his capacity for friendship is immature as he is so emotionally withdrawn, but I think I can safely say yes, he is my friend back

you both will be stunted in this realm

probably him more than you

he and I are becoming such similar people that he seems like he cannot help but be a friend to me

I am not stunted at all in that realm

I have extremely close friendships with several people

I meant emotions rather than friendships

elaborate, I'm listening

well, the basic issue is some kind of trauma in childhood usually

at which point the child

in defense

ensconces away with true personality

beyond a layer of narcissistic defense

what this means though is that emotional development essentially ceases outside of chance development

the true self remains stuck as that child

any growth, incidental

the defenses are iron, but since they aren't authentic, they can't actually hold

so they are constantly replaced, depending on stimulus

if that is not possible, attack is used

yes, which I know I do

anything to avoid being forced to come to terms with the sensitive child locked within

for some people, it's impossible

they will never do it

and unfortunately this whole thing is a vicious cycle of positive feedback

to you it will seem a jolly good idea to double down on what people may perceive as your faults

the only way out is painful, it's diminishing

but after it's done, true growth can occur

you're not a dumb guy, I'm sure you know why you are as you are

I won't poke into it

it's your business

but IF you want to truly be yourself and be comfortable with yourself, and actually have some true worth that doesn't crumble away to ash and needs to be covered up by various crazy antics

you've got to come to terms with it, and you've got to come to terms with how you are now being bad

bad for you, and bad in general

no excuses

https://twitter.com/KDVR/status/852280750133084160

murica

sometimes you just gotta have that burg

hahahahahaha

wait wait

I think you can do it @Deleted User 57835c2c there are people way worse off than you

I am not certain why what I keep locked up inside needs to change if I can deal with my life as is

then there is no helping you

epsecially since I basically see myself as using revolting tactics as a way to deal with revolting people/situations

I am rewarding like with like

when you make that decision that no, this isn't okay

then there can be some progress down the path I have vaguely lain out

it's your choice

stop thinking about other people

think about yourself

that habit may not be easy to kill

instead of thinking about other people and talking about yourself

do the opposite

if you do choose the double down route, don't think you'll just stay as you are now

you'll get worse

of course "worse" may be a more successful person, who may even be well liked

that's the real choice here, true self vs. false self

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7PZLxYs3x4

Joe was very successful in business. He bragged that his narcissism allowed him to be tough-minded and make the right decisions even when it might be unpopular with his colleagues. He brought the same tough-minded approach to being a husband and father.

this is you

wuzzat from

http://askdrcliff.com/archives/1353

Avoid the Four Horsemen – Learn how to stop Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.

you've got all 4 in big helpings

yes

the narcissist is stunted in that he doesn't have a clear emotional sense of the other person

like a kid

you can't blame a kid for doing some rude shit or whatever

they don't understand

anyone I behave narcissistically towards, I do not want to empathize with

this is rationalization, that should not be a choice

I decide first that I don't like them, then I stop viewing them as a person

yeah

I actually feel quite strongly and regularly do things like crying for patients on wards

sounds about right

I don't think I've shed a tear for a human being in my life

and yet I am the crazy narcissist

you're not crazy but yes

that's why I said it

I'm not a normal person, but I don't have a personality disorder

so you cannot simply use such stuff as evidence that you are okay or relatively okay

it is somewhat heartening, but I can't make out the twists and turns in your mind

that led to you crying for a patient on a ward

my instinct is to say it touched your true self, which is childish and hence vulnerable

so you teared up

but I don't know.

that is about right

I think if you were fully mature in yourself, you wouldn't cry either

this child stuff

it can sound like an insult

really, it's not

I hope you understand

it's just what it is

you're not actually a child

for traumatic reasons (likely) your development in a cognitive (I think spiritual) domain has been arrested or curtailed

it's not your fault, but then it is too

because you do have a choice

I need to go do some shopping, be back later

oh one question

how did it feel to cry in that situation

good? bad? confusing? uncontrollable? cathartic?