Message from SuperTomPerry -RI in MacGuyver - Skills & Academics #i-am-single
Yeah, but social skills written by guys who only figured out how to be social when they were 25
Any advice for messaging a girl on Instagram? Someone that has mutual friends followed me and I figured why not, she's cute and her page is free of thottery. She goes to the university I'll be transferring to next year. Obviously my intention would be to get to know her in person, but any tips for just making an attractive first impression?
I'm not sure if this is the best first impression, but an easy innocuous way to start talking would just be to say your transferring in and have a question or some shit.
Why not just follow her IG with an alias and show up to an event she's at? Then pretend you know nothing about her and it's all a coincidence
very Machiavellian here
What tide said
Being confident and just knowing how to talk to girls like theyre humans is a good first step for a lot of the guys in IE that are transitioning from a NEET lifestyle
Not every social interaction with a girl should have her teetering on edge thinking youre gonna ask her out at the end too
Tfw no gf
@Warren H Make sure your account is public so she can see you. Once she sees a photo of you, she's going to decide if you're worth talking to or worth curving then screenshoting to show her friends in the first three seconds
Two days ago my woman and I ended an extremely turbulent relationship. It was the first time either of us have been in love, or have considered raising a family with a partner, and she has described her attraction to me as being so intense it simply overwhelms her. There are other factors, too, which have complicated things and more or less doomed any kind of future between her and I. The both of us are a bit devastated, to say the least. She's moved out of town, and I've asked her not to speak to me for awhile, although I feel constantly compelled to reach out to her.
@Aleis⊕ccidentalis sorry to hear that, brother. Stay strong, no contact.
Thank you, man. I was honestly wondering if no contact is the right way to go...it feels so wrong, especially considering it's a person I genuinely care about and feel a protective instinct for.
Absolutely no contact.
I think it's necessary for me to get on with things, and not invest emotional energy towards someone who isn't here anymore.
@Aleis⊕ccidentalis stay strong brother, i can only imagine how hard that is
Always remember we are here for you! Reach out if you need anything, or..just to talk
@SuperTomPerry -RI thanks much man...it's great to know people are in my corner
Are you so sure that the relationship should end? @Aleis⊕ccidentalis I don’t know the reasons y’all are splitting but if you all have that much of a connection sometimes it is better to work things out. But if the reasons are strong enough to compel you to think it is over and can not be worked out then no contact is the only way forward. At that point what good does having contact with her do for you or her?
@SuperTomPerry -RI That's certainly kind of you, Tom. And I extend my empathy and/or advice to you or anyone here who needs it. I feel a protective instinct for my fellow Euro-folk, especially those who strongly identify with their heritage, and I sincerely wish for us all to find a right partner, to be loved and have the opportunity to raise a healthy, stable family.
Basically, I've told her to not speak to me in any way until she's had a good amount of time alone on this trip of hers, and she's had a chance to sort things out for herself and come to a clear decision. Until then I simply cannot invest the emotional energy or entertain thoughts of a future between us. It causes too much stress and anxiety that truly interferes with my life.
That’s a pretty wise approach @Aleis⊕ccidentalis. A lot of guys don’t have the discipline (me when younger included) for that.
@Deleted User I'd like to think so, but it does hurt like hell. I care about her, a lot, and so obviously I'm compelled to stay in touch and know she's doing alright. Ultimately though, I'm just trying to be grateful...I've gotten to spend a ton of time with a woman I'm crazy about, even be intimate with her. I should be thankful for the experience, and content with whatever comes after.
@missliterallywho I've actually told this to her, almost word for word, and she broke down crying, saying that she absolutely hates that I think this about her, though she realizes its her fault. Even if we do end up together in the future, those thoughts will be lingering in the back of my head and it would take some serious trust to not let that potential for error ruin a relationship/marriage.
On the infidelity point, it’s been my experience that young people (is she young) often change what they want dramatically in the blink of an eye. Though @missliterallywho’s point is well taken.
She's 24, I'm 26. She grew up like a typical suburban girl, but in the last year or so she's taken a huge interest in traditionalism, with little influence from me. Since I've known her, I'd say she's a generally rational and mature person, but is slightly insecure and undecisive. I honestly believe this has been harder on her in many ways than myself.
sucks dude. something similar happened to me a few years ago except i was cheating on her. Sometimes i miss her but the best thing to do is let her go and find someone better.
I think only you know exactly what you want from this woman. I would say that some time between now and the next time you all talk would be a great idea. I am of the belief that the right relationship doesn’t come hard. There are trials and tribulations but you never truly second guess being together. If I where you I would go with my gut. My only advice is to look out for yourself as number one in this situation. Don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of. It is hard for us to tell you what is best for you you’re the only one who knows that.
i wouldnt even talk to her again. the more you stay involved the longer it will hurt. its almost like a bandaid, you just need to rip it off.
Thanks @JesseJames. Like I said, we are very much victims of circumstance here. Had this been a normal relationship we would not have all this extra baggage and neurosis, and instead be able to love each other freely. I agree with you, though, a true relationship with the right partner should be effortless in a way, not that there isn't struggle involved.
@Caboose I know that is the case in most failed relationships, but I can't confidently say going zero contact would be the right decision. Before we ever hooked up, or even put our feelings for each other out there, she was simply a great friend of mine. Someone I was compelled to be around, help out and care for. None of that has changed...so it sincerely does not feel right to break contact completely and abandon this person.
Also, it's not like she dumped me. She did move away, and effectively chose to not be with me, but she's also fully admitted that she is terrified to be apart from me, because she has such a strong affection for me and knows that I'm her mate and have helped her grow stronger in many ways. One of the last things she did before we split was to reaffirm that she loves me, more than anyone before by a strong margin, and won't be able to stop thinking of me.
@Aleis⊕ccidentalis protect yourself and do what you think is right.
Interesting. In my personal oppinion it sounds like she could either be just telling you what she thinks you want to hear, or she could be telling you that to keep you around in case she gets bored with the other guy again and wants another option. But yes protect yourself. this is the beginging of a very toxic relationship that could possibly cause years of depression like it did to me. i wouldnt trust her and look at other options yourself. if she really loves you the sight of you with another woman will drive her crazy.
Whether it's guilt you feel for cheating, or disgust you feel after being cheated on, infidelity will always remain a stain on a relationship. It's possible to work through it and forgive, I guess, but it will always be there in some form. I don't like the mentality of "taking a break" because that translates to "let me explore my options and get back to you if they don't pan out."
I know generalizing women is misogynistic and should be illegal (sarcasm) but the "strong feelings" she has for you will suddenly vanish when she finds another guy she likes. Sort of like exactly what happened when she left her boyfriend to be with you... You should follow your gut here and commit to no contact, including removing her from social media and anything else. Don't wait for her to bring you closure, create the closure yourself. Do what you know is right, and be confident in your decision. I promise you she will be fine.