#im-already-in-a-relationship (Discord ID: 436337800405581824) in MacGuyver - Skills & Academics, page 1

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ThisIsChris 2018-04-19 01:44:03

@Pat-MA haha I think you will not miss drinking very much

Pat-MA 2018-04-19 01:45:26

@ThisIsChris Haha, I have been cutting down a lot. That mainly applies to her because we get into arguments when she drinks

ThisIsChris 2018-04-19 01:52:55

@Pat-MA Things don't have to be perfect all the time, at those times I suggest thinking of times she puts up with or does things for you

Pat-MA 2018-04-19 01:53:35

Thanks man. True stuff

ThisIsChris 2018-04-19 01:55:13

@Pat-MA Pleasure to put in my two cents

Anthony Sealy - MO 2018-04-19 02:21:57

Only advice I'll probably ever give here, take it or leave it... It's cliché, but: when you meet the one that truly makes you want to be a better man, don't let her go. You'll feel it. It won't feel like she's out of your league. You'll just want to be the best you can be for her because she deserves it. That's the one.

johnnyc 2018-04-19 02:34:59

tfw u had that but were too young and stupid to realize it

Pat-MA 2018-04-19 02:49:26

Why what happened with your relationship?

Tanner - SC 2018-04-19 16:56:21

Living together before marriage is not trad.

Jacob 2018-04-19 20:14:37

I never understood what's wrong with just living together

Jacob 2018-04-19 20:14:55

Isn't sex before marriage supposed to be the degenerate part?

Pat-MA 2018-04-19 21:29:18

Unfortunately in the world we live in it is easier to cohabitate in many cases. As for the sex before marraige, it is difficult to get married in your early 20s due to financial reasons/ finding a woman who is mature enough

SamanthaM 2018-04-19 21:32:12

Both living together and having sex outside of marriage are disastrous for relationships.
Living together causes scandal. It let's other couples know that cohabitation is appropriate. Not only that, but it is a slight to any good woman's reputation.

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:25:43


Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:26:01

Not in todays world

John O - 2018-04-20 00:28:42

I have to agree. In a time before such rampant degeneracy was the norm, it would go without saying that living together before marriage would be a bad move. Unfortunately, because so many people engage in antisocial behaviour, I would think it would be advisable to spend at least a year together under the same roof before you get married. Maybe move in together after your engagement, but I don't think it's wise to never cohabitate before it's too late. Living together gives you an opportunity to see what someone is really like. Unfortunately, you really can do that, unless you spend most of your free time together

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:28:43

How can you advance a relationship if marraige is not possible at the moment?

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:29:39

Unfortunately getting married is not as easy as it used to be

SamanthaM 2018-04-20 00:30:48

@John O - Just because something is the norm does not make it moral.

John O - 2018-04-20 00:31:46

@SamanthaM that's not the point I was making. I was making the point that in order to find out if someone is really who they say they are, you have to spend a majority of your free time with them, and that is really only possible if you live together

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:32:27

And with the high divorce rate it is good to be 100% sure you can sustain a marraige.

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:33:01

I have heard people say living together makes you more likely to break up, but I think those people went in with the wrong intentions

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:33:22

For example you don't move in together to only save money

SamanthaM 2018-04-20 00:33:36

@John O - That I'd agree with. Everything is fine up to the point of cohabitation.

John O - 2018-04-20 00:36:17

That's what I'm saying, though. I, and many other young people like me spend well beyond 40 hours at work every week. I don't have time every day to spend with people who don't live in my house. Before I marry a woman, I want a trial period of at least a year under the same roof so that I can get to know them as well as possible. Spending two or three days together a week isn't nearly enough.

John O - 2018-04-20 00:38:43

Please excuse the typos, I'm using voice to text

Deleted User 2018-04-20 00:39:08

I'm gonna have to agree with John on this one

Deleted User 2018-04-20 00:39:29

I don't see how it's immoral per say

John O - 2018-04-20 00:40:03

I absolutely see how it's immoral, however, it's an unfortunate reality of the times we live in

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:40:34

Yeah the cost of a wedding and then buying a house combined is insane

John O - 2018-04-20 00:40:51


SamanthaM 2018-04-20 00:42:58

Weddings don't have to be expensive. Lots of fantastic ways to save.

