When my wife asks me, "What do you think?" I think I really should have been listening...
I'm like Tom Cruise, I do all my own stunts--but never intentionally...
My cooking is so awesome! Even the smoke alarm cheers me on!
Listen guys, they say meat is murder...that's right, tasty, tasty murder....
Hey, if you're not part of the solution, you must be part of the team I work on...
you forgot a spot when you were cleaning it!!!
wow.... that actually made me giggle...
HE LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An argument started at my igloo house. It got so heated that the cops came and told everyone to freeze.
How to arrest someone 101: Hold your wrist over them and said “You’re under a-wrist”
*Deep Sigh*
🙂
My dad bought a chameleon, my mom didn't approve, but my dad said he'd blend right in
Hi Smokie
I’m stealing that one. I’ll take it by *force* if I must.
I’ll be a star in the war
Did you hear about the cat who wrote a novel? She called it romeow and Juliette
what do you call a hospital that cares for citrus fruits
lemon*aid*
You're getting a blow up doll?
Why does Waldo wear stripes? ||He doesn't want to be spotted.||
What is the difference between a bomb and feminist? ||A bomb achieve something when triggered.||
Feminists also have a shorter fuse
damn
you roasted them so well done even famished people don't wanna chew on that
lmaooo
yep
https://tenor.com/view/bomb-explode-dynamite-tnt-gif-12917341
yessir
What did the salted peanut say to the unsalted peanut... I’ve been asalted
Can I send this joke to a friend?
Bill Clinton: Walks down the stairs from Air Force 1, with a pig under each arm. Secret Service Agent: "Nice pigs, sir." Clinton: "Thanks. I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." SS Agent: "Good trade, sir."
https://tenor.com/view/badumtss-drum-rimshot-stickman-gif-9182213
