I am not the best on grammar, so I would say focus more on the story lol

no biggie. i'm terrible at grammar too

Is this high fantasy or low fantasy?

wait. the general was on a horse?

that looks cluttered, and it annoys me, and I wanna fix it.

Yeah, thought it was mentioned

;-;

it is high fantasy\

as it involves magic

like healing magic

Okay, should I involve Kaylin with the healing.

I was gonna have her related, as in a decedent of the Angel race

But I don't know

@Evelyn S. 🇺🇸 I love the colors that I'm conjuring up in my head from what you've written so far. It's exciting! Also, I already love these grandparents, especially Grandma Betty. I actually smiled at her witch cackle.

It almost feels as though it should be a film or a script - in a good way. The moment where Collin trips and the resident underneath looks up in confusion is humorous and I can see it visually in my head. Some of the events are a little jumbled together, though - the barrage lasts thirty minutes yet is glazed over in one sentence. There's also a lot of flash backs happening by page 3. The answer to why the dragons are attacking is seemingly mentioned on page 5 as well - it might be good to have someone mention it organically. It's as if they know why the dragons are attacking yet refuse to do anything about it. Perhaps Collin asks his grandmother why they don't just go check on the Heart of the Mountains first before they continue lobbing expensive sounding canonballs?

Lots of exposition

that's my main concern

the idea is so good. If I saw this in a film, I'd be smiling a lot. It's just...fun

(I have to go drive my little brothers a ways, so I'll be back soon)

Thanks! I’m glad you like the grandparents, they’re some of my favorite characters. After I finish this story I want to write a prequel about how they met

A lot of the same things you mentioned were brought up by other people too. I’m really bad with exposition, lol.
But you’re right, a lot of things are just kind of glossed over and I think it would be better if we could see their reasonings of why they don’t go the Heart of the Mountains right away, I didn’t even notice that
I really appreciate your critique and I’ll keep all of this in mind when I go over this section again!

(also, see ya soon!)

Is your story realistic fantasy or high fantasy like mine?

High fantasy

Oooooo okay

I like it so far

Thanks! I like yours too 😁

Thanks 🙂

Which character do you like more so far

Kaylin or Jackson

I like Kaylin

She’s fun

She's not suppose to be talkative though

She's quiet from what had happened in her past

Like an emotional thing

Awwww that’s too bad

I’m assuming it has something to do with her burn scars

I've been wanting to ask this ever since I found out this channel existed. Has anyone else had their work published?

Yeah, but that is a spoiler :>

Unless you want to know

I have but it wasn't the current story I'm writing

Last one was a star wars fanfioc

another was a medieval story I wrote

Both were cringy AF