I didn't realize why she was screaming like she was getting ripped in half

<:laugh:448312947073351681>

Well she turned out to be a piece of shit, after she joined the army and got influenced by them

That was back in my EMS years

🤣🤣

So then we split up and I got into corrections, then got sent to the academy and the uniform and some really good cologne got them all over me

Her replacement wasn't really all that attractive, really thicc, has three kids but it was definitely no emotional attachment

And then some bartender soccer mom who I used to fuck in the back of her truck on dirt roads

Can't remember her name

And then some other chick who I caught naked with her hotter friend in a pool at an apartment complex

Her boyfriend was there

But then later on I decided to take her by right of conquest

And then abandon the colony

Friend of mine was going to fuck some whore we knew from high school.

Few weeks before she was on fb telling everyone she got "the clap"

So I tell him this and everytime me and the guys see him we clap.<:happy:448313383846936576>

And then I met my wife

Love of your life

Definitely an upgrade

In high school I couldn't bring my gf home or to her house so we went to the theater and I'd get a bj.

5 showings in 5 different theaters. I took her to 1 a night for 2 weeks.

I was getting a bj during kids movies and the looks I got later😂

<:smugpepe:445634631950139403>

Def an upgrade @Ragnarok

For the price of movie tickets you could have just bought a car with tinted windows

@Deleted User I was 15

No license

Still

Anyways my mom knew the theater manager

And gave me shit cause word travelled

<:smugpepe:445634631950139403>

<:laugh:448312947073351681>

@wwezombiegod I didn't have a kid (until now) or caught an std in all my years

I'm a champion

After I met my wife I reverted back to religion

Now that I think of it

I was autistic as a child

No @wwezombiegod I was autistic

You know the headcrabs off of half life 1?

The headcrab zombies

Remember how they'd slap the wall and blood would appear on the wall?

I did that after masturbation and when asked about it I blamed it on moisture and mold

<:dab:448313143655923712>

🤢