Message from @InsaneCaterpilla
Discord ID: 521688260766990356
This is the one that never seems to break though, so I keep using it
I had two edges, but they both broke as soon as they were dropped
Tell you what ill screenshot just so you know I'm not full of shit
Cut off at a different point this time
My apologies for not being good enough to display the full fruits of your efforts
You're basically at the end in that screenshot
Your studies I've looked into. They're good.
Your opening still need work.
"Now, there are other issues boys face in education, but most of those are somewhat removed from the actual schooling. The effect of fatherlessness for example, may very well dwarf everything I've mentioned in the article so far, but that isn't something the school systems themselves can deal with. In any case, that topic is for another article."
That's the final paragraph
so you have the whole thing more or less
Thanks for the feedback, I'll give the opening another shot
And thanks @Indigo for the ideas
Now basically, hopefully, I'll have someone take issue with something in the middle in the next while or at the next revision
Just make the opening flow, mate. It has to sound natural. Don't make it sound like a study itself cause it's not
Being too factual will turn people away
If you can't say it out loud, don't write it
That's a rather unorthodox way of explaining what I mean and I hope it makes sense
It's so understated that the style of writing is something that matters most... No one will pay attention if they back out after the first few words
You know, men tend to be more concise with this. Give better studies etc. Instead though it's more persuasive to write more personably
yeah, haha
well, I mean I don't know about the generalization, but yeah
You'd benefit from going to a persuasive writing course
Oh I have no interest in that
My pursuasive writing is mostly for the sole benefit of randos on internet forums
Sorry, definitely not trying to be critical as such! I remember I said I respected those who pursued English as a career, perhaps that's only cause I've done so lol
stop worrying about my feelings damnit
Never
Just cause you're a man doesnt mean they're not worthwhile
O-okay, I mean, stop fussing haha, better?
I'm imaging blushes on your cheeks in an anime fashion. So maybe xD
Watching men care about men makes me all warm inside.
Yaoi time? Lmao
😉
Sepuku? Sudoku? Yahtzeee!!!
Oh good Lord xD
Those seem to be...very different things
They are!!!!
I'm not even sure yahtzee is Japanese