Discord ID: 408352430120632349

507 total messages. Viewing 100 per page.
Page 1/6 | Next

2018-01-31 20:06:52 UTC

2018-01-31 20:06:55 UTC

2018-01-31 20:07:04 UTC

2018-01-31 20:07:25 UTC

2018-01-31 20:07:46 UTC

2018-01-31 20:09:07 UTC

God damn Air Force

2018-02-06 02:47:49 UTC

2018-02-06 03:23:44 UTC

Holy shit I have got to try that out.

2018-02-07 20:39:06 UTC

2018-02-08 16:04:35 UTC

2018-02-08 17:49:44 UTC

2018-02-08 17:50:50 UTC

2018-02-08 22:41:18 UTC

I mean I have had one tough ass break up but I never decided it would be a good idea to go fuck a dude

2018-02-08 22:52:55 UTC

I mean he drives a Miata

2018-02-09 06:44:05 UTC

^ he was always gay

2018-02-09 15:13:40 UTC

Pretty much lol

2018-02-09 15:13:48 UTC

It's pretty much a gay man's car

2018-02-09 15:13:54 UTC

But hell it's fast tho

2018-02-09 15:14:08 UTC

I just would rather get something less homosexual

2018-02-09 21:29:25 UTC

miatas arnt fast my dude

2018-02-09 21:29:40 UTC

that's the joke

2018-02-09 21:30:15 UTC

you said its fast

2018-02-09 21:30:29 UTC

for its size

2018-02-09 21:30:30 UTC

they are just lightweight, made fast with turbos

2018-02-09 21:30:35 UTC

it's small as shit

2018-02-09 21:30:46 UTC

it's like a barbie car

2018-02-09 21:30:51 UTC

easy to get assfucked in

2018-02-09 21:31:45 UTC

that too

2018-02-09 21:32:19 UTC

it's like a Prius that isn't electric

2018-02-09 21:32:28 UTC

story time

2018-02-09 21:32:39 UTC

eat my ass

2018-02-11 18:15:06 UTC

2018-02-14 02:24:35 UTC

2018-02-17 18:02:56 UTC

2018-02-22 04:42:11 UTC

John Elway is the king of all football and creator of the Denver Broncos. He was cast in bronze and forged from iron 12,000 years ago by the almighty god Dan Reeves, who came inside Rainbow Dash one fateful December night and created Hurricane Katrina which blew all around the world and killed all the black people but unfortunately they came back to life and asked for money.

2018-02-22 04:42:13 UTC

@Literally John Elway tell me the story of john elway

2018-02-22 04:42:20 UTC

However John Elway was also born that night, and he grew into a mighty demigod who then set forth on the road to become a full god as soon as he had lunch, and then he became football through the divine will of Jesus Christ and much to the awe of the American he went on to create football in his image.

2018-02-22 04:42:23 UTC

Godspeed, John Elway, for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Football.
In the days of yore there was no football, and no Denver, and no Broncos. There was however John Elway, for John Elway is eternal. And God said unto John Elway, thou shalt build me an ark, only it won't be an ark so much as it will be football.

And John Elway did build football 40 cubits wide and 40 cubits deep with a circumference of 40 million cubits and a football. The football was pleasing to the God and the American, and he said unto Moses: You should be more like John Elway you raging faggot.

And Moses said unto the Lord: Fuck you I'm a Patriots fan.

And God did smite Moses for his faggotry and there was much rejoice and football was had for all. And John Elway did make more football and put football on the moon and put all the footballs in space which made the world for the third time that day.
The Lord Jesus Christ blessed me with a solid gold cock which gave me the power to rule Equestria, and I brought football to the land and all the ponies rejoiced, for they now had all the footballs just like me, John Elway. And so it shall be, forever.
You see, John Elway wasn't always football. There was a time when John Elway was only 29, maybe 33% football. However when the Lord Jesus Christ called him on the phone and said John Elway you need to be 100% football, do you know what he did? Do you think he just laid down and sucked his thumb and cried the way you probably would you pussy? No, fuck no. John Elway took the fucking call and answered.

John Elway was always the man to become football. John Elway was sired by Dan Reeves, born of Rainbow Dash, conceived in fire, Master of Football, Lord of the Denver Broncos now and Forever.

In the Name of Jesus Christ and God Bless American.

2018-02-22 04:42:28 UTC

A thousand years ago, back when I was only a small Elway, I was not entirely football. The Denver Broncos did not yet exist, and the universe was cloaked in perpetual twilight. My people wandered in the desert without football. But then the Lord came to me in a football and said John Elway, you really need to become football. And I became football and then traveled into the future and invented time travel so I could travel back in time and become Dan Reeves, then I made sweet beautiful love to Rainbow Dash and sired myself, for that is what the Lord commanded me to do for without John Elway there could be no football.

