i mentioned to my mom "wow, no one even knew Matt was suicidal, like no one has any idea" and my mom was like "wow hes the opposite of you; you always talk about it but never do it"

@Sam Amari here, go watchsome ASMR video on YouTube. Watch until you sleeps. After you awaked, you will feel more rational, and will know what to do

@The Tradesman Eh... have you met some people in the US?

@Sam Amari Yeah, she wants you to kill yourself dude. No doubt about that. You've "ruined" her life. I guarantee you that's what she's told others. You didn't ask for this pain.

@Deleted User I love Pakistan.

if you love it so much why don't you marry it 😉

Jesus Christ... none of these women are attractive.

@Deleted User haha

@The Tradesman Yeah you'd like to fuck some punjabi incest cunts wouldn't you? 🤢

You are all racist.

Why Israel?

@The Tradesman A LOT 😄

bro...

u think my mom really wants me to kill myself tho?

@Sam Amari I don't really think she means it but I bet she has thought it my dude.

The real issue is: Can you undo the damage done to you through behavioral changes and get off these expensive meds?

Can you increase income to afford this and survive?

I have no other choice I think

i dont think i can stop taking my blood pressure med

i could potentially get off my gabapentin

right now there is no other choice.........you have come through much, and its serious.......

I think you might be able to get off blood pressure too... ask the german doctor via email/phone call. You definitely will get a hold of him if you're an old patient.

and it may indeed get a tad harder

but you did say "I have no other choice" and that is a reality, and truth YOU even know

being on the streets and shit wouldnt terrify me as much if i didnt have two glaring weaknesses

the streets are pretty terrifying.....even this place we live

@Sam Amari find a way to distract your thoughts right now

if i get punched in the kidney i can die. i had to stop playing hockey my favorite sport. and when you've had the operations ive had you have NO upper body strength or muscle and cannot really build it. its like the cartiledge in my chest if frozen in place

so i fear the fuck out of situations where im like a "weak other" like being homeless or in prison. i have a billion scars on my chest

not a billion but yeah

I get what you mean......

@Sam Amari There are charities and organizations to help people exactly like you.

ESPECIALLY IN FUCKING OREGON

Yes there are.

The most liberal place ever.

You can set up a gofundme... if anything dude.

You don't have to mention the family stuff just your situation.

lol i dont even have a fucking BANK account right now cuz out of sheer coincidence, all of this happened while i was trying to switch banks

No! No gofundme, no PayPal, nothing. At least, for now

so i closed an account and then this shit went down before i got a new bank account

and you need to call the iunsurance, the doctors offices and get the info from them......they can direct you to other services that can help. It's a start.....and you must start somewhere my man