and then some are painful but then so long as you don't get stuck in a pit of dispair, eventually are healthy

Maybe the next Democratic president (if there ever is one again) will make it illegal for me to have a gun if I've told anyone about it.

yo, you are cut from the cloth of apex predators who literally fought their way out of the food chain... take your sadness and spin it... life is balance, for all unbearable things that have occurred to you create goodness for others so they don't have to suffer your pain too.

That is certainly my attitude.

good one to have

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But you know, I remain concerned. I don't really know for certain what is inside me.

It is hard to examine, even with professional help.

Hard to tell if I'm just being hypnotized into some cult of self pity, or working things out.

noone does. where do you begin and i end? same for anyone

My biggest issue with metoo: it's asking people to hold onto trauma in the most self-destructive way, hurting their ability to heal

No kidding.

@Nine thats a really good point

I mean, I've been sexually harassed in all sorts of situations _since_ then as well.

and I think I've dealt with it well enough, but it makes me wonder.

@Nine That's the whole victimhood culture in my opinion. It disempowers the people it claims to stregthen

if you think you're a victim, then you will always be one.... ugh absolutisms....

And, not to get on too much of a pity train here, but it doesn't help that I have to actively work to avoid being accused of being an abuser.

I have had near misses with malicious false accusers, saved by my own records before anything got out of hand.

nani nani

Look, we can't all be Emmitt Till, but damn can we conveniently forget what mob opinion did to him.

Makes it tough to trust new companies when looking for work, NFI who is looking to snipe people like me because they think there should be fewer "huwite bois" in tech.

I have to be especially suspicious of female colleagues, which fucking sucks.

minimally engage... or move to a single party consent state and 24/7 gopro your life.... become an IRL streamer

But yeah, generally I get up in the morning and feel pretty great.

and yeah, I record _everything_.

That is how I got away.

Currently working from home on contract, which is even better.

I think I'm going to try to keep working like this.

**On downside:** a.Depression i didn't know from where, shouldn't need explination why or how bad this is
b.made me socially awkward on account of always think i should feel sorry, or like i did something wrong (repeatedly all the time all day lol)
c. continued my delay of expressing any effects or trying to date women, i'm more sad about the women that liked me that i acted like cardboard to (on account of thinking any shown effection could be considered gross) too but live and learn i guess
**On upside:** .added a bunch of gay-lust i couldn't take seriously which given current trap memes has become calmed and settled since i can joke and relate to other people with less reason being even more confused then me, then usually explain and help them feel less insane/weird about themselves.
b. made me a crazy thrill seeker shut away from people, not wanting harm but wanting danger, i became a very good (amateur race)driver because of this which is still one of the happiest accomplishments even if im unknown/have nothing to show for it outside of small regional stuff. the compliments not 'you are fast' but 'you are fun to watch drive' would of maybe not been possible if i wasn't such a shut away, hours spent practicing alone in middle of nowhere because life itself made no sense to me

find your hill and climb it

> *I'm more sad about the women that liked me that i acted like cardboard to*
No kidding, that one hits you right in the regret.

5 centimeters per second irl lmao

> *added a bunch of gay-lust i couldn't take seriously*
Yeah, this is the weird one, I think there are whole game genres for people with this weird bullshit going on in their heads.

maybe due to the acceptance of homosexuality in the degenerate west.... at least you know it is meaningless

i dont consider gay degenerate

> *5 centimeters per second irl lmao*
Saw that in mid-late teens and it was so horribly depressing I could barely watch it.

didn't say it was, i said the west was degenerate... gay is meaningless unless you mean happy

its hard to get meaning behind what people mean sometimes here, no offense taken just isn't clear