But it’s honestly hard for me to tell. When I read back anything I write I’m more or less lost in the setting that I’m trying to build

People that write in all caps intrigue me

And a ping for @KirkpattieCake since they gave me initial feedback

I can't write in cursive anymore. at least, not legibly.

And I write a lot less rigid most of the time.

I couldn't to begin with lol

That is the type of writing I was taught to use when filling out journals for lab reports in High School and College. Clear and legible

Youre not apart of my generation then lol

I'm left-handed. I had my left wrist and hand damaged in an accident when I was fourteen; now I just sort of scribble with my right.

But anyways, always happy for any feedback on the content, and anything else really. Don’t be afraid to be blunt, i promise that I’m harsher with myself than others might be x3

I’m technically a millennial

Barely in the range for a 90’s kid as well

Why do you hate periods so much .

LOL I predate the internet.

Because I wanted to write a one sentence paragraph :D

Dang ok

But for me it's kinda overwhelming, esp when ur trying to introduce me to the world

lmao, that opening sentence just got longer

But really, I remember having to analyze an essay that was easily three times the length of that that was one entire sentence with nothing except semicolons commas and one period

I always found the idea interesting

If it makes you feel better this isn’t going to be the opening to a novel or anything it’s just a section that I have yet to place other than knowing it will not be the start or the end

If it comes after a scene/chapter break, this is still the placement into the scene -- and I think it does a good job, but it could be slicker.

Like if you imagine how it would be read out loud, where you'd get the emphasis/pauses/breaths

I'm down for another sprint if anyone wants to join? <:ExcitedPepe:781198443665424424>

```In spite of the afternoon sun, the markets, mainstreet, and alleys within Fort Leer sagged low, damp with the weight of the breathless, hungry, and exhausted.```

Like, that would be my editorial suggestion to slick the sentence/reading, but keep the mood, which is strong, it's still over worded imo which breaks the vibe of what sucks you in

Gotcha

Wordiness is a definite weakness of mine ^^’

@MofoDoggo I'm down for some but tomorrow

I'll be down in just a bit.

Also I promise that the pics of handwritten pages is only temporary!

WHAT. THIS ISNT HOW YOURE GONNA PUBLISH IT?!

It’s just all I can do at the moment except tap away on my phone xD

Ok... only if u promise ;-;

I mean I can still hand write chunks if that’s preferred

```Two expended and beleaguered men shouldered the burden of their lordship's cart, careful lest they disturb their cargo;```

Do you see the pacing changes?

Yeah. And I started to read it back to myself and definitely saw what you meant

Or rather, felt, because I only got 2/3 of the way through before I had to stop and catch my breath properly

```In spite of the afternoon sun, the markets, mainstreet, and alleys within Fort Leer sagged low, damp with the weight of the breathless, hungry, and exhausted; two expended and beleaguered men shouldered the burden of their lordship's cart, careful lest they disturb their cargo; behind the cart, more guards, marching in steel footfalls; their presence was a promise: anything more than watching would be rewarded with a trip to the dirty ground;```

Personally, I mustered the energy to read the first few lines and then lost it, my eyes started to wander. I guess I just dont like being introduced to a setting in this way, where the narrator is depicting what's going on. I like a more personal, action-filled, paint the picture as you go kind of approach. Like for example, maybe one of the peasants steps out of line like trips or something and one of the soldiers treats him ruthlessly. Show dont tell you know.