I am reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

Son: How much do all of our bones weigh? Dad: A Skele-ton.

Son: How do I look? Dad: With your eyes

**A man called London airport at 1:00pm**
Man: How long is a trip from here to New York?
Airport staff: Just a minute
Man: Great thanks **hangs up**

True

Have you ever head of olive?
You should!
Olive the other Raindeer

Due to the coronavirus quarantine, I will only be telling inside jokes.

What is brown and not very heavy?. Light brown.

Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it, it's spam.

core math vs real math is like counting on toes and fingers vs super computer

A jail and a prison are basically the same thing,
But a jailer and a prisoner, are completely different.

You’ve probably walked past someone you’ve played video games with online before, and didn’t even know.

Your future wife is probably telling her boyfriend that they’ll be together forever.

No ruling British king has ever used the Internet.

If your over the age of 30, you were alive, before every single dog that is currently on earth.

Arms on chairs, are just like chairs for your arms.

If two mind readers are reading each other’s mind, whose mind are they actually reading?

The brain is the only organ, that actually knows it’s an organ. And on top of that, it named itself.

For a very brief second, every 19 year old, is the oldest teenager in the world.

There’s only 2 days in your entire life that aren’t 24 hours long. The day your born, and the day you die.

In 500 years, a young archeologist is going to find someone’s preserved sketchbook with crazy monsters, Dark horror beings, and evil Garfield sketches and spend his whole career trying to prove these things existence.

Buying erasers is literally paying for your mistakes.

A “lap” is a non-existent part of the body that imaginably exists only when you are sitting.

If a dog could use a computer, he’d likely have his owner as his desktop background.

You don’t realize how many women dye their hair blonde till you think about how many men you know with blonde hair.

People say I’m addicted to brake fluid but I can stop anytime I want.

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

My wife thinks I’m too nosey. At least, that what she scribbles in her diary.

Since we use chemicals to kill wasps. And wasps use use chemicals to string us. We are at constant chemical warfare with wasps.

Well geezus

I always keep a list on my phone. Never know when I’m gonna need one.

how do you exercise a dog with no legs? take him for a drag.

*sigh* what a drag... 😉

which planet has a father?

the _sun_

Bruh

Bruh

<:FeelsVargMan:726877394991972382>

@PatriotSaint posted this in memes. Fml I almost died laughing

Haha nice

😁

*Sigh*

Ehh, looks to be 3, judging by the treads

I’ve been staring at that table for 3 hours now...I’m not even tired! 😉

<a:SOBruh:706943915986518066>

Backwards it read you unless sense no makes text this

Imagine eating a clock, it would be so time consuming.

Why isn't my I-phone a vegetarian?


||Because it's made by Apple||