But you get what I'm saying. It is your basic nature, fren. We all work like that, and it ain't nothing wrong with it unless you see the pursuit of a 'truth' cooked up by subjective brains as being better then everything.

As well, it's the hard heartedness that is holding the faith back from becoming your fact. You have to be ready to embrace Jesus Christ for him to truly show Himself to you in any way really. You have to be able to make the first step.

Marxism is killing me. I tried to hide in Anarchist thought, but Egoism is still materialistic at its core. I can't do this. I lost interest in leftist politics because it was killing me. Now I know why.

Yeah, I'm not sure I'm ready for the fullbit just yet.

It has been traumatic just to recognise this inner conflict.

We're such complex creatures, and so squishy. It's sad in it's own way, isn't it? To the point where someone can just look into your eyes and see all the pain and emotional tiredness.

I Googled 'how to achieve eternal life' and this is what the zeitgeist delievered: https://carm.org/what-must-i-do-to-obtain-eternal-life

A Christian result.

@Anglican it then makes sense to have an ideal idea of a human to strive for, like christ

@Timo))) Of course, but that's logic. Not just raw human want.

The west is sick in part because they're so non religious imo

The west sick is because modern man has died.

*I shall hold a gun to the head of modern man. Not to end him, but to bring him back to life.*

Yandex (search engine) results were much more secular.

We're sick because modern man created a framework that was perfect at the time. Leading to so much progress and step after step toward glory.

But eventually, he disappeared. And the system has began to rot. With no restraint, it only gets worse.

We're fuck boys; *dark skies by night and red, blinding sky by morn*

He really looks like he's been crying.

Or he's been smokin' the devil's lettuce too much

Is this you truly renouncing Marxism?

Or are you just playing another game? For your entertainment and a way to waste a time out in a world that is killing you?

Probably. Trying to tell myself. Not sure how.

Well, it's hard to escape things.

If I ever said it was just for my entertainment, it's because I was trying to make light of things, try to hide my real concerns.

Especially such an abusive relationship.

Sounds like the entire truth to be entirely honest.

You're just a human Chopin, a man tortured by the world. Seagulls swooping at you again and again and again. I'm sure a lot of this was some time of cooping with the pain. With all of that, I'm sorry.

It's sometimes hard to navigate on the internet where emotional vulnerability is not welcome.

Welcome to modern liberal internet.

Because its fine to *hate*, *bully*, *push*, and *stab* here.

If it's for the lols of course.

It comes from a place of pain and insecurity though. Sometimes I am happy to eat some insults if the person on the other ends gets some satisfaction. But it is like given a drug addict another hit. Not wise, but I can sympathise when people lash out and create personas for themselves on the internet so that they never have to be hurt again.

The reality of that is just numbing.

For myself, it's all this attempt to get people to treat me fairly and like the sibling I hold them as.

I fucking hide so much for that fact, I know you're just opening up now. But I'll take whatever you've got to throw at me.

I'll roll with it, if I can get that beautiful spark from you. It's the reason why places like /pol/ and IronMarch fail me. They're just hateful and aggressive.

That is they're nature, and I am a soft spirit searching for my place in a collective I can trust with my weak body and my aching, feaverish mind. Others I have to refuse because they're just wrong in o so many ways.

**Shrug**