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1. Server <#704797191797080115> and Discord community guidelines apply. (No gore)

QRF needed flashes upon my screen. I stand up already in full kit since Rhode Island started enforcing border check points 2 months ago. The Constitution shall once again reign I think excitingly grabbing my custom-built rifle that cost me mere $500 the poverty pony being just as good. The sudden movement of the bolt results in a negligent discharge detonating a piss jug next to my computer covering me and my plate in 3-month-old urine because piss jugs are my last line of defense. The need to be self reliant has moved away from lines of booger sugar to shot gunning 3 Bangs knowing anything domestically produced is better than imports. I hop in my 2005 Subaru WRX that hasn’t had an inspection since the previous owner August 5, 2017 with a $48 dollar turbo off eBay added giving the car 60psi resulting in a beautiful whine out the straight piped exhaust because The Constitution doesn’t apply to cars. The detonation upon starting the car as the stock engine hurls into orbit leading to a squad of F-35s being to investigate the missile fired on American soil removes the smell of not showering after 2 months of being in full kit. With nearly a gram of caffeine now pumping through my veins I decide to respond to the QRF via bicycle meaning I must shotgun 2 additional Bangs for energy. As time slows, I fail to register the cars I’m biking by aren’t parked on the side of the highway but are being passed by a bicyclist staying at a consistent Mach 2. Finally arriving to the staging area my bike disintegrates as the frame melts into nothing from the effort stopping the supersonic bike. The redcoats upon witnessing the windows of their 2010 Charger Police Package with 3.6L Pentastar engine shatter from the resulting sonic boom shit their pants and leave. Another Constitutional infringement stopped.

Detonating the piss jug 😂

@Catman Holy shit that's awsome! I love the imagery and I can actually smell that whole story!!!! Keep it up brother!

Thanks I have been wanting to do more light hearted stuff since everyone is stressed.

The style very closely follows how Dave Berry writes. I have found few writers that are more funny so I copy his style

@Catman Yea man we need one of those each day. Or at least every other day 😂

I can probably pump out one a day.

Hell yea

I made the artwork for the Florida flag. Some guy is getting them made into patches.

can you make a Texas one?

Field Journal
Day 4
We are all exhausted. Already the days are starting to blend into a continuous blur of pain. Patrols are long and hard. The crushing weight of my kit shifts with every step as it wobbles with my stomach. Yesterday we patrolled a whole 2 miles. My socks as I write this today crunch with every step resulting from thoughts of a full auto Ak-47 a dream of the better days to come. There is scarcely water to drink as I write this, even though it is only midday, all we consume are Bangs filling our camel baks. Meals are short and I barely have time to eat the large Domino’s meat lover’s pizza with a side of cheesy bread and a bottle of Coke. The delivery driver Jake knows where to find up each day and throws in the Coke as a loyalty for buying every day for 5 years. Hunger is unescapable in such hard times. My original Rhodesian Brushstroke pants unissued waist size 52 length 32 now have mud stains on the knees a pain that nearly drove me to madness. It resulted from me falling over and being trapped underneath my especially heavy pack I was carrying the all-important TP for the group. Unable to do a push up I remained face down until my pack was cut off in order to free me from the crushing weight. I was reassigned the callsign turtle as an honor of how tough I am. Last night in my bed I rolled over onto what I thought was my body pillow but was instead a piss jug I had been using to avoid getting out of bed to pee. It detonated like a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 turbo off eBay. I pray this war will end soon so I no longer have to wake up early in the mornings at noon.

@Catman I have been waiting for this! 😂😂

Hahahaha fucking great

Lucky Texan: I can get patches. I'm about to order some. Let's do some Texas party patches, I'm down! Anyone have a design in mind?

Today I get political

The day has come to exercise the 1st Amendment Rights Trump has instructed the governors to suppress. I check Signal feverishly knowing that OPSEC is everything and posts cannot be spread across the internet like my ex’s nudes. Arriving at rally point bravo sierra I see an MRAP with the suspension bottomed out and Ector County Sheriff written on the side. Meeting in designated parking spots I think how insane parking spots for certain groups of people is. A car pulls into the only other handicap spot next to me a 2002 Mustang in matte black with Molon Labe written in sharpie where the license plate is intended be. The sheriff steps from the MRAP propelling the large Coke on the hood into low earth as the suspension raises several feet. Hopping in the Mustang, it tears off, driving in the same manner as my 93 year old grandmother who passed her driving exam via telegraph does trying to figure out which pedal is the break, entering the Free Speech Cage hidden behind walls a mowing down a crowd like fresh spring grass. Emerging from the other side with three 2012 Ford Explorer Police Package hot on our tail we deploy countermeasure. Throwing a piss jug out the window it hits the lead car, which has “Protect and Serve” covered by gore from the crowd it intentionally drove through, with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. Looking on the mainstream media that night I am honored the only picture of the car includes “Biden ONLY wants to smell you”.

