It takes small steps

When I lost my mind because I was gaslightened-narcissistically mind fucked by my best friend of 15 years. I wrote all over the walls as a way to have a place to re-enforce what I knew of myself. I wrote all the good things about myself I could muster. I wrote the bad things and how I can be more aware of my negative habits and how i can change them. I wrote what I dreamed about. I wrote what small victories I've made in the past. We will always battle against ourselves. We must take the reigns from our unoccupied mind and demand it to submit to our will. That will take the best of your strength. Catch yourself feeling that way,then try to do even the smallest joy producing thing and get lost in it.

@INNYGMATYK nothing really

I read a bit

But most of the things I really wanted to do I didn't do anything about

I feel that - I'm lacking and behind too

but I'm taking all the steps I can

and it helps to remember or remind yourself who you're doing it for.

Like Tomater said ; take inventory of your assets. All of them. You have at least some, trust me.

And then you know what you're working with.

And, once you break down your problems, you'll find the tools and what you have with how to use em.

idfk dude - but please trust me you will find a way.

Yeah

But there are things I really want to do but I dont have the personality nor the hability to do so

Do I really deserve happiness? serious question

Its not that you may or may not deserve it

Its whether or not you can find it in and for yourself

It exists in us. there are just complications in there

Never be worried about getting medical help.

I am sure a good bit of us come from a rough background,and those things as a child,really fracture our perception of the world and of ourselves.

So taking the time to go back and evaluate the wrong doings and the pain is worth it. I got good relief knowing that I'm partially manic and everything I worry about is turned up into a 10 by my fucking stupid dick smoking brain

and we do give too much power to our unoccupied brains

its like busting an employee fucking off while your the manager,come back " Oh look this fucker went on lunch early" or " this dumb sum bitch is on facebook "

Damn dude....

You seek your own hapiness my dude

Im just too unlucky to find it

Did I say something wrong fam ?

i don't know how I should feel now.... or how I should proceed.....

@Thomatorr, King of Ohio I get what you're saying, it's good stuff tbh. I just feel confused about myself and my own happiness

I'll tell you what I do

I kind of do that Dr.Strange shit. I just kind of imagine myself out of my body and examine the problems and why I react to them,then I wonder why I am holding onto them and try to find the simplest thing that'd bring me joy at the moment.

Like, mental projection stuff?

Yeah

I just go "Tom,do we really need to hold onto this problem ? Look at how its treating you,and how you are reacting to it,do you want to give a probability of a negative experience power over you ?"

I dont/ because normally the worst never happens

and should it ? Well I had my faith in myself and I can cash in on that

Like I used to get mad fucking salty that my lady would go to the bar with her friends. I used to be worried as fuck that some dumb hoe shit was gonna happen. Well. I said,the only real way I can test myself is to let this imagined experience happen if it does,because I've been a good man to myself. I've propped up my ideas on my shoulders,remaining clear and in good acting with myself. If it happened. I knew that I would be okay because I dared myself to let it go and let it happen should it. And know. I have no problem about her doing her own thing because I created trust there.

So anymore I can totally feel okay. I am worried that I might not be there to protect her from any one else. But I know,through emotional conditioning and faith in her,that nothing stupids gonna happen.

and I tell you what. I was like that for years

I'll.... I'll actually have to try that. Thanks bro

You in the US ?