2018-02-22 04:42:35 UTC

How is that even funny though

2018-02-22 04:42:52 UTC

A very good question. Let me give you five motherfucking very good reasons why John Elway can bring the pain:


You see, John Elway wasn't always football. There was a time when John Elway was only 29, maybe 33% football. However when the Lord Jesus Christ called him on the phone and said John Elway you need to be 100% football, do you know what he did? Do you think he just laid down and sucked his thumb and cried the way you probably would you pussy? No, fuck no. John Elway took the fucking call and answered.

John Elway was always the man to become football. John Elway was sired by Dan Reeves, born of Rainbow Dash, conceived in fire, Master of Football, Lord of the Denver Broncos now and Forever.

2018-02-22 04:43:04 UTC

The Denver Broncos were football before there was even football. They never even had the word football, or even the derivative words foot and ball, they just had a bunch of squeaks and grunts that sounded like black people trying to reason with police officers.

But then John Elway came, and it was magical. Magical friendship, you might say, you might even say that friendship was magic, because friendship was between man and football, and football was John Elway. And John Elway started the Denver Broncos because he knew that the world needed his footballs, and as such he decided to begin the footballs so that everyone could football alongside him.

2018-02-22 04:43:20 UTC

The Denver Broncos are football now and forever. The Denver Broncos rose out of the darkness that was Oakland and cast the Raiders into the pit of eternal darkness, and sent their leader Princess Luna to the Dark Side of the Moon to listen to Pink Floyd until the end of all eternity.

For it was that Dan Reeves did cum inside the Lady Dash one fateful December night, and thus was born unto all of us in the city of Denver a Savior, tis John Elway the Lord, Praise Football (praise football).

And then John Elway burst into football and the world became football, and the glory of football was seen by all the ponies who fell to their knees and did render praise unto John Elway and Praise Football (praise football). And so it was that John Elway did marry Princess Celestia and sired a child, and that child was football, and the child burst into football and football was all the land and the land was at peace and was football (praise football).

2018-02-22 04:43:31 UTC

You see, back when my name wasn't John Elway, the earth was void and without form. And then God said to Abraham, "you are a huge faggot" and he punched him in the face and rainbows squirted out and that gave God the idea to create me, football. And so he came to me and said, John Elway, your name is now John Elway, and I want you to be football, now and forever.

And so, I said to God, it is so, and then I became football and exploded into football and that's the story of how football came to be.

2018-02-22 04:43:54 UTC

There once was a man from Nantucket.

However, as soon as he stepped into the gravitational pull of the almighty DENVER BRONCOS he was sucked into the eternal void of Football and was never heard from again.

We all know the story of course, but we don't know what happened to him. Until now, that is.

You see, when Rainbow Dash first conceived of the mighty Elway, the universe was void and without form, in the time before, in the long long ago. And so it was that the man from Nantucket was sucked into the black hole at the center of the galaxy, which was actually the vagina of Rainbow Dash, and was thus born into the universe at the other end of time, before time, before all that was and ever shall be.

I'll clue you in on something: the man from Nantucket was YOU. You are He and I and Thou, and you have thus the privilege to behold the mighty Elway.

You're welcome.

2018-02-22 04:44:02 UTC

For eleven thousand years, the Earth was a great sea of boiling waters, black as the night itself, and festering with the blood of a thousand creatures with razor sharp teeth and eyes as black as coal. And yea, the Lord Elway did descend from on high, and slap Moses across the dick with his mighty fifteen thousand foot long peener, and told that lazy faggot to get to work building an ark, forty cubits wide and a million cubits deep, which could hold all of the Football that he had produced from the depth of his mighty prostate.

And so it was that football did come to the Sea of Tranquility, which should henceforth be called the City of Atlantis, except they changed the name to Atlanta because Atlantis sank deep into the bosom of the pacific ocean, when it became apparent that all of the footballs made it as heavy as a thousand suns.

Praise American. Praise Football.

2018-02-22 04:44:10 UTC

Thousands of years ago, the ponies of Equestria were without speech, and wandered the Earth in darkness, and were feasted upon by creatures most foul. Yea, and the Lord did hear their cries for aid, and thus did the Almighty Reeves thrust his powerful pelvis against the Lady Dash, and exploded pure football unto her, and the next day a child was born: and it was John Elway.

