Sup comrades. Blessings and prosperity upon all of you.

Hope you are doing well @Dan da Dad

I very much am. My house situation has vastly improved in the recent months, and I've finally gotten to see my daughters lately

hey good for you man. any good news is awesome news here.

i have a potentially stupid question. only b/c an attorney actually implied it - didn't go with him btw

but since my ex is building up massive debt which i could potentially be responsible for paying, should i not give zero fucks and just max out my credit cards as well. i already know its dumb but shit if she's going to go for broke might as well too. that aforementioned lawyer was like if anytime is a good time to spend money, it would be right before the divorce is finalized - something to that extent

@Dan da Dad that's great mate, wondered where ya had gone to! Glad it is working out, I thought the vanishing act might have been a bad sign!

Excellent man!

@ChitwnRogue I'm finding some contrary information about it when searching for that topic online... Some places encourage litigation if things are easily traceable and can be taken into account. Others say that the extra cost of that litigation can just mean you end up spending more

Whether you should spend money personally, is it really going to help?

Sadly, the only likely outcome of doing so *seems* to be that you both lose out. If things are being used for non marital purposes and that can be shown for joint finances, it looks like it's possible those things can be still be counted as assets given to that partner in the settlement

So, the settlement amount would be less

But, really, don't take this as legal advice because I'm not qualified to give it, this is just my interpretation from some light reading

ok, i knew it didn't make sense. just needed reminding why, plus i think i drank half my braincells away in my youth

i've been spending very little , only what's necessary. but i just wanted to splurge a little on gaming and some new shoes. a minor blip compared to what she's spending. thnx

Yep, while frugality is principled, and especially because she's likely to get more than half of whatever assets are left anyways, you're getting effectively a matched dollar from the joint assets on every dollar you spend (because only the final assets are split), unless you're really abusing shit and it somehow ends up acknowledged in the settlement, or the courts catch onto an attempt to hook the other party with the costs. It does however, usually work, and this is one reason why divorce lawyers can end up absorbing much of a couple's estate over the course of litigation and have a fundamental conflict of interest with the divorcing parties. It also may account for her spending spree.

I am not a laywer, of course

@Dan da Dad does that mean something important in overall battle, or is it an enforced order that you don't think will impact future decisions? Either way, sounds good!

@Dan da Dad That's amazing news! I'm glad to hear it!

@ChitwnRogue If you can take out money from your account at a higher rate and hide a bit of it where she can't get it as cash, that would probably work as long as it isn't extreme. I would not advise maxing out your credit cards as that is a debt that will cost you long term. A better bet is to maybe get a friend to look after a few of your more valuable things and tell the judge that they were gifts. You can get them back later. I realise that that is dishonest, but dishonesty and favouritism are unfortunately the name of the game here. Since you will be the one paying for any children,.it does not make sense for her to get everything else too.

@ChitwnRogue or just dont be petty and be an adult and let her dig herself in a hole.

@Night Terror that's what I'm actually doing now. I just need new shoes that's all.

Daddy needs a new pair of shoes! xD

So get more hours unless you like paying interest on shoes

yup, thnx for the divorce advice mate

i swear to fucking god these fuck lawyers. They make me think my case is cut and dry in the initial interview and now because they need another retainer it's a lot more complicated.

I'd rather share the rest of my savings with my ex then pay these fucks another cent

Oof. Sorry mate, some lawyers can be money grubbers I guess

@ChitwnRogue Wow. That's nasty. They make so much out of dads just trying to get equal custody. It's insane.

@ChitwnRogue look for a lawyer that has a flat fee

I don't think flat fee arrangements exists for divorce. At least I haven't seen it in the U.S. (except in a situation where the parties already have a mutual agreement and they just need to file paperwork)

Mine cost me $30k+ in attorney fees

plus another $20k for a criminal defense attorney due to a false allegation

all in all, $100k for a 2 year marriage to a liar

fuck my life

I have a flat fee lawyer and so does my wife

This is our 2nd set of lawyers but i take what i can get. They’re not as aggressive and you might have to the leg work but still

@Night Terror mind me asking roughly how much is the flat fee?

I found one for 5 k but I expressed how everything was done by the last lawyer and just needed someone for the final hearing. Which wasnt the case