There once was a man from Nantucket.

However, as soon as he stepped into the gravitational pull of the almighty DENVER BRONCOS he was sucked into the eternal void of Football and was never heard from again.

We all know the story of course, but we don't know what happened to him. Until now, that is.

You see, when Rainbow Dash first conceived of the mighty Elway, the universe was void and without form, in the time before, in the long long ago. And so it was that the man from Nantucket was sucked into the black hole at the center of the galaxy, which was actually the vagina of Rainbow Dash, and was thus born into the universe at the other end of time, before time, before all that was and ever shall be.

I'll clue you in on something: the man from Nantucket was YOU. You are He and I and Thou, and you have thus the privilege to behold the mighty Elway.

You're welcome.

For eleven thousand years, the Earth was a great sea of boiling waters, black as the night itself, and festering with the blood of a thousand creatures with razor sharp teeth and eyes as black as coal. And yea, the Lord Elway did descend from on high, and slap Moses across the dick with his mighty fifteen thousand foot long peener, and told that lazy faggot to get to work building an ark, forty cubits wide and a million cubits deep, which could hold all of the Football that he had produced from the depth of his mighty prostate.

And so it was that football did come to the Sea of Tranquility, which should henceforth be called the City of Atlantis, except they changed the name to Atlanta because Atlantis sank deep into the bosom of the pacific ocean, when it became apparent that all of the footballs made it as heavy as a thousand suns.

Praise American. Praise Football.

Thousands of years ago, the ponies of Equestria were without speech, and wandered the Earth in darkness, and were feasted upon by creatures most foul. Yea, and the Lord did hear their cries for aid, and thus did the Almighty Reeves thrust his powerful pelvis against the Lady Dash, and exploded pure football unto her, and the next day a child was born: and it was John Elway.

The Lord Reeves did smile upon his Son, and Elway did smile thusly upon the ponies, and so it came to pass that all the land was football, and forevermore the ponies were given speech, so that they may forever praise the name of Football, and American, and John Elway.

You know what's never happening, even if a thousand years were to pass and the seas dried up? The Denver Broncos ever not being football.

Denver Broncos are football now and forever. Open your heart to football, my friend. You see, when football was in its infancy and the world was without form, the heavens did open up and the lord said unto Moses: Suck my fucking dick you faggot. And Moses did say unto Abraham, You heard him faggot, suck his dick.

And then Dan Reeves came inside the Lady Dash, and there was football. And a burst of rainbows did spring forth from his almighty dong, and was converted into pure football, and the Lady Dash did give birth to John Elway, who was football. And the world was with football, and football was with John Elway.

Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.

Thus spoke Zarathustra in the year 200 AD, when he did venture into the fabled city of Denver and glimpse there the glory and wonder of Football.

John Elway, the anointed prophet of football, was seated there, at the right hand of Princess Celestia, and lo, he did raise his mighty fist, and with a cry of DEFENSE DEFENSE DEFENSE he did split open the heavens. And there was a great rending, as of a mirror breaking, and thence did the sky split apart, and the sky did rain football, and the ponies of the realm did tear open Zarathustra and feast upon the sweet gooey meat within.

And so it came to pass that in the year 200 AD the City of Denver did behold Football, and thus the ponies did become infused with the power of football, and became The Denver Broncos.

In days of old, when knights were bold, the Princess Celestia did decree that the Princess Luna must be imprisoned in the moon. And it was on the moon that the Princess Luna did discover that all the moon was football, and the glorious light of John Elway did light up the heavens.

Yea, and John Elway said unto Princess Luna: be not afraid. I bring you tidings of great joy. For today, I am going to totally make like 700 touchdowns and punch the Oakland Raiders in the dick.

RIGHT. IN. THE. DICK.

And so it came to pass that the Oakland Raiders were punched in the dick, and there was football for all time. Amen.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

I'll tell you: NOTHING. And do you know why? Because you're paralyzed. Paralyzed with fear at the awesome magnetic hypnocock of the one and only JOHN ELWAY.

John Elway is the beginning and the end, the Lord of heaven and earth. Pete Townshend once asked John Elway if he could teach him how to football, and John Elway did punch him right in his preposterous nigger dick, and his balls exploded into football. From that day forward, Pete Townshend was known throughout the land as Jimi Hendrix, and his guitar exploded into sapphire bullets of pure football.

