Message from @Sleepy
Discord ID: 657808940784025601
I know the feeling far too well
Now that I think about it, I've only known my mother's side of the family.
the foundation crumbling, how many times have you dealt with that?
nvm, re-reading that it sounds more of a social thing than ideological
most people tend to associate with those that they do because it's easy. is really the root of it. whoever is at hand that causes less friction. the next layer is usually shared interest or identity.
like, I have the groups I go to, and then I have my group
and the people in that group are the people i've run into who are just A++
for whatever reason
I don't have any irl friends
my friends in the army fucked me over
it's hard when your time gets pinned like that too
the ones I have mostly just fell into toe same group in high school. handful of people from different grades. most went off to do their thing, but about 6 of us stuck
then i merged that group with the group of friends i made in college
I only have internet friends
and any of those guys can bring people in as long as they're not sketch
i mostly do too these days^
almost all of them are in different states
have one of them about 5 minutes away though
I typically have bad feelings about most people I meet irl
normally, I end up being right about them
you're always told to give people a chance, but most of the time they don't deserve it
and the ones who do need that chance, most people just miss it and think they're shit
most don't even give me a fucking chance
the social evaluation game is in a really fucked state
I'm too fucked to socialize, tbh
i can't even maintain eye contact ffs
almost all of the things we're told are "good signs" are things shitty people go out of their way to try really hard to express
i have a hard time too^
i see too much
i don't want to just look right through someone's soul at a glance
i don't need that shit ten times a day every day
I have a hard time looking into someone's eyes, because I feel they're just reading my thoughts, or just looking through me
I don't like it
i don't either
don't like being watched
fucking hate cameras
I could only maintain eye contact with someone I trust though
i like that I have a job that's away from my co-workers and I can just get it done
can't wait to leave the army
dunno what I want to do after