The Lord Reeves did smile upon his Son, and Elway did smile thusly upon the ponies, and so it came to pass that all the land was football, and forevermore the ponies were given speech, so that they may forever praise the name of Football, and American, and John Elway.

2018-02-22 04:44:25 UTC

You know what's never happening, even if a thousand years were to pass and the seas dried up? The Denver Broncos ever not being football.

Denver Broncos are football now and forever. Open your heart to football, my friend. You see, when football was in its infancy and the world was without form, the heavens did open up and the lord said unto Moses: Suck my fucking dick you faggot. And Moses did say unto Abraham, You heard him faggot, suck his dick.

And then Dan Reeves came inside the Lady Dash, and there was football. And a burst of rainbows did spring forth from his almighty dong, and was converted into pure football, and the Lady Dash did give birth to John Elway, who was football. And the world was with football, and football was with John Elway.

2018-02-22 04:44:41 UTC

Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.

Thus spoke Zarathustra in the year 200 AD, when he did venture into the fabled city of Denver and glimpse there the glory and wonder of Football.

John Elway, the anointed prophet of football, was seated there, at the right hand of Princess Celestia, and lo, he did raise his mighty fist, and with a cry of DEFENSE DEFENSE DEFENSE he did split open the heavens. And there was a great rending, as of a mirror breaking, and thence did the sky split apart, and the sky did rain football, and the ponies of the realm did tear open Zarathustra and feast upon the sweet gooey meat within.

And so it came to pass that in the year 200 AD the City of Denver did behold Football, and thus the ponies did become infused with the power of football, and became The Denver Broncos.

2018-02-22 04:44:55 UTC

In days of old, when knights were bold, the Princess Celestia did decree that the Princess Luna must be imprisoned in the moon. And it was on the moon that the Princess Luna did discover that all the moon was football, and the glorious light of John Elway did light up the heavens.

Yea, and John Elway said unto Princess Luna: be not afraid. I bring you tidings of great joy. For today, I am going to totally make like 700 touchdowns and punch the Oakland Raiders in the dick.


And so it came to pass that the Oakland Raiders were punched in the dick, and there was football for all time. Amen.

2018-02-22 04:45:06 UTC

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

I'll tell you: NOTHING. And do you know why? Because you're paralyzed. Paralyzed with fear at the awesome magnetic hypnocock of the one and only JOHN ELWAY.

John Elway is the beginning and the end, the Lord of heaven and earth. Pete Townshend once asked John Elway if he could teach him how to football, and John Elway did punch him right in his preposterous nigger dick, and his balls exploded into football. From that day forward, Pete Townshend was known throughout the land as Jimi Hendrix, and his guitar exploded into sapphire bullets of pure football.

All the footballs shall come to ye if you just pray to Elway for strength. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the football forever. Amen.

2018-02-22 04:45:52 UTC

I think that Denver Broncos are going to be footballs for all time. You know how many quarterbacks the Denver Broncos are going to have? Well I'll tell you: ALL OF THEM. They are going to have so many footballs they are going to have to open new football rooms in space just to hold all the footballs and also they will have free parking for the quarterbacks.

2018-02-22 04:45:59 UTC

If I were the Denver Broncos I would do nothing except rub chili sauce all over my butthole and think about how much football I am. God bless American.

2018-02-22 04:46:06 UTC

Peyton Manning had all the footballs once, but eventually he gave them away. They floated off into space and eventually collided and became the big bang, and that created John Elway who was the birth-giver of all footballs and also the Denver Broncos.

But first he had to pass the test to become football. Test was very simple: John elway must stand before God and American and testify to Congress that footballs were all his, and he did and then he also fought the manticore and that was pretty rad too. Then he got all the footballs which were his to begin with and put them in space for them to become the big bang and make all the footballs again for all time. God bless Peyton Manning and God bless American. Footballs.

2018-02-22 04:46:16 UTC

The New England Patriots were Patriots of football before there was football, in the time long ago when footballs were not yet in space. But then Tom Brady was made emperor of all the footballs and gave the footballs to John Elway who sent them into space to become football for all time. And so it was that there was now football.

But not always were there footballs, for some there were no footballs. Those without footballs did not have footballs and thus were not American. But then American came forth and Abe Lincoln freed the slaves which was probably a mistake but he made up for it by becoming a football and punting himself to John Elway who caught him and sent him to space to relieve Tom Brady of all his footballs so Tom Brady could go home to his kids.

Then there were the Denver Broncos, and football was for all time.

2018-02-22 04:46:35 UTC

The Denver Broncos cannot be joined, the Denver Broncos join you. They take all the footballs and splice them together with genetics to make John Elway, and John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning.

