that's right

tbh man im so conflicted. i look back at my mom and she went through some shit with me in Germany and temper tantrums that i had being so frustrated by my situation. but at this point in time shes decided to exile me for what i feel is a completely asinine reason. maybe shes having financial troubles i dont know abut and she cant afford to keep helping me but i really doub tthat.

its not like im trying to be a leech, i just literally have never had a job that made enough to afford my medical stuff. i mean, i had surgery every summer i should have had internships. i just dont have the absolute greatest resume

Hey.....at this point....you have to worry about you at the moment

Mom and family will have to work themselves out in due time.

@Sam Amari and?

And it will

when i get this stressed i just dont have an appetite. part of it is cuz there's always like a permanent "pressing" or restricted feeling on my chest from the metal bars that i had in there and when i get really full, its painful in a way that it wasnt before i had the surgery

meh, sorry @Kazemaru

im feeling sorry for myself for sure. but i really cant put together like a vision of what i need to do

just seems hopeless

No need to sorry, @Sam Amari just keep talking. You need this

my bad yeah i thought i was over doing it

Dont be ashamed of reveal your weakness

its just fucked man. i would never wish the situation where you still have to feel dependant on someone at 29 on anyone. but i had literally no control over my medical situation being what it is. i was just born

Sam......this is going to take a little time to get over with........I just want you when you close up for the night to know that you are indeed cared for, and have value to quite a few gents here

i think of moms who have kids with downs syndrome or other horrible things that have to take care of them their whole life. its not like ive been anywhere near that much of a leech. ive always had a job its just never enough for me to afford everything in the hellish fucking expensive as time we live in

right....and moms / dads with special need kids and adults are not perfect either Sam. They have their cahllenges too

*challenges

yeah

i have definitely said a lot of shit to my mom. blamed her for my situation and shit.

It’s better to not feel hateful in this situation

I had a decent upbringing, and I STILL fell into drugs.....and I knew better, was raised better..........sometimes things cannot be explained in an answer, and yet we all want a cut n dry explaination. It's really hard

Now I just thought something, @Sam Amari. You need to travel the world

yeah man. its just a lot to hear "im done helping you with your medical issues even tho i can afford to help because you said something i didnt like and then i attacked you physically"

Sam...you're angry...........don't beat yourself up.........it will heal.

@Kazemaru i've actually been to a lot of USA. and Japan and Costa Rica.

Germany obviously too but those were not fun trips

@Sam Amari and how did you felt when visiting those places?

Japan was probably the best time of my life but I probably will never be able to afford that again

I feel your sorrows man, I was prescribed aderral when I was younger cause I had “adhd”

i was able to afford japan cuz i got 5000 from a deceased family member

I shit fucked up my appetite

and after my best friend Phil died, he always wanted to go, i felt it was the thing to do

That s it! Tomorrow you're going to recover, find a way of self-improve and travel

oh god i feel so sad man

Nah bro, Japan is pretty cheap - 5k for a few weeks

i bought candy and toys for a lot of my friends while i was in japan. i dont think any of those friends would talk to me anymore 😦

i only spent 3k

so you went....and you have the experience.....now that friend who died........would he want you to just "give up" without a few more punches at life thrown?

No