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:43:19

At least where I live if you want a good wedding its probably at least 15k, then if you want a house in a good town/neighborhood its at least 300k

John O - 2018-04-20 00:43:27

My parents got married in a park for next to nothing

givemetheafd 2018-04-20 00:43:41

yeah how do we avoid the wedding ((()))

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:44:05

Everyone has their own preference, but I would like my friends and family to be there.

John O - 2018-04-20 00:45:01

@SamanthaM again, I just want to stress that you are correct, cohabitating is immoral, I just don't see a way around it

SamanthaM 2018-04-20 00:45:18

Major cost is the reception. Holding it at someone's home is a great way to save on that expense.

Deleted User 2018-04-20 00:45:23

Pretty sure the wedding is expensive as *you* make it

Deleted User 2018-04-20 00:46:06

unless you need a church or what not for religious stuffs

SamanthaM 2018-04-20 00:46:34

@John O - It's tough. Sin in the modern world is almost unavoidable.

givemetheafd 2018-04-20 00:46:41

Im glad ive found people who agree that living together isnt wholesome

Deleted User 2018-04-20 00:46:54

redpill me on how it's a sin

John O - 2018-04-20 00:46:58

I need to start going to Church again

John O - 2018-04-20 00:47:36

@Deleted User because it leads to premarital sex

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 00:47:58

Some couples who live together are basically married but without the formality

John O - 2018-04-20 00:48:09


Deleted User 2018-04-20 00:48:13

eh, I guess I can see that

givemetheafd 2018-04-20 00:48:39

Putting yourself in situations where someone you love is sleeping right next to you = premarital sex

givemetheafd 2018-04-20 00:48:53

Which is avoidable

John O - 2018-04-20 00:49:54

I don't know, man, if I'm living with a girl, I'm not going to pull the fifties married couple different bed shit

givemetheafd 2018-04-20 00:50:30

that was only in movies

givemetheafd 2018-04-20 00:50:41

if youre married, I think youre allowed to

John O - 2018-04-20 00:51:05

I know. I was just pointing out an example

SamanthaM 2018-04-20 00:55:41

Ignoring the religious aspect, this article points out some detrimental statistics concerning cohabitation. https://www.google.com/amp/s/mylordandmyblog.wordpress.com/2009/02/24/seven-reasons-why-living-together-before-marriage-is-not-a-good-idea/amp/

Deleted User 2018-04-20 00:58:50

ok thanks

Deleted User 2018-04-20 01:04:22

@SamanthaM All of the things he mentions are correlations but I see no proof that living together causes those problems. People who live together do so for many reasons. Some have a more liberal attitude regarding relationships and are therefore more likely to divorce. But that doesn't mean living together causes divorce. Or any of the other problems like violence or alcohol problems.

SamanthaM 2018-04-20 01:11:39

It's not necessarily *living together.* It's *living together before marriage.* Marriage is a a responsibility, like anything else. What the results are pointing to is that people who do not take this responsibility seriously are more likely to be irresponsible in other matters.

Deleted User 2018-04-20 01:15:45

I was also thinking that people on the lower rungs of society are more likely to cohabitate for economic reasons

Deleted User 2018-04-20 01:16:24

so just by shear numbers of the type of people who cohabitate first can add to those numbers

Deleted User 2018-04-20 01:16:29

if that made sense

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-20 01:18:47

I agree with the general perception that, if a woman lives together with a man, doesn't marry him and then tries to continue dating she is seen as sullied, in the trad worldview at least.

Deleted User 2018-04-20 01:21:30

@SamanthaM Exactly. That's correlation, not causality. If a responsible couple decides to live together without being married for whatever reason, they won't become more likely to have negative consequences just for that reason. The same as just because irresponsible couple gets married, doesn't mean they will stop drinking or being irresponsible.

