Message from SuperTomPerry -RI in MacGuyver - Skills & Academics #im-already-in-a-relationship

2018-08-17 18:57:57 UTC  

Thought there was an issue when I was tired but really I’m just making a mountain out of a mole hill

2018-08-17 21:33:24 UTC  

@Francis V it's not a mole hill. It might not be a mountain either but mistrust is a serious relationship issue. Money is another major problem for a lot of relationships. I would recommend taking to her about your concerns deliberately. First I think it would be a good idea to write them down and go through them yourself and consider consulting your pastor about any issues. Marriage is the most important decision you will ever make in your life. Love definitely can blind us to issues that perhaps a trusted elder can see more clearly. I'd also just like to say in closing that marriage isn't a secular institution. Pray on any concerns and make sure you are building your marriage on a solid foundation in Gods word and not on earthly desires.

2018-08-17 23:58:09 UTC  

@Francis V I don't know much about you or your lady, but there are some non-religious aspects to consider. A woman wanting her mate & potential father of her children to have resources to sustain them is pretty normal. There's a hardwired biological aspect to it, so I wouldn't get too concerned about that part. Seeing as she's Christian, it may even be more prevalent, as religious women often have a desire to take a traditional role.
As far as your love not being used against you: If you are a Christian, then you are already following Christ off of raw faith, you have to put a little bit of faith in her, and she in you.

Having doubts before typing the big knot is normal. Cover your bases, but do not talk yourself out of a good thing because of uncertainties.

2018-08-18 21:05:23 UTC  

@missliterallywho yeah I was thinking of the sad-while-tired part of it too. @Francis V

2018-08-19 05:10:40 UTC  

@Francis V If there's something that is obviously still bugging you,its best to talk to her about it now & try to work through those things. As far as the money,it's understandable to feel that way. But make sure you speak to her first. Most women do want to make sure they will be with a man that they know will be able to care & provide for them,especially later when kids come into it. Its pretty normal. But i know unfortunately there can be those that take advantage. Its likely something you both didn't realize & once you get it out in the open,with your cards on the table,the better the both of you will feel. 1 of the main things that also attracted me to my hubby was knowing he had a good job,would be a good provider & a good father. The rest although we went through some trying times in the beginning, because we went through hard times & worked together through them,made us a stronger couple years later & I'm greatful for it.

2018-08-19 05:14:35 UTC  

When something is really bothering you,speak up to your partner & try to talk honestly & hopefully come to a decent compromise or it may be something you didn't have to worry about at all once you realized you had spoken to the other about it. You won't know until you ask. I hope things will proceed for the better, goodluck.

2018-08-19 16:27:20 UTC  

I shoud probably admit one of my own failures in this regard. I don't know if I should I tell my girlfriend about my previous sexual experience? She is a virgin and very religious. I am not a virgin and have only recently rededicated myself to christianity. She knows that I am ashamed of things I have done in the past and that I'm repentant but I haven't told her about my sex life.

2018-08-19 16:42:19 UTC  

I would never advertise my weaknesses. Be honest if it comes up, but I wouldn’t bring it up, not this early in the relationship.

2018-08-21 16:42:41 UTC  

We talked about it and it was not a big deal it was that she kept our temporary roommates deposit on our new house. (Her friend is deploying to Korea or some such place soon and living with us for the two months until then). The truth is that I can afford it and that I was tired from driving twelve hours and hopped up on caffeine so I was experiencing caffeine and lack of sleeping induced psychosis I think.

2018-08-21 16:43:12 UTC  

I had to pay all three of our parts but it’s not much to me so I’m not going to fret over this.

2018-08-21 16:45:14 UTC  

As for the religious angle I have no doubt as to the purity and divinity of our union. We are both virgins and the union will be a lasting one, we in 6 years of knowing and dating have never had so much as an argument it has always been a discussion. We talk openly about the obstacles we face and the plans we must undertake to overcome them. Thank you all for the advice and God bless.

2018-08-21 16:46:30 UTC  

There is One other issue, she is a nondenominational Christian and is quite opposed to going to a Catholic church into which I have been confirmed and have gone to since I was a young boy. How do I bring up that I’d like her to become Catholic when she’s fairly opposed to such things?

2018-08-21 16:55:59 UTC  

I think she’s been told falsehoods about the church honestly

2018-08-21 17:00:27 UTC  

Personally I take a more fiery soul perspective in that I motivate myself to do great things through providence. Through a sort of late 19th century interpretation of God and our role in his world. While she is more into the penance version of Christianity with the nice doctrine interpretations. It’s nothing big we both are Christians I would however like her to come to my church of course however she is completely opposed to it.

2018-08-25 23:05:02 UTC  

Guys my girlfriend played the harp for me today. I couldn't hear a single note because she is on the other side of the planet and the video and audio quality was complete garbage, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy a ring before I go to see her.

2018-08-25 23:30:31 UTC  

Haven't you only been dating for a month? And you've seen each other in person once?

