Message from @Sleepy
Discord ID: 607885084183363612
I think I know the trait. Have a cook friend who is like that.
It's more pleased than smug
I guess
I don't know, I have this crushing, overshadowing doubt
You'll always get that until you have some kind of definition for what it is you're dealing with.
It's uncertainty
It sucks
I hate it
I worry about it regardless
can't help it
it's a rollercoaster
best thing to do is distract yourself a bit
don't ignore it entirely, but find something you can do that you'll lose yourself in for a little bit to give yourself a break
Can't really do that because my brain does shit I don't want it to
look at the body like a horse
Some of them, there's just shit they're going to want to do, and you just have to figure out how to train it to be what you want it to be.
Body more so feels like a shell and I'm a tiny person or completely detached and just observing this corpse go on autopilot lmfao
All kinds of things in play training people to be all kinds of things. Better to take that into ones own hands.
sounds all to familiar^
Dissociating doesn't feel good lol
trying to figure out what the fuck to do
not knowing
not having much a reason to care
getting older makes me want money because bodies break down, but that's about all for really
I have a lot of mental shit going on that I can't really control; a couple nights ago I had really bad nightmares/night terrors about this guy I like
The kind where you throw your body around in your sleep and go in and out of consciousness and cry in your sleep
Haven't had one of those in awhile
subconscious stuff is tricky
It sucks, but that's just how it is
I'm gonna sleep
Night
you can get your fingers into it, but it's tricky
night^
I just realized what today was. It's been exactly 11 years since my grandpa died.
It's kind of upsetting to think about, not just because he practically raised me himself, but cause of all the stupid stuff we would bond over. Just going fishing and laughing. Working our farm, reloading ammo, etc etc. He always was afraid that the country would go the way it is, a sort of shitty dystopia with backassward ideals. I'm glad he didn't get to see how everything turned out, but I do wish I had him around for guidance.
I guess, just having no living relatives, is equally shitty. My grandpa raised me to be tough, and never accept help from no one; and I see people all the time who don't deserve free shit while I have always struggled with finances; while being demonized as the source of the worlds ills. I'm certain, with my upbringing, even without 4chan and the redpills, I would've still ended up being blackpilled.
I'm just tired. Felt like sharing, I guess.
It's hard standing on your own. Having to find your own answers all of the time. Not having anyone to rely on. Always having things expected of you. At a certain point you just have to give yourself a reason.
For me, I know what I gave myself very well could be BS. But it's enough to keep me invested. It's not something that can ever be taken from me. In the event that I am sitting there staring at nothing but despair: I still have something to anchor myself with.
Taking the black pill tonight boys, got dumped
@Busto Go to the gym
Damn, sorry to hear
Wanna vent about it