bro...

u think my mom really wants me to kill myself tho?

@Sam Amari I don't really think she means it but I bet she has thought it my dude.

The real issue is: Can you undo the damage done to you through behavioral changes and get off these expensive meds?

Can you increase income to afford this and survive?

I have no other choice I think

i dont think i can stop taking my blood pressure med

i could potentially get off my gabapentin

right now there is no other choice.........you have come through much, and its serious.......

I think you might be able to get off blood pressure too... ask the german doctor via email/phone call. You definitely will get a hold of him if you're an old patient.

and it may indeed get a tad harder

but you did say "I have no other choice" and that is a reality, and truth YOU even know

being on the streets and shit wouldnt terrify me as much if i didnt have two glaring weaknesses

the streets are pretty terrifying.....even this place we live

@Sam Amari find a way to distract your thoughts right now

if i get punched in the kidney i can die. i had to stop playing hockey my favorite sport. and when you've had the operations ive had you have NO upper body strength or muscle and cannot really build it. its like the cartiledge in my chest if frozen in place

so i fear the fuck out of situations where im like a "weak other" like being homeless or in prison. i have a billion scars on my chest

not a billion but yeah

I get what you mean......

@Sam Amari There are charities and organizations to help people exactly like you.

ESPECIALLY IN FUCKING OREGON

Yes there are.

The most liberal place ever.

You can set up a gofundme... if anything dude.

You don't have to mention the family stuff just your situation.

lol i dont even have a fucking BANK account right now cuz out of sheer coincidence, all of this happened while i was trying to switch banks

No! No gofundme, no PayPal, nothing. At least, for now

so i closed an account and then this shit went down before i got a new bank account

and you need to call the iunsurance, the doctors offices and get the info from them......they can direct you to other services that can help. It's a start.....and you must start somewhere my man

@Sam Amari you will be alright after a sleep

i dont really want to leave the chat but i will if u guys want me to

I wil chat with you

im listening. and i can change the subject and talk about something other than me... damn man.

until you are ready to get some rest....I am here

u guys are really great man

@Sam Amari we're your Bros, bro!

You're great and no....we cannot relate..........and its terrible right now. However, if you want to vent. I will reply

the last day that they removed the metal bars from my chest was the superbowl 49ers versus the Ravens

did the niners win?

I don't particularly like NFL, but I was in the hospital for 2 months with SHIT internet

not a footballer