Deleted User 2018-04-20 01:35:45

One piece of advice gentlemen. If you break up with a girl, make her a complete stranger. No contact. Delete on line photos immediately. Delete her contact information and look forward completely. In addition once you get serious with a woman, drop all female friends. Don’t ever allow yourself to be in a room alone with another woman, even at work if you can.

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-20 01:36:05


Pat-MA 2018-04-20 01:46:34

What would have happened to the couples who struggled with such problems that the article mentions if they got married and then lived together?

zsaopx30zc 2018-04-20 03:03:20

you have to work them out because you have a preexisting bilateral commitment to do so

Rick 2018-04-20 03:17:48

I wonder why the mod had to issue that announcement. Was there a problem in the chat?

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 03:19:47

@Deleted User I learned that lesson the hard way.

ThisIsChris 2018-04-20 03:42:35

@Rick there was an article about "female hypergamy" posted that I removed. I made the announcement to make sure everyone is on the same page that we are here to help IE members and not to lament the status (accurately or not) of dating today.

Rick 2018-04-20 03:49:45

@ThisIsChris ha. ok. I thought it be something like that.

Rick 2018-04-20 03:52:13

If there is one piece of advice that I can offer my fellow goyim it is to never marry a girl for whom you have to compromise on your principles for. That will never work. Take it from someone who is redpilled and married to someone who isn't. It's rough. It's almost as bad has having different religions.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 03:53:46

I got so incredibly lucky. I sat down with my now fiance about the JQ and race realism and all of it and she agreed with me

Rick 2018-04-20 04:00:19

@Patient Zero What lesson did you learn?

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:02:23

To forget a girl when she ghosts you.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:02:40

Never go back.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:03:07

If it didn't work the first time, their is a reason for that.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:04:26

I was especially vulnerable because I am far too trusting and hate being single.

Rick 2018-04-20 04:05:32

It's understandable. do you think you would ever make that mistake again or have you outgrown that?

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:06:18

Well, I'm getting married in June, so hopefully I wont have to be in that situation again

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:06:37

But I think I outgrew the negative side of that for the most part.

JesseJames 2018-04-20 04:11:32

Bros I hate to disagree but as a man being red pilled you absolutely do not have to have a woman whom is. While my wife is smart enough to see most of the bs going on in society today she doesn't involve her self with it. My wife is a total normie and that is perfectly fine. She is concerned with our kids and our house. She has no reason to be politically involved and that is perfectly fine. She knows my opinions and agrees with me but she doesn't have even the slightest itch to be concerned with this stuff. We have been married for 12 years and together for 15.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:13:05

Perhaps I should clarify. My Fiance is apolitical. She happily agrees with my points and cares about other things. I very much enjoy it this way.

JesseJames 2018-04-20 04:15:26

^ sounds good.
As long as she shares your morales and values that's what means the most.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:15:41

Completely agree

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:16:05

I find most woman are that way unless they get pushed into it.

Rick 2018-04-20 04:16:18

My wife is pretty apolitical. She definitely leans towards disagreement with me, but she is mostly indifferent.

Rick 2018-04-20 04:17:26

But that indifference bothers me. It might be what others want, but it bothers me.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 04:18:01

I get that, but back when women were women and men were men, it wasn't a problem.

Rick 2018-04-20 04:24:37


Deleted User 2018-04-20 13:00:19

@Patient Zero I’ve made the mistake too, and I’ve watched several of my friends doing the same thing. That’s why I always stress that protocol now.

Deleted User 2018-04-20 13:02:13

@JesseJames my wife is not red pilled either but she stays at home and takes care of our four kids, which was my top priority. Having a family unit is more important to me than having a red pilled wife. She doesn’t even think about politics anyways and votes republican because I tell her to.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 13:40:19

Isn't that just a better system in general?

