What's up bee

You doin aite?

Nothing good.

No

I think Im about to tell the pathetic story of my life.

Here we go.

Hold on. Gotta get dinner. back in a minute.

Get ready for the most embarassing and pathetic embarassing of confessions.

Like hard core.

Doubt it

So the story starts twenty years before I was born . When my dad was.

His dad was an abusive alcholic. A real ass. He was always good to me, but to my dad? Not so much. Horrible guy, like his dad before him

Now my dad. He beat the bottle.

He got married, joined the marines, and eventually graduated college. Becomming a speech pathologist and an upstanding member of society.

But it isn't ally sunshine and rainbows.

Because he beat the bottle, never touched the stuff when I was a kid.

but he also beat my ass

and my moms

and my little sisters

and my little brothers.

for years.

until I was around fourteen, fifteen.

One day he was about to go after my mom

and I went at him

beat his ass

My mom's brothers are all huge 6'6" minimum

my dad is over average height and I am in between.

Now you might think that is a triump.

but after it, he sits me down and tells me the most devistating thing I have ever heard.

"When I was a kid my dad hit me too. I swore I would never do that to my wife or my kids. But I did it anyway."

You cant feel bad about that tho man

This has a massive impact on me, because I am mid adolesence and it does something inside me.

This is only a part of the story.

Shouldn't have pity for men that beat their families

So for years, I was afraid. Afraid of being in romantic relationships becuse I am afraid I will be just like him.

I see

Plus he mellowed out after that. We were always religious and he really found jesus after that,

These days he works with kids.

But it has had a negative impact on our family. Including my bro's attempted suicide two weeks after my sons birth.

Man.

I really feel like I gotta get this out, but I'll regret it when I am sober. But someone needs to hear it.