When Payton Manning licks your earlobe you know it's time to receive football. The football that you receive is not the eternal football, it is just regular football, but it is symbolic.

Take football and run. Run, forest, run. To forest. Run Forrest. With Football. Then give football to John Elway and say "Touchdown!" and you will become football. Then, Denver Broncos.


2018-02-22 04:47:25 UTC

However, the most important thing to remember is that the Denver Broncos go great with Everything.

2018-02-22 04:47:30 UTC

In particular, corndogs.

2018-02-22 04:47:32 UTC

You know what goes great with corndogs? The Denver Broncos.

Denver Broncos are the best footballing team ever. There is no one on earth who can do footballs as good as the Denver Broncos. Many others have tried and failed to be as football. You think you can football like these guys? Heh, get in line, cuck. You'd need to get up about 12 hours earlier and spend all morning and all afternoon being football to football like the kings of football, the Denver Broncos.

Seriously, faggot. If footballing was the olympics these guys would be like the John Elway of football olympics. The Denver Broncos are the alpha and the omega of all footballs, the footballs that came first and last and shall be evermore the football. They own footballs now and forever. Footballs.

t. Denver Broncos.

2018-02-22 04:55:05 UTC

Is this how bronies try to feel normal?

2018-02-22 05:09:01 UTC

I believe so

2018-02-22 05:09:26 UTC

"John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning"

2018-02-22 05:09:32 UTC


2018-02-22 05:25:42 UTC

this triggers the @Pheedy

2018-02-22 05:26:20 UTC

If this makes you feel better about jerking off to horses from a little girls show

2018-02-22 05:26:24 UTC

Go ahead

2018-02-22 05:26:42 UTC


2018-02-22 05:27:57 UTC

>he doesn't jerk off to horses

2018-02-26 14:10:55 UTC

>wake up
>have to shit
>sit on toilet and nothing comes out
>go to offer a golden sacrifice to our god J-Danielson
>as soon as I inhale, I feel the force of 1000 niggers rushing into KFC
>its all in my bowels
>shit all over the floor instantly
>smells like a hamster died in a cat's asshole
>I am crying and trying to stay conscious because of the smell
>My asshole ruptures and I feel the willy wonka waterfall of shit flowing onto the floor
>Tears and Pain
>all of a sudden I feel wonderful and the shit stops flowing
>my lord and savior J-Danielson comes
>lifts me up and out of the overflowed basement
>I feel so relieved, I knew taking dabs was for a good cause
>He whispers in my ear
>RKO out of nowhere, doncha say bud?
>My lord and savior RKO's me into the shit sea
>I was never seen again

2018-02-26 14:11:37 UTC

Randy Orton attends the funeral the end

2018-02-28 01:09:22 UTC

>Be on this server
>Newfags don't know how to green text on Discord```

2018-02-28 01:11:23 UTC
2018-02-28 01:12:28 UTC

2018-02-28 01:12:37 UTC

Someone isn triggered

2018-02-28 01:13:29 UTC

no, ur unironically a faggot

2018-02-28 01:15:51 UTC


2018-02-28 08:27:09 UTC


2018-02-28 08:27:14 UTC

Hey! I'm bi

2018-02-28 08:27:56 UTC

bullying smh <:TheChadStare:392513491526877195>

2018-02-28 08:28:06 UTC

Yoooo you wanna give me advice on my bio now?

2018-02-28 08:28:23 UTC
2018-02-28 08:28:38 UTC


2018-02-28 08:28:49 UTC

Cool! Ty!

2018-02-28 08:28:53 UTC

Can you vc rn?

2018-02-28 08:29:23 UTC


2018-02-28 08:29:36 UTC

I'm tired tho I just woke up lol

2018-02-28 08:29:43 UTC

Lol no worries

2018-02-28 08:38:24 UTC

2018-02-28 22:57:21 UTC

@molly how are you bi? you are like 12

2018-02-28 22:57:24 UTC

jesus christ

2018-02-28 23:05:26 UTC


2018-02-28 23:05:27 UTC


2018-02-28 23:05:30 UTC


2018-02-28 23:06:50 UTC

2018-02-28 23:11:21 UTC

Secret admirers

2018-03-14 04:40:31 UTC

2018-03-14 04:40:40 UTC

2018-03-14 04:40:49 UTC

2018-03-14 15:43:32 UTC

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it.

2018-03-14 18:45:58 UTC

Not bad

507 total messages. Viewing 100 per page.
Page 1/6 | Next