@GRANITE I'm early today

@Reno Simply change the red to a red Hawaiian pattern, I think it'd be simple but get the message across

@Catman atta boi 😂

@CarneDeEsada would you be mad if I replace the star with an igloo

Or does it look better here?

I like that

@Catman yet again, you provide a wonderful and humorous take in a time when such a thing is sorely needed

And your constant mention of piss jugs makes me only slightly curious and vaguely worried how many you actually have😂😂

Proof of concept I guess.. NY for those unfamiliar

Sorry I missed yesterday guys I was driving from one state to another and suffering from my lack of preperation on packing

Don't apologize, you're living your life and that's important. @Catman

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/569312001759641639/708390613715779674/15539019_222054728243869_272505392779493376_n2.jpg?width=542&height=677

not mine but figured it should go in here

Pretty cool

@Catman you’ve missed two days now lol

I still have time!

I've been busy doing things like dealing with snow

Yea we got like 3 inches down here

Nov 11, 2023
I have fashioned arrowheads out of glass in case I come across any perfectly straight wood sticks and a working bow. My hands were cut badly but that wasn't going to stop me. I had to use a sharp rock because I broke my knife trying to baton a log with it like they do on youtube. The survival kit I bought from wish.com had three bandaids and no antiseptic so I turned to my notes to make herbal wound dressings. All my printed out pintrest infographics on survival were lost to water damage or became blouted with blood. In the end I had to sacrifice the tampon I was saving in case I was shot. I wonder how the instagram survivalists never seemed to run out of waterproof matches. Raccons stole my last frozen chimichanga, I fear the worst has befallen me. I may have to move back in with my parents.

Poetic

@Diggs that’s hilarious. Good job! 😂

Guess I have been away for too long

@Catman step it up!! 😂

Mother's Day arrived as my favorite holiday. Changing my Tinder profile to include next "Next Mother's Day get woken up by someone that cares about you. I don't pull out. LMAO". I spent all day swiping right trying to find the ideal girl to help restore freedom. None of them seemed impressed by my battle gear and 30 round magazines because fuck Commieformia this is the USA. Finally I hear a knock on my door I knew including my address would let the perfect woman show up at my door. Before I can stand I hear the door kicked in and Ian my mannequin full of tannerite told to drop his weapon. He doesn't as he is the only thing stupider than the tyrants kicking in my door. Ian explodes with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. My house is instantly vaporized as my stockpiled ammunition goes up in flames engulfing a quarter mile radius.

Lmao love it

I missed a few days so I took the dog out for some creative thinking time....

Mr Kurtz im guessing you have nightmares about this 2005 WRX.... Love every bit of it keep them coming

Never owned one but I thought it would make a great signature to throw into each piece.

Alright buckle up as I attempt to slam one of these out in record time. Thankfully shit posting doesn't need grammer

Lmao let’s get it Kurtz

lets see it kurtz. you got an audience now lol

The 2005 WRX rolled out of the garage. All parts had been sourced from the local junk yard where I got my house supplies of premium cum stained car seats at the kitchen table. The zip ties have held together all of the parts perfectly that almost fit together. The $48 eBay turbo let out a shriek like my mom when she found me watching her shower. With no brakes as the revolution stops for those that are not dedicated to the revolution. Upon starting the engines the wheels grinded against the pavement as I could not afford tires. Turning the first corner the aluminum wheels melts trying to make the first corner as the zip ties ignite the oil leak bursting the car into frames. Climbing out through the busted windows we survive the incident as the machine goes up in flames.

“When she found me watching her shower” 😂😂😂

This shit is golden midnight reading material

Lmfao the shower part omfggg 😂

I tore open my box the same way I tore apart my body pillow after finding out it was made in China and not Japan. My 80% lower slide into 9 Amazon boxes piled into the corner causing a small avalanche as the ceiling high trash pile was hit by a sideways force burying my Japanese body pillow somewhere under the table. 79 hours and 4 minutes later I reemerge with the 80% lower. The 18V Ryobi drill powers to life as I begin to make my first firearm. I am becoming ungovernable I think pressing the drill into the metal. The metal is flung from my hand as 500 in\lbs of force hitting a special order 20oz Rainbow Unicorn Bang that explodes with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. As look down at my 80% lower I can see the Rainbow Unicorn Bang burning through my lower faster than I burn through lotion watching Olympic swimming.

