Just got screamed at by my boss, because I fucked up the dates on a request for leave slip. It's just been too much these past two weeks. I'm really just sick of life. I don't know what the fuck I am supposed to do with my life. Literally any way I look at it, it just ends in me killing myself. There just isn't something not right with me. My brain just dosen't work the way it is supposed to. I fucking hate myself. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my mother and sister. I want nothing out of life. I have no desire for anything.

Do not say that

I think you're pretty tough and know how to do things half of this server don't, including myself

You may think you do not know what you want to do in your life, but that's because you had an emotional breakdown. Its normal

Every person has a desire, deep in their soul

Think of it

You know how to sustain yourself

You live close of nature

Going to do me a whole lot of good when I run out of insulin.

Been kicked out twice in the past two weeks

Slept up in the mountains one night, and in my car another

I have no money

No marketable skills

Have you tried to study something?

It's always good, believe me

Try to read articles

Try to course something

A language course is a very good start

Only got through high school because I was so disliked, that the staff just wanted me gone.

Failed out of college 3 years ago. Panic when doing tests, and just couldn't make myself do the work.

There just is something not right in my head. A connection is just not there. I have an abysmal memory for someone my age. Zero, and I mean zero self confidence. Terrible anger. Horrid social skills. No desire, or hope for future.

I lost my baby daughter. I am completely destitute. I have chemical imbalances that I'm hiding from the military. If I can do all that, you can beat this. You're far stronger than you realize. Don't let your brain convince you that suicide is the answer. Fight back.

@Biohazard6520 I used to be like this, had to give myself something to live for so I went and got a manual labor job and make learning how to fix cars my personal mission. The shop I worked for required no experience so I just went in and started working like a week after my interview. The work being so demanding plus the challenge of teaching myself a new skillset really helped me get myself turned around

Hobbit brings up something important

If you can't live for yourself right now, that's okay

Find something, anything to live for

Whether its fixing cars, pets, family, etc.

Yep

Now for me it's taking care of my wife and building my music production company

But that job in the shop taught me I needed to be busy and working and having things to do BECAUSE I want to be doing them in order to get my head on straight

@AKAlexei I can offer nothing more than my deepest condolences for your loss.

For me it was guns, learning guitar, and just bring stubborn. Got diagnosed with a rare degenerative eye disease at 19 that prevented me doing the job I wanted since I was a child, shooting driving at night. High school sweetheart had a miscarriage and moved to OR with family, immediately followed by an extremely abusive one, I had no friends, no money, and no reason for anything. Just find something or someone to live for like these guys say^. Be stubborn, be persistent. Nag yourself. Shit'll buff out brother

I do not care for pity, nor do I deserve it. I just need to talk. A majority of my family is either dead, or I don't know them, and would kill half of them myself. I've never had a good relationship, and never really had friends. I am a bad person, I am cold emotionally, and as my own mother has told me among other things, I will never amount to anything in my life, and am a horrible person. I prefer solitude, because all I can do is hurt people, but as much as I may try to convince myself against it, I am lonely, and have been for a long time. There is not much reason in trying to live a life with no purpose, but that is exactly what I have been doing my whole life. I am filled with hate for so many things that I go days, even weeks without feeling anything but anger, sadness, and stres. I cope with this by making other people laugh, or arguing with people, I may as well learn something along the way.

All I do is work, then come home and work on these old brokeen vehicles. I never got to have much of a childhood.

Then you can make a change

I do not mean to take away from your problems at all, I just wish to talk.

You have control

You're in charge of what you do with yourself bro

I brought up what I am going through because I'm telling you that if I can get through that kind of shit, shit I have zero control over, then you can get through yours especially because of the fact that you have control

Sometimes the best thing you can do is vent man, bottling stuff in will eat you alive

^