I want to suggest not making excuses for your future spouse. Certain things are a concern now, they will most likely be after marriage. Raising children is VERY stressful and rewarding. I know many women who were alcoholics and were addicted to opioid throughout their children's early years, and 1 who lost custody of her son because she was an alcoholic. I hope this helps give some thinking points. Good luck to all looking for their life long loves💛

Good points at what you say,makes alot of sense@PTyler-WA

I also had a somewhat rough childhood do to neglect,so that helped me realize obviously what i didn't want for my child. It can be stressful & beyond rewarding raising kids. If you want kids,ask yourself does she too or does she really, is she serious about it,because if she is,she will stop & get prepared ahead of time because she wants the best for that child,at least most think that way. Mid 20's is always good,or early 30's & is pushing it for some. I know my stepdaughter started thinking about it earlier though & always wanted kids & a family. But she also saw that her mom staying in a relationship for the sake of her half brother wasn't healthy either. As her mom's 3rd marriage wasn't great as she chose partner that was a serious alcoholic, etc. Staying together isn't always easy either so you have to be honest and ask yourselves if its its something you both really want & work towards or not. And hopefully way before any kids come in the picture. But i know sometimes that always doesn't work either so you try to do right and whats best for that child,regardless if you stay together as a couple or separate,you are in that child's life for good.

Interesting stories. To all of the ladies (and men) reading this, you all will get sick of me saying this, if you want better choice in men (women) you must embrace self improvement. As the saying goes, “if there’s a will, there’s a way”

There are a lot of resources and people who talk about self improvement for men but I really have never heard of self improvement for women which is a shame as everyone can improve themselves.

@Zyzz Agreed. Ultimately, the best way for women to become better women is to have better men in their lives.

I will say one thing about smoking grass. It gets in the way with you connecting emotionally with loved ones. It’s an inward habit that takes you away from others. Be present and clear headed in life. Your spouse and children will be better served.

@Zyzz agreed

@Deleted Useragree,well said!

It might not be a bad to listen to a Stefan Molyneux video in which he has a conversation with a young man in a situation similar to yours.

@Tanner - SC It sounds like you're always going on dates

I’m a man on a mission.

I could use some advice for a sort of new relationship I’m in.

I’ve known her for years, she wants to get married, and we’ve been together as far as seeing each other often is concerned (waiting until marriage for sex or moving in together). However she is getting upset over little things and I don’t know how to respond. It is semi long distance but only a few hours drive.

Could you give an example or two?

@Francis V do you Skype often? It was very helpful years ago for my wife and I when we were far from each other

I sorted it out she just wanted more attention, busy schedules and I wasn’t messaging her enough for her liking. We use FaceTime and other such chatting services.

lol I usually have a problem with messaging people *too* much

As much as pick up artists are degenerate

They have a point with keeping replies reasonably brief, the two to one rule

For every two words they send you send one. 2:1 same with time between messages. But really grug just need be grugself

I myself have ran a woman or two off in my younger years by being too available.

Or four

>Grug talk to grugella >"Unga bunga grug tee hee" >Rock fall out of grug loincloth >grug face when

@Francis V in my opinion if you are in a relationship then you shouldn’t be concerned with any 2:1 bs.

Also if you have found a woman you have a real connection with you should be natural. If she feels the same connection to you then you shouldn’t be concerned with putting on a front and do what these pick up artist tell you. If you find a girl who isn’t pleased because you text her first or you send her the same amount of messages, she’s the wrong girl anyway.

That's true. If you've been with her a while it should be easy to communicate with her. You should be able to text her whenever you feel, as long as you aren't doing it out of insecurity or demanding an immediate response. If she's complaining you aren't communicating with her enough that could have several meanings. Could be some insecurity on her part, which isn't always a bad thing.

I agree @JesseJames most PUA are scripted guidelines to make yourself not seem desperate in the first few days of meeting someone. Communication and being your best self is better for anything steady

Right. Just as you want to know the girls true personality you should give her yours. Unless your motives are to fool her for a short amount of time to get her in bed pua are useless.

@Francis V I've heard this rule and think there's some truth to it, but it's so hard for me to implement. It just feels so counterintuitive to me.

@JesseJames I agree that once you're in a committed relationship, you probably shouldn't have to follow any "rules".

However, I don't know if the rest of what you said is necessarily true. Some guys, me included, are admittedly just kinda bad at talking to women and need to give it some extra thought.

@Jacob That means you need to work on being personable. It doesn't mean that you need to learn 5 Cool Tricks To Make Any Girl Like You

You need *6* Cool Tricks To Make Any Girl Like You

Ooooooooh

This Cool Cat Is Talking To Hundreds Of Women, And Basically, You're A Dumb Idiot

Based on a quick Google search, I need to learn *10* cool tricks

@Jacob as far as being personable goes, listen to what people say, and smile genuinely. People like to talk in a conversation, not be talked at, unless you're a uniquely interesting person, which is less than one in 100

That 10 point list was basically 8/10 different ways of saying "show interest in other people"

Which is probably something I don't do enough of

lol I can imagine this tip going wrong

No you’re right about the 2:1 thing it’s not for relationships which are serious. There shouldn’t be such a barrier as message length to a healthy relationship

@Jacob read about body language. That can make a huge difference.

How to win friends and influence people @Jacob

@Zyzz funny thing about that book, the first edition had a chapter specifically for married couples, it was later removed as the book became to be known better as a resource for business-types

But you can find that chapter online

Is it good @ThisIsChris i read the rest of the book a few years ago. It was good but a lot of it was common sense. My grandpa actually recommended. It. He said it helped him when he moved to Cali from an isolated farm.

@Zyzz Oh ya I was already planning on buying that