2018-08-26 01:08:35 UTC  

@Der Seeteufel - SD dude that's trad

2018-08-26 01:11:39 UTC  

@Tanner - SC yeah we have met each other in person once but she had to go back to Australia.

2018-08-26 01:20:31 UTC  

@Tanner - SC what's your opinion on that? in my own experience, I dated several women in 6+ month relationships that never went anywhere before meeting my wife when I was 23, so even though I proposed to my wife within 3 months, I felt sure in knowing she was the one. This experience always made me sympathetic to people who want to propose within a fairly short time span. (I compare this to a couple I know who won't commit to marriage after 12 years of "dating", with 8 years of living together.)

2018-08-26 01:34:25 UTC  

@Tanner - SC I have to chime in in that. I met my wife online, I'm 28 and she's 20 we dated for bout 3 months, before I met her, then I met her and weve been together ever since, Also we were married after 8 months, but also were living together so maybe this sped up the getting use to each other cycle I don't know. But weve been together over 2 years now, and have a 5 month old babygirl. So I would side with a fast marriage because that was my case. Also I've know guys who are thinking bout getting married and just like @ThisIsChris stated they were together bout 8 years dating. I just think that seems insane. But that's just my opinion.

2018-08-26 01:37:31 UTC  

@Francis V i understand where your coming from I was raised catholic and my wife is non Dem Protestant. And it makes things harder because of that. I dont really have any advice on it, just would like to talk to you or if you feel ya need to talk I'm here as well on this issue. Cheers

2018-08-26 01:48:10 UTC  

IMO, 8 months isn’t too fast. Meeting face-to-face only once is too fast. I’m not an expert, I’m just cautious. Nothing wrong with meeting online or talking long distance, but there needs to be meatspace time.

2018-08-26 01:48:49 UTC  

Yea that makes sense, we lived together for 8 months so

2018-08-26 01:50:12 UTC  

Living together before marriage is not something I support, but that’s like the equivalent of dating for 3 years in terms of time exposure and being exposed in times of stress or need.

2018-08-26 01:57:07 UTC  

That makes sense, personally I don't see an issue of living together because it worked for me, but that's not like I would reccemend that for other people.

2018-08-26 02:01:22 UTC  

My girlfriend and I talk every day via video calls and I have spoken to both her parents. I honestly would have probably married her sight unseen though. She's unbelievably beautiful and so trad it literally blows me away. She wants to be a stay at home mom, 7 kids, she cooks, cleans, and sews. She has never worn pants and plays the floor harp. I was just returning to faith when I met her but now I'm absolutely confident. It's like God heard my prayers and shot her out of a cannon directly into my heart. Sorry for the cheesy analogy but I'm in love.

2018-08-26 02:05:36 UTC  

@Der Seeteufel - SD yep Skype in invaluable for transnational relationships. My wife's European and that came in handy while she had to stay there while we worked through immigration.

2018-08-26 02:07:19 UTC  

Immigration is something I'm worried about. I might need your help with that @ThisIsChris but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

2018-08-26 02:07:44 UTC  

@Der Seeteufel - SD Yeah there's a lot to learn, I'll be happy to help.

2018-08-26 02:08:13 UTC  

@Der Seeteufel - SD be careful with people from other countries though alotta fakes out there. Just use caution and logic and reason as much as possible. Don't let ur emotion take over ur senses

2018-08-26 02:09:32 UTC  

@SuperTomPerry -RI don't worry we met through my church. She's the real deal. I have met her in person too. She was here briefly during the summer.

2018-08-26 02:11:10 UTC  

She's a homeschooled farm girl. My pastor has known the family for years.

2018-08-26 02:11:41 UTC  

He's the one who set us up together.

2018-08-26 02:20:59 UTC  

@Der Seeteufel - SD OK good to go. Me and my wife both homeschooled as well.

2018-08-26 05:07:31 UTC  

Where are women even at? Online? Only place i ever meet women are at bars/clubs and they’re not exactly keepers

2018-08-26 05:15:09 UTC  

@Sherlock Try a night class

2018-08-26 05:15:58 UTC  

Probably better for <#436337973001322508>

2018-08-27 07:09:27 UTC  

I can't help but chime in here. Years ago i met my hubby on Halloween,by December we got engaged. We started living together in January and got married in May. I was the one who knew i was going in with a man who had 2 kids & divorced already but it was well worth it because i could see the man he already was ahead of time & I wouldn't change it for anything. And we did have 1 daughter together. Next May 28,2019 will be our 25th Anniversary. We have been through alot together & I love him more now than i ever did & could never imagine my world without him.

2018-08-27 16:45:08 UTC  

@celticflame Thanks for sharing. A lot of people I've talked to who "knew quickly" have been v. successful.

2018-08-27 18:09:03 UTC  

@missliterallywho dreams are wild sometimes, self fulfilling prophecy sometimes it seems

2018-08-27 19:44:52 UTC  

@ThisIsChrisThankyou,quite true!