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 13:41:21

I'm so glad I found that. I know a lot of the younger guys in this movement are having a lot of trouble finding a girl who can at least be unbrainwashed or isn't and ideologue.

Deleted User 2018-04-20 14:55:06

@Patient Zero once you have kids most women focus on that and the politics and philosophy no longer matter to them. They just need to fill their time up with child rearing to get their head right.

Patient Zero 2018-04-20 15:14:30

Tis a gift. One I respect.

JesseJames 2018-04-20 16:49:48

@Deleted User you and I are on the same level my friend.

Deleted User 2018-04-20 17:21:07

@JesseJames cheers to that sir. We’re on to something.

Pat-MA 2018-04-20 20:53:22

@Rick when you say compromise your principals, are you taking about any specific principals? Or morals and values in general

Rick 2018-04-21 02:49:04

@Pat-MA I guess I compromised all around. I was not as selective as I should have been. My standards were too low. I settled. I have learned that you are better off being alone than with someone you aren't compatible with or head over heels in love with. It makes you feel trapped. No matter how anguishing loneliness is, being stuck in a relationship with someone you aren't happy with is worse. Curing loneliness is much easier than getting out of a bad relationship.

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 02:54:13

^^^ literally my situation for the past 5 years

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 02:54:35

Just ended it yesterday

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 02:54:53

I feel liberated

Rick 2018-04-21 03:07:00

Glad to hear that. Not sure how to tag you.

Freiheit - CA 2018-04-21 03:53:56

Yeah, fix your name Pinoche Ball @𝖕 𝖎 𝖓 𝖔 𝖈 𝖍 𝖊 𝖙 𝖇 𝖆 𝖑 𝖑#2036

Pat-MA 2018-04-21 04:27:37

And how do you know if you should stay or leave?

ThisIsChris 2018-04-21 06:15:41
Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:18:31

Cant the mods fix my name independently in each server? If i change it doesnt it change it in every server?

Freiheit - CA 2018-04-21 06:18:48

It can't be read on phones because of the font

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:19:05

Im on a phone lol

Freiheit - CA 2018-04-21 06:19:10

all we see is boxes with questionmarks in them

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:19:13

Ill change it

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:19:17

Thats lame af

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:19:33

My phone displays it fine. Man... ghey

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:19:37

K gimme a min

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:20:26


Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:20:49

No change?

Freiheit - CA 2018-04-21 06:21:51


Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:30:01


Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:30:11

Why has nobody else told me lmao

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:30:42

Its been like that for like two weeks 😂

Freiheit - CA 2018-04-21 06:31:12

@Pinochetball I think @Rick alluded to it

Freiheit - CA 2018-04-21 06:31:19

he wasn't sure how to tag you

Freiheit - CA 2018-04-21 06:31:36

probably whoever let you in the server has the same phone as you

Pinochetball 2018-04-21 06:36:47

Well in all the other servers im in nobody said anything other than "hey did you change your name?"

Oh well

Deleted User 2018-04-22 17:20:36

@Pat-MA how do you know if you should leave? Ask yourself if you want to have kids with her. If not, bail.

ThisIsChris 2018-04-22 19:07:28

@Pat-MA basically this. If you've been together so many years you have to figure out what you want for both of your sakes, and as @Deleted User said the natural objective of a relationship is the family

Pat-MA 2018-04-23 00:39:19

Good takes, goys.

Pat-MA 2018-04-29 23:49:49

Gf can’t understand why I don’t like it when she drinks and smokes marijuana. I have no problem if she has a drink or two at brunch, mostly the smoking I don’t like. When I give her a hard time she thinks I am trying to change who she is. Anyone else ever deal with this?

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-29 23:51:03

Yeah, I don't have a moral problem with weed per say, but habitual use does make you retarded. Smoking in general is unhygienic, a big turn off when females do it.

Pat-MA 2018-04-29 23:51:32

Maybe I’m being too rigid...

