Message from @Higura
Discord ID: 547089833923706898
@ghostshark thanks fam
@Deleted User think it's best you save the edge roll for other channels just sayin
I don't want Jamal's left over roast beef. :(
@Higura I could cook for you instead..
How much money would it cost
A place to stay
And money for ingredients.
This is a fair deal
Kiss dad punch mom
Rip the discovery rover
Damn that one hurts
Anyway, yeah for today I'll probably attempt to sleep with 450. Made sure I didn't put any caffeine in my system since lunchtime. If I still have difficulty sleeping, I'll add a single 50mg but not any further. I imagine if I drink a reasonable amount of water with it, it'll help the toxic effects to dissipate more evenly through my system; as I usually just pop the drugs with a sip and call it good.
I'll let ya'll know how it goes.
Ok
Good luck fam
Oh okay, so update on my sleep bullshit.
Settled on a dosage of 400mg before bed. Less than I had previously settled on, but I drank a pretty hefty amount of water with it. Took me a little bit to fall asleep, but only managed very beinign hallucinations as compared to usual, but the inclusion of just drinking a bunch of liquid actually managed to cause me to pass out. Only woke up twice during sleep.
It's also definitely easier to deal with now that I know the exact source of my visual and audio hallucinations. I mean, it will hopefully go away, but the range of shit I see lately is crazy diverse.
Through dealing with this sort of shit, I'm even more so convinced that people who think they see ghosts and monsters, it is just a product of their mind.
At least in my experiences, I've seen at least 5 distinct 'entities'.
A patchy and hazy dogman sort of fucker who looks like that /x/ post with the dude who gets a dog muzzle sewn on to his face and just watches me when I'm not looking. Interestingly enough, while it's a non-coporeal hazy mix of indistinct shadow, it does have incredibly vivid and reflective eyes.
A wriggling Mass of tentacles that try to creep around from behind my PC monitors when I'm not focusing on the space behind my PC. It's like.. wiggling little whisps of worms, but if I attempt to focus or look at it directly, it vanishes.
There is also a frequent critter that at least appears to be crawling up my leg or squirming across my lap. Like a fat potato sized bug. A hard carapaceous shell shaped like a pinecone. This one is easier to manage because a simple wave of my hand through the imagry makes it disappear, I addition to trying bring visual focus on it.
The only one I have actual trouble with, where as the others are at least indistinct and largely formless, this figured is a solid black shape. I guess a good example of appearance would be that nigga babadook. Except entirely black, like a thick shadow. This one only bothers me because it only occurs when I'm waking in the middle of sleep due to feeling like I'm being watched. It's also the only one that has associated audio hallucinations with. Like a drowned out muddled whispering of at least 2-3 voices coming from the thing.
Usually doesn't appear if I leave a light on somewhere.
And finally, I tend to have a peripheral vision of a TV set inlaid my immediate wall to my right when not focused. It's ... Amusing, I guess?
Thankfully I don't actually see any of this shit if there's no drugs in my system, so I can imagine it'll stop if I can get it under control.
Most of this shit would have probably be better for <#462005526021013505>
@Higura
Dang man, that seems fucked
If you don't mind me asking, do you have some form of schizophrenia? Apologies in advance if that's an insensitive question to ask of someone
@KhromosomeKing
Nah it's fine. I don't know about schizophrenia, I don't have any living relatives, and my mom and grandpa were both pretty crazy to begin with.
I had worried about it being schizophrenia, as the symptoms have been more pronounced lately. But as I also deal with stress and depression and shit, and already habitually take sleeping medication, I didn't initially see the correlation between the medicine being the source of hallucinations. I don't have any serious mental problems when not under it's effects, but because I'd spend most of my time at home asleep, I was almost always half-asleep on meds when awake.
So I'm at least trying to make a concerted effort to cut it out as I am super dependant on the shit
@Higura
I recommend visiting the psychiatrist and checking out there regularly if necessary, (marked the upcoming part as a spoiler since it might be disturbing or make you doubt yourself, and I don't intend to cause that) ||and also there's a man with what I assume is severe paranoid schizophrenia in my village whose relatives probably ignored all of the early signs and it's now progressed to him believing that he can talk to God and that all large modern denominations of Christianity are set up by the Jews to trick and control the religious population into becoming slaves of Satan, he's openly hostile towards anyone who disagrees with that notion, and I believe he could've had it better if his relatives went with him to the doctor sooner,|| so if you think your condition is getting worse, you should definetely get it checked out
As a reassurance (hope it isn't shitty), don't get freaked out just because of some stupid Discord user's words, you probably don't have schizophrenia, and even if you do, it's manageable and you can still live a good life if you keep it under control
In any case, I wish you good health, stay safe and don't get anxious over my (most likely incorrect) assumptions
Thank you for the concern either way. I do plan on visiting the doctors once iv managed to lower my dph necessity to a manageable level. I am thankfully confident in my regular mental capabilities, and am reasonably confident that it's all a result of my unchecked drug abuse.
It's likely a compounded effect due to additional stress or trauma that allows such hallucinations to manifest so easily while under a thick cloud of the drug.
I'll be posting a story in /x/ in a couple days at the earliest, detailing my involvement with a couple other anon's and our interactions with a serial killers. My paranoia surrounding that is always kind of lurking like a shadow.
But yeah, I am going to try to get myself to a manageable state and then start seeing a doctor/psychiatrist regularly, just because I already deal with some heavy shit due to stress with my family all being deaded and me being an autistic fuck who can't socialize proper.
In any case, I appreciate the concern
Good to hear, best of luck to you
