had a huge depressive relapse back in December and haven't recovered since

The most I've ever benched is 56kg

Sucks man

probably will get better when i finish school for good

1RM...

@GT1646 better than me man, most i benched was 35

Well I have Rock solid motivation for going to the gym

i legit had to lift only the bar the first time because my chest was utter shit

If I don't see the diabeetus catches me

And I die the slowest and most miserable death

my father's side mostly died of diabetes

including said father

diabetes and heart problems

The most I ever squatted was 120kg. And then I fucked my knee sideways. So I'll likely never hit that number again

I'm currently suffering from hypertension already at 19 years old

Yep it's ravaging my father's side of the family. Countless horrible complications. I am not going to let that happen to me. It is perhaps the easiest motivation I could ever have

and I'm not talking 130/85 hypertension, I'm talking 150/100 hypertension

Yeah I had high blood pressure at one point

Higher than that even

I just want to stop looking like a chubby 15 year old

I look underdeveloped

I have so many friends that have never picked up a weight in their life and they are 100x more muscular than I am

the most dedicated thing I've ever done besides video games was train Rugby for 3 years

depends on the lifestyle GT

i mostly live super sedentary

Well here's a quick pep talk, which is what I sense you're hoping someone will give you.
Eventually you will realize that feeling sorry for yourself produces no results, you will get sick of it, and you will decide to get up and go back and get after it again. hopefully this time while talking with a dietitian who knows what the f*** they're talking about. If they don't give you results, fire their ass and find someone who will. Same with the gym.

^ its what happened to me

I haven't ever talked to a dietitian

There's really no point for me to

The dietitian is the secret

I can't exactly stick to anything they'd give me

So is a trainer who knows what they're doing

As opposed to some idiot who got a loan from his bank to start a gym

Why TF would I need a trainer?

im not sorry that I'm back at 128KG. its my fault, all i need to do is get back at it again

Because you don't know what you're doing

@GT1646 clearly you do if you aren't getting stronger

That's false

I don't need a trainer

I know how to lift weights.

Uh huh