I literally laughed so hard a tiny bit of shit came out. You are the mother fuckin man @Catman

@Catman atta boy lol. Send that fucking Subaru to the junk yard and bring back the piss jugs! 😂

We need to redo all state flags now and ive seen some pretty fucking good ones lol really want one for illinois now

Found this one for my state

https://images.app.goo.gl/83dAW82FdYxjyeg27

I think just throw a kit on the guy and it's good for my state lol

Lol i love how Hawaiian flower pattern has become like the main pattern of the movement and the shirts are uniform items lol watch someone is gonna make a damn regulation book making the shirts mandatory XD

They are mandatory.

😂

Ice house reg 1-1 Any morale patches must be appropriate and in good taste not to exceed 3inch in diameter
1-2 all operator Hawaiian shirts must be short sleeved with no undershirt beer bellies must be hidden

1-3 stop leaving NVGs in the field

1-4 beards are mandatory if you can grow them otherwise knit yourself a fake one

I did just buy a few new ones. And found the ones needed for night ops

@KaiBran proposals for amending reg 1 to include patches up to 3 1/2 in
Reg2 amend to state"beer bellies must be hidden or must be prominently displayed. No attempts may be made to hide the gut. And finally reg 4 amended as followed
1-4 beards are mandatory if you can grow them otherwise knit yourself a fake one. You may also sport the 6+ day growth or clean shaven. Those are the only acceptable variances in facial hair, irrespective of gender

Lets keep it going boys. Need to be able to maintain discipline lmao

Is different color hair allowed? 😂

Only if you're colorblind

Lol

1-5 all shirts must be colorful and fun (with the exception of night ops) Velcro on sleeves is allowed for patches (if you can get it to work) patches on shirts must be similar pattern

1-6 tricorn hats are mandatory if beer is present

1-8 boots and sandals are the only acceptable footwear. All crocs wearers will be yeeted upon arrival with the exception of tactical crocs

Acceptable. Must be of neon or black color

1-9 nothing in these regulations shall be construed so as to prevent the wearing of boxers/tighty whiteys and kit only. In fact this is the recommended attire for events that will feature sitting politicians

> Is different color hair allowed? 😂
@[MS] Foxtrot795
Yes but color must be of unnatural neon brightness

Fuuuuuck. So my blonde streak has to go then?

2-1. Be armed. Someway, somehow. Even if all you have is a big knife. Buy better but no one can kung-fu a .45.

@[MS] Foxtrot795 unless you color the rest of your hair neon green/orange then yes.

Goddamn it. Let me run to the store then

Curtains must match the drapes or your not cutting it

2-2 LSD is recommended but not madatory

For men who stare at goats purposes

2-3 at no time will anyone be allowed more than 15 mins with any one farm animals. And a minimum of 5 days must pass between last "servicing" and butchering for eating. This ensures no cross contamination and good hygiene

2-4 all those found in violations of regulations shall face a tribunal comprised of at least 6 uninterested parties who shal render a verdict or be subject to lotioning

It's not hazing its...correcting behavior via humiliation

I was referring to the jury. If they dont render any verdict, they will be subjected to aggressive application of lotion. Seems like motivation to me.

2-5 the repeated violation of dress and uniform regulations shall result in more severe punishment that most heinous possible fate, which shall be the forced relocation to suburban neighborhood and forced participation in pta meeting, hoa meetings and the limited access to any form of entertainment not deemed "normies fun" the option of suicide by porcupine shall be offered

Lmao!!!

I dunno whats funny brother. Porcupine death is a slow, miserable way to go but nothing compared to living under a hoa😂😂

I have an HOA I believe

That sucksssss. Mini dictatorship in America. But you know, im liking this mental exercise. Lets keep it going

Lol

Due to a recent spell of my thoughts being more scattered than Hillary's emails I will be temporarily retiring the Hawaiian Helot writing portion. Still needing to fill my free time with something other than relentless sobbing leading me to die of dehydration I will start the new chapter for the Cul-De-Sak Commando. I wrote this without my glasses so any spelling errors are not my fault. Not wearing glasses also meant I heard no splash when peeing and will probably be cleaning the bathroom the tomorrow.