Message from @Bladejewel
Discord ID: 779396796249276438
How dare you!
. What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader
What do you call birds who all stick together? Vel-crows.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and rhino?
|| Eleph-i-no ||
Dad always used to say: ‘the best bit about the fight was the make-up sex.
Great dad, terrible boxer
Turkey continues search for survivors after earthquake.
I thought they used dogs
They say chameleon’s blend in well, but this smoothie tastes terrible
how are politics like puzzle games?
they both start cheating when you're winning
Knock knock
"who's there? “
“dishes"
"dishes who? “
“dishes the ghost of Sean connery"
You murder one pizza delivery man, then you have to murder another pizza delivery man - that's the domino effect
Do people laugh loudly In Hawaii? Or do they give a-lo-ha
Did you know that you can hear your blood move through your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I remember my first tour of Afghanistan... Every day the enemy would fire gallons of mayonnaise at us.
Yup, life was tough in the hellmans provence.
Daniel Radcliffe has joined the criticism of J K Rowling over her remarks about transgender issues.
I'd call it a witch hunt, but he identifies as a wizard
As a newly qualified vet, I’m now permitted to treat animals.
Tonight, I took a herd of cows out for drinks.
A bit forced ^ lol
Ive never seen a truer statement
Why don't crabs give to charity? ||Because they're shellfish.||
Why do melons have weddings? ||Because they cantaloupe||
```I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there```
```We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage```
What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry? ||Opinions||
https://discord.com/channels/707691030748594288/728498363347107891/779525747332218880
Heard someone tell of someone who did an even better version of this. I forget the reason, but quite a few people would send them food to eat so they didn't have to make it themselves. Sometimes though they would get some food that was let's say... less than desirable, but didn't want to *not* eat it in case they were asked if they liked it. So they came up with a plan. They made a dump pit, named it The Spot, and would dump any food they didn't like there. That way, when they were asked how they liked it, they could say "oh it hit the spot!" <:KEK:726877368601411624> <:KEK:726877368601411624>
``My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...``
``My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."``
"The dad flows strong in this one"
What do you call a woman with one leg? ||Eileen||
What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? ||Irene||
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? ||Bob||
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of your door? ||Matt||
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? ||Art||
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? ||Russell||
what do you call a cow with two legs? ||lean beef||
what do you call a cow with no legs? ||ground beef||
what do you call a cow with one leg? ||steak||
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? ||a brazilian||
Coke = a girl, Guy = Biden
^