Pat-MA 2018-04-29 23:52:04

She has toned it down a lot since meeting me

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-29 23:52:29

I wouldn't say you are trying to change who she is, smoking is a superficial thing, and superficial things aren't part of a person's core attributes.

Pat-MA 2018-04-29 23:52:48

Exactly. She doesn’t want to hear it though

Washington 2018-04-29 23:53:22


Attrition in the desert 2018-04-29 23:53:36

Idk man, if she seems to make an effort about toning it down for you that's good though.

Washington 2018-04-29 23:54:54

I used to date some people who smoked weed. I know people who smoke once a month and some once a day. One of the most degenerate things I have ever heard was my buddy in college would smoke with his mom and his dad would buy drugs off his friends. I'm not saying that is where things are headed, but the older you get, the less it should be used and there should be a drop off point

Pat-MA 2018-04-29 23:55:17

Fortunately, that is the direction its going

Deleted User 2018-04-29 23:55:31

Weed culture is arguably worse than weed itself

Washington 2018-04-29 23:55:40


Attrition in the desert 2018-04-29 23:55:49

I remember my one experience with pot pretty vividly, I tried and immediately felt pity for the people that had to fuck themselves up this much every day just to cope with reality.

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-29 23:57:38

For sure, every transaction is a brush with the law. Not something you would want in a waifu.

Virgil 2018-04-29 23:58:28

Maybe you could try just slowly transitioning her away from it by telling her about the toxicity of the culture

Washington 2018-04-30 00:01:23

Most people who smoke know it's bad for them and know it's not good culturally. Unless they're major shitlibs who watch AJ+ regularly and think the word marijuana has racial connotations, lmao. I believe that you should keep a record how many times she smokes in a month or two and then you have a proper baseline. See if she can reduce it further and you'll do something for her. Don't make it about how you feel about it culturally. Make it about her health.

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:02:08

@Virgil i think i am doing that at least unconciously a bit. She had a tough home situation growing up- divorced parents, didnt feel loved by her mom, and definitely uses it to cope whether she knows it or not.

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:02:48

Ok yeah I’ll stress her health. But she still says well I can do what I want! Like a little girl

TV 2018-04-30 00:03:13

You ever think maybe there's too many red flags you're overlooking?

Virgil 2018-04-30 00:03:35

Maybe you could try introducing her to a new hobby or activity that could help her cope. Like biking, cooking, mma or something to that effect.

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:05:21

Its tough to get her into something new as she is a stubborn irish girl haha. And @TV i did notice some red flags, but I believe the positives greatly outweigh those. And she did have a difficult family situation, so if we were to have a daughter I would not let that happen, and I don’t believe she would either

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:07:34

Marijuana is gay

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:07:37

We have fun, works a ton and very hard, enjoy each others company, takes care of me and vice versa

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:07:48

You need to patrol her

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:07:48

Shes honest truthful and punctual

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:08:01

What do you mean stephanie

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:08:08

Do you wanna marry her and have her be the mother of your kids??

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:08:25

Yeah as long as she doesn’t smoke

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:08:26

Be in charge of her.. if you want her to quit make her quit lol

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:09:13

Have you ever dealt with the stubborn irish?

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:09:38

Maybe tell her you intend to marry her and have her be the mother of your children and you can’t have her smoke if that’s the case

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:09:47


Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:10:28

Yes my bf @Whitelash is a stubborn nibba but I got him to stop smoking by nagging

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:10:55


Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:11:01

Alright then

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:11:41

Yessss ^

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:12:24

Ultimately, you are in charge

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:12:30

is she the type of woman to accept that?

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:12:35

Or is she a feminist

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:12:44

if she knows you’re in charge then it’s easy

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-30 00:12:59


Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:13:02

Shes not a feminist haha but she does not like being told what to do. But neither do I

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:13:17

No one likes being told what to do

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:13:32

but still she needs to know her place

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:13:52


TV 2018-04-30 00:14:06

Girls will argue all the time, but if they value you they'll cooperate

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:14:40

If she’s been smoking habitually then she isn’t gonna stop easily so even if she agrees to stop it’s gonna be a challenge

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:15:11

If you tell her to stop and she’s goes on a feminist rant saying you can’t tell her what to do then you have a big problemo

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:15:31

Maybe it would be good to tell her that you care about her and that’s why you need her to stop

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:15:35

Because you want a future with her

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:17:57


Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:18:21

Yeah she always argues when i bring it up but she has been slowing down throughout the relationship

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:18:36

Argues how?

