Message from @John Public
Discord ID: 708065118457692170
The style very closely follows how Dave Berry writes. I have found few writers that are more funny so I copy his style
@Catman Yea man we need one of those each day. Or at least every other day 😂
I can probably pump out one a day.
Hell yea
I made the artwork for the Florida flag. Some guy is getting them made into patches.
can you make a Texas one?
Field Journal
Day 4
We are all exhausted. Already the days are starting to blend into a continuous blur of pain. Patrols are long and hard. The crushing weight of my kit shifts with every step as it wobbles with my stomach. Yesterday we patrolled a whole 2 miles. My socks as I write this today crunch with every step resulting from thoughts of a full auto Ak-47 a dream of the better days to come. There is scarcely water to drink as I write this, even though it is only midday, all we consume are Bangs filling our camel baks. Meals are short and I barely have time to eat the large Domino’s meat lover’s pizza with a side of cheesy bread and a bottle of Coke. The delivery driver Jake knows where to find up each day and throws in the Coke as a loyalty for buying every day for 5 years. Hunger is unescapable in such hard times. My original Rhodesian Brushstroke pants unissued waist size 52 length 32 now have mud stains on the knees a pain that nearly drove me to madness. It resulted from me falling over and being trapped underneath my especially heavy pack I was carrying the all-important TP for the group. Unable to do a push up I remained face down until my pack was cut off in order to free me from the crushing weight. I was reassigned the callsign turtle as an honor of how tough I am. Last night in my bed I rolled over onto what I thought was my body pillow but was instead a piss jug I had been using to avoid getting out of bed to pee. It detonated like a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 turbo off eBay. I pray this war will end soon so I no longer have to wake up early in the mornings at noon.
Hahahaha fucking great
Lucky Texan: I can get patches. I'm about to order some. Let's do some Texas party patches, I'm down! Anyone have a design in mind?
Today I get political
The day has come to exercise the 1st Amendment Rights Trump has instructed the governors to suppress. I check Signal feverishly knowing that OPSEC is everything and posts cannot be spread across the internet like my ex’s nudes. Arriving at rally point bravo sierra I see an MRAP with the suspension bottomed out and Ector County Sheriff written on the side. Meeting in designated parking spots I think how insane parking spots for certain groups of people is. A car pulls into the only other handicap spot next to me a 2002 Mustang in matte black with Molon Labe written in sharpie where the license plate is intended be. The sheriff steps from the MRAP propelling the large Coke on the hood into low earth as the suspension raises several feet. Hopping in the Mustang, it tears off, driving in the same manner as my 93 year old grandmother who passed her driving exam via telegraph does trying to figure out which pedal is the break, entering the Free Speech Cage hidden behind walls a mowing down a crowd like fresh spring grass. Emerging from the other side with three 2012 Ford Explorer Police Package hot on our tail we deploy countermeasure. Throwing a piss jug out the window it hits the lead car, which has “Protect and Serve” covered by gore from the crowd it intentionally drove through, with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. Looking on the mainstream media that night I am honored the only picture of the car includes “Biden ONLY wants to smell you”.
@Reno Simply change the red to a red Hawaiian pattern, I think it'd be simple but get the message across
@CarneDeEsada would you be mad if I replace the star with an igloo
Or does it look better here?
I like that
@Catman yet again, you provide a wonderful and humorous take in a time when such a thing is sorely needed
And your constant mention of piss jugs makes me only slightly curious and vaguely worried how many you actually have😂😂
Proof of concept I guess.. NY for those unfamiliar
Sorry I missed yesterday guys I was driving from one state to another and suffering from my lack of preperation on packing
Don't apologize, you're living your life and that's important. @Catman
not mine but figured it should go in here
Pretty cool
I still have time!
I've been busy doing things like dealing with snow
Yea we got like 3 inches down here
Nov 11, 2023
I have fashioned arrowheads out of glass in case I come across any perfectly straight wood sticks and a working bow. My hands were cut badly but that wasn't going to stop me. I had to use a sharp rock because I broke my knife trying to baton a log with it like they do on youtube. The survival kit I bought from wish.com had three bandaids and no antiseptic so I turned to my notes to make herbal wound dressings. All my printed out pintrest infographics on survival were lost to water damage or became blouted with blood. In the end I had to sacrifice the tampon I was saving in case I was shot. I wonder how the instagram survivalists never seemed to run out of waterproof matches. Raccons stole my last frozen chimichanga, I fear the worst has befallen me. I may have to move back in with my parents.
Poetic
Guess I have been away for too long
Mother's Day arrived as my favorite holiday. Changing my Tinder profile to include next "Next Mother's Day get woken up by someone that cares about you. I don't pull out. LMAO". I spent all day swiping right trying to find the ideal girl to help restore freedom. None of them seemed impressed by my battle gear and 30 round magazines because fuck Commieformia this is the USA. Finally I hear a knock on my door I knew including my address would let the perfect woman show up at my door. Before I can stand I hear the door kicked in and Ian my mannequin full of tannerite told to drop his weapon. He doesn't as he is the only thing stupider than the tyrants kicking in my door. Ian explodes with the force of a 2005 Subaru WRX engine with 62 psi from a $48 eBay turbo detonating. My house is instantly vaporized as my stockpiled ammunition goes up in flames engulfing a quarter mile radius.
Lmao love it