Ah, gotcha

A common problem for men in the judicial system is high alimony so this is to help this I guess

Lmao fair enough

It's good for anyone in a divorce who just wants to let off steam too.

@InsaneCaterpilla I was recommended that site, just haven't gotten around to it. But thanks all the same.

I'm looking into borrowing money to get at least a decent attorney since I keep reading you get what you pay for and not to do it on your own.

Does $2000 and $250/hr sound reasonable for an established attorney? 38 yrs experience

I've found that $2,500 and $175 is a lowball in my area.

Ya, it is low but maybe I found an honest lawyer (if there is such a thing) and he seems to think my case is straightforward. Plus he actually charges $300 but he said I'd be mostly working with an associate (less experience) for $250.

If it's a trustworthy firm, then good. If the divorce is straightforward (no major assets or dissention about 401ks and the like, no children, both want the same thing) then yeah try to spend as little.

Prep as much as possible though to save yourself even more. Hear court proceedings in your spare time and learn the motions you can file, brush up on the law and history of the law where applicable

For Eavesdropping (where I'm being tried criminally, despite this being a civil affair) I researched simpson v simpson and the court ruling about what is allowed into evidence, what was overturned, why, and what cases used it as a basis for further decisions, and when

will eavesdropping have any effect on your divorce? @Dan da Dad

Hey thanks for all the great advice @Dan da Dad , i been pretty much doing this all on my own. I been researching non-stop, some of the info appears to contradict or confuse me, so ya i think i need to hire an attorney who knows the local intricacies of famiily law.

And also thank you mods for putting this place together and the sub if you did that as well. I felt totally isolated and lost and you know all the emotions that come with separating. So i really appreciate having a community like this.

It has already, as it is considered Domestic Violence, and forced me to stay away from the home and given her control of the contact I've had with my kids (none)

Also, by keeping me at length, she was able to steal money from me and I was nto allowed to retaliate

Damn man, I’m sorry to hear that, my heart goes out to you, it must be terrible or seeing your kids

I’ll be sure to say a prayer for you

I was homeless for a month, my money stolen, and I haven't seen my kids since Xmas Eve, but I've been working every day towards a future with them, and gladly took the suffering because it meant a better situation than I could have hoped for

I went from nowhere and broke to a 3br house (renting) that didn't have a thing in it, not even a stove/fridge/curtains nada

To now a house with stove/fridge/dishes/furniture/dresser/mattress/food and more

I'm also getting a twin bed for each girl - and all the things I mentioned (minus the fridge) was donated/provided. I have heat thanks to the generosity of friends, family, church and strangers

I'm shocked how one day your spouse telling you she loves you blah blah blah and the next day they are you're worst enemy

Right. And SHE was the one who cheated

fuck, she'll get what she deserves in the end

That sounds awful man, I’m glad your fortune is turning around

It’s good to see that people are helping you to get where you need to be and be with your kids

yup mine cheated too, i been faithful 9 yrs

I could care less about her at this point. My aim and fight is for my children. I have been moved and protected by God's hand. If not for the exact timing of getting out of jail, my money stolen, twice, the first house I looked at and wanted getting scooped up the day I went to put the deposit, forcing me to apply with a second agency, finding the new house on the employee swap shop, the app getting processed that just happened to be the agency the employee was using...I got in before it even went on the market

you able to take care of yourself @Dan da Dad , get therapy if you can

I've been getting prayed on regularly, in counseling, loved on by people, and loving myself. I'm proud of the work I've done, which has kept my gaze on the horizon instead of down in the dumps.

was she abusive to you in any way?

ok man, sounds like you on your way to a better place

Before this? Manipulative, controlling, sure, but when that shit didn't work on me, it all started to turn. Took 7 years of fighting, but I wouldn't say abusive. Others may disagree.

Well it sounds like you’re better off without her honestly

i mean she could also have been emotionally, verbally abusive. mine, i'm starting to realize was very much narcissist

Are you trying to get physical custody of your kids?

Definitely better off now, but it's my kids I am concerned with. Not just the now. Money and things are fleeting. Her path is in hers to own, and God's hand.

I am going for custody, at least 50/50 - I will not deprive them of their mother, but I will not allow her to deprive them of me.

It's been difficult with limited financial resources and other goals that took precedent (washing the same week's worth of clothes, I've had for a month, for example, and heat in the dead of winter)