But it isn't ally sunshine and rainbows.

Because he beat the bottle, never touched the stuff when I was a kid.

but he also beat my ass

and my moms

and my little sisters

and my little brothers.

for years.

until I was around fourteen, fifteen.

One day he was about to go after my mom

and I went at him

beat his ass

My mom's brothers are all huge 6'6" minimum

my dad is over average height and I am in between.

Now you might think that is a triump.

but after it, he sits me down and tells me the most devistating thing I have ever heard.

"When I was a kid my dad hit me too. I swore I would never do that to my wife or my kids. But I did it anyway."

You cant feel bad about that tho man

This has a massive impact on me, because I am mid adolesence and it does something inside me.

This is only a part of the story.

Shouldn't have pity for men that beat their families

So for years, I was afraid. Afraid of being in romantic relationships becuse I am afraid I will be just like him.

I see

Plus he mellowed out after that. We were always religious and he really found jesus after that,

These days he works with kids.

But it has had a negative impact on our family. Including my bro's attempted suicide two weeks after my sons birth.

Man.

I really feel like I gotta get this out, but I'll regret it when I am sober. But someone needs to hear it.

So, in addition to that I was bullied throught school.

As I might have mentioned earlier I'm obese, a hunchback, and have cerebreal palsy.

But these conditions are fairly mild.

I'm lucky I can basically function like a normal person.

But my abusive grandfather had similar features. So because I resembled him, my dad was extra hard on me.

So I was bulllied so bad in school that I decide i want to be home schooled for high school.

My dad actually says "are you sure you want to do that? You won't be able to go to prom, etc."

but the joke is on him

I don't want to have romantic relationships because I afraid I will hurt her. Like he did to my mom.

:/

This causes no end of problems throughout my teenage years.

But I work hard, and eventually go to community college.

But my parents hearts were never reall into the whole home schoolding thing.

There was a girl I really liked when i was a teenager.