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:18:42

Does she downplay it that it’s not a big deal?

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:21:27

Honestly just tell her she’s being a degenerate

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:21:39

be nice about it tho

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:21:53

Yeah she doesnt think theres anything wrong with it

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:22:00

that’s an issue then

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:22:00

But it was the life she grew up with

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:22:21

does she think she can be a proper mother and wife by abusing substances ?

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:22:42

Does she prioritize marriage and motherhood?

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:22:49

Well if i bring that up she says she wont do it if we had kids

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:22:51

start there and everything else will come into place

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-30 00:22:57

We all have to outgrow childish things.

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:23:09

Yeah I just want her to outgrow it

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:23:19

How old she is?

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:23:23


Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:23:38


Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:23:41


Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:23:41


Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:24:08


Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:24:29

like I’m 20 and I never did any of that stuff and I’ve always been geared towards marriage and motherhood

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:24:29

I mean I guess everyone is different

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:24:44

Did you grow up in a stable household

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:24:49

You need to get her to grow up lol

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:25:00

Me? Ehhh kinda but not really

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:25:09

I wasn’t instilled with these ideals

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:25:48

Her mom kicked her out of the house when she was 16 so that doesnt help

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:25:56

Had to go live w her dad

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:26:22

That’s rough but hopefully those situations make you stronger and make you want to be better for your future family

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:26:31

that’s my opinion tho

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:26:37

Agreed ^

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:26:43

I’m tryna have 15 kids by 26

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:27:10


Attrition in the desert 2018-04-30 00:27:15

If you show yourself as a strong enough role model with your clean living then she will see how dumb she is being by contrast.

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-30 00:27:23


Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:27:29

Thats what I’m trying

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:28:01

Lots of people do not grow up in this world we live in. I see it in a lot of my friends too. Im 27

Attrition in the desert 2018-04-30 00:28:38

Like all druggies fundamentally are trying to cope with something. If you can show her that she doesn't have to cope with the situation she used to be in then she doesn't have to smoke anymore.

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:30:21

Yeah Ive known that

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:33:36

do you really love her?

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:33:47

or are you just with her because you’ve been with her for so long?

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:34:10

I do love her

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:34:46

okay then you gotta put your foot down and let her know your standards and expectations for her behavior

Stephanie 2018-04-30 00:34:53

and make it known you want a future with her

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 00:35:12

Sounds good

ThisIsChris 2018-04-30 01:30:25

@Pat-MA how long have you two been together?

Rick 2018-04-30 01:38:16

@Pat-MA Is she redpilled on race, the jq, etc? Is she on board with IE?

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 20:40:12

@ThisIsChris 3 years and change. @Rick she knows my views and is cool with it but doesnt get into that stuff. But she did make fun of all the Trump protestors after the election calling them babies, hahah

Rick 2018-04-30 21:38:47

@Pat-MA I see. Pretend you have never dated her and she was being described to you by a friend with the details you are sharing, would you be interested in her?

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 21:39:18

No, but I am not mentioning all the good things.

Pat-MA 2018-04-30 21:40:49

And I also do not believe that there is a such thing as a perfect person for anyone. There will be challenges and things to overcome no matter who you are

Zyzz 2018-04-30 22:46:18

^this tbh

ThisIsChris 2018-04-30 23:12:46

@Pat-MA I agree. I think "staying together" vs "not staying together" is not really the question now. I'm going to go with the assumption you will stay together and then I would advise that you work with that. The reason her smoking pot bothers you is because you care about her well-being. People usually do that to help deal with their emotions. I suggest looking into mindfulness. There's a great app called Headspace I recommend as an introduction. Maybe you two could do it together. It's very powerful to get control of your mind.