All the footballs shall come to ye if you just pray to Elway for strength. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the football forever. Amen.

I think that Denver Broncos are going to be footballs for all time. You know how many quarterbacks the Denver Broncos are going to have? Well I'll tell you: ALL OF THEM. They are going to have so many footballs they are going to have to open new football rooms in space just to hold all the footballs and also they will have free parking for the quarterbacks.

If I were the Denver Broncos I would do nothing except rub chili sauce all over my butthole and think about how much football I am. God bless American.

Peyton Manning had all the footballs once, but eventually he gave them away. They floated off into space and eventually collided and became the big bang, and that created John Elway who was the birth-giver of all footballs and also the Denver Broncos.

But first he had to pass the test to become football. Test was very simple: John elway must stand before God and American and testify to Congress that footballs were all his, and he did and then he also fought the manticore and that was pretty rad too. Then he got all the footballs which were his to begin with and put them in space for them to become the big bang and make all the footballs again for all time. God bless Peyton Manning and God bless American. Footballs.

The New England Patriots were Patriots of football before there was football, in the time long ago when footballs were not yet in space. But then Tom Brady was made emperor of all the footballs and gave the footballs to John Elway who sent them into space to become football for all time. And so it was that there was now football.

But not always were there footballs, for some there were no footballs. Those without footballs did not have footballs and thus were not American. But then American came forth and Abe Lincoln freed the slaves which was probably a mistake but he made up for it by becoming a football and punting himself to John Elway who caught him and sent him to space to relieve Tom Brady of all his footballs so Tom Brady could go home to his kids.

Then there were the Denver Broncos, and football was for all time.

The Denver Broncos cannot be joined, the Denver Broncos join you. They take all the footballs and splice them together with genetics to make John Elway, and John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning.

When Payton Manning licks your earlobe you know it's time to receive football. The football that you receive is not the eternal football, it is just regular football, but it is symbolic.

Take football and run. Run, forest, run. To forest. Run Forrest. With Football. Then give football to John Elway and say "Touchdown!" and you will become football. Then, Denver Broncos.

Sincerely,
Football.

However, the most important thing to remember is that the Denver Broncos go great with Everything.

In particular, corndogs.

You know what goes great with corndogs? The Denver Broncos.

Denver Broncos are the best footballing team ever. There is no one on earth who can do footballs as good as the Denver Broncos. Many others have tried and failed to be as football. You think you can football like these guys? Heh, get in line, cuck. You'd need to get up about 12 hours earlier and spend all morning and all afternoon being football to football like the kings of football, the Denver Broncos.

Seriously, faggot. If footballing was the olympics these guys would be like the John Elway of football olympics. The Denver Broncos are the alpha and the omega of all footballs, the footballs that came first and last and shall be evermore the football. They own footballs now and forever. Footballs.

t. Denver Broncos.

Is this how bronies try to feel normal?

I believe so

"John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning"

<:Picardia:392506156708265984>

this triggers the @Pheedy

If this makes you feel better about jerking off to horses from a little girls show

Go ahead

<:OOF:406107072959348736>

>he doesn't jerk off to horses

>wake up
>have to shit
>sit on toilet and nothing comes out
>go to offer a golden sacrifice to our god J-Danielson
>as soon as I inhale, I feel the force of 1000 niggers rushing into KFC
>its all in my bowels
>shit all over the floor instantly
>smells like a hamster died in a cat's asshole
>I am crying and trying to stay conscious because of the smell
>My asshole ruptures and I feel the willy wonka waterfall of shit flowing onto the floor
>Tears and Pain
>all of a sudden I feel wonderful and the shit stops flowing
>my lord and savior J-Danielson comes
>lifts me up and out of the overflowed basement
>I feel so relieved, I knew taking dabs was for a good cause
>He whispers in my ear
>RKO out of nowhere, doncha say bud?
>My lord and savior RKO's me into the shit sea
>I was never seen again

Randy Orton attends the funeral the end

```css
>Be on this server
>Newfags don't know how to green text on Discord```

@Deleted User faggot

Someone isn triggered

no, ur unironically a faggot

btfo

Oof

Hey! I'm bi

bullying smh <:TheChadStare:392513491526877195>

Yoooo you wanna give me advice on my bio now?

@molly

Sure

Cool! Ty!

Can you vc rn?

Sure