Tanner - SC 2018-05-01 01:02:01

@Anthony Sealy - MO
> When you meet the one that truly makes you want to be a better man, don't let her go. You'll feel it. It won't feel like she's out of your league. You'll just want to be the best you can be for her because she deserves it. That's the one.

I'll forever remember this quote.

I know you said you'll likely not provide other advice, but I like this one so much, I encourage you to share more.

Zyzz 2018-05-01 01:09:29

I'm not sure if this is a thing or not but I noticed growing up boys were not really encouraged to trust their gut or intuition the same way girls were. I never really started using intuition until after college but once i did i started making better decisions. moral of the story is trust your gut and you will find the answer

Pat-MA 2018-05-01 02:13:06

Cool stuff, @ThisIsChris , that is something new

ThisIsChris 2018-05-01 02:16:42

@Pat-MA it's really life changing for someone who struggles to get along in life

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:35:30

Ok gonna finally chime in here. Stick with the mindfulness that is good,also trust your gut intuition, it doesn't lie to you,its there for a reason.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:38:39

As for the smoking pot,i think for most like myself,its something you hopefully grow out of as i did the older i got saw the people i was around and how they were going nowhere,also didn't want chances of getting caught by cops,i did this in teens,by late 19 I was cleaning out of system & dropped and dropped it all,cleaned self up,didn't want to associate with that crowd.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:39:37

As to the mindfulness, you have to get it in the right strong frame of mind to do so & make that move to quit for good.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:41:25

As to the living with someone before marriage, i think that's most realistic, what we did & also what our kids have done to make sure that person is right to live with,to see habits, see if you can handle,etc.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:41:45

Now i say this as to my life experiences..

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:46:06

I met hubby when i was 20,during Halloween at good friends house. We got engaged by December and started to move in together by then too. In January i turned 21, & there is a 14yr age difference between us,he was 35. Also i saw that he was a good provider or could be again as he was going through divorce with 2 small stepchildren I also took on. But knew he was a good man,good catch & we could grow together. We got married May 28th,which is now almost 24yrs later.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:47:30

Now I'm not saying was at all easy,in first few years we went through some tough breaks that only made us work stronger together & want to stay together, we both lost our moms those 1st couple years.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:48:54

Lil later we talked about having a baby as my maternal instincts were kicking in, and at 23 I had our daughter. Which actually beought us closer together and made me a better person.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:50:23

We have gone through alot as a couple & we had our ups and downs but the fact that we are always willing to work through them & work together, made it key.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:52:52

I also had my hubby nag me about quitting smoking for those first 2,3yrs and eventually i got in the right frame of mind to quit smoking & I stuck with it,because its something i finally decided on,also being around the stepkids prior,etc helped too

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:53:49

Like i said you have to have a strong mind frame and be at that point to where you rrally want to quit too.

celticflame 2018-05-02 11:58:23

These past 10yrs especially we as a couple have grown even stronger i would say too,and now at point in our lives that things are changing again and we are trying to make honest best for us. With daughter in college, 1 recent deceased dad and now mine who may not be around longer,as that too hasn't been easy since i had him move in with us 3yrs ago,to help take care of him instead of getting a call late at night that he was found somewhere in the boonies,like happened to him when hsi dad died. Honestly i don't think he will be with us much longer either,who knows.

celticflame 2018-05-02 12:00:01

Also we want to moved on out of CA but can't do so realistically for another 5yrs,so have to hang in there. And i want to travel before I'm way too old.

celticflame 2018-05-02 12:03:32

Anyways,final point I'm getting at,is that if you really want something,your willing ro work with & through it together. And if you're with someone who doesn't want ro better themselves at all but constant stay in past,its not easy and will drag you down. Grant it,i return to past alot for references but now I try to make it a habit of moving forward. Without losing those traditional ways of life & values,morals,etc.

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