And I've never seen my friend being like that

He was destroyed. Fell into severe depression.

And I used to tell him about how I want to kill myself

As a joke

I never say that to him now, and from the time to time, when I feel like I don't deserve everything that is given to me or some bullshit like that

I remember the conversation with him

How it took 3 days to find the guys body

And that 3 days were a living nightmare for him

And I just keep thinking

I can't do that to people I love

We're friend since I was 13, we shared the same dream. He always tell me how lucky he is for have a friend like me

And I feel the same, sometimes I don't deserve him as a friend

So my point is

Later I found out many people feels the same

They don't really have a interest in life or at least they just say that

But they can't hurt other people by choosing selfish way out

i completely understand that

i remember seeing something how like suicide is like an IED, it completely destroys the ones closest to you (e.g. close friends, family)

committing suicide doesn't get rid of the pain, it just transfers it to other people

Yeah

So I can't kill meself not because life's worth living

But life is about people you love and care

That was the hippest thing I ever wrote in foriegn language

Lmfao

You sound like Dame Pesos which makes you a little hard to take seriously but you're right

Yeah don't take me seriously I'm full of shit

Heh

Maybe in korean I can pull off some better shit idk

I think my problem is that I surround myself with people with the same self destructive tendencies that I have

My closest friend is borderline alcoholic and my second closest isnt far behind

My old friends all turn out to be massive drug addicts and I seem to be the only person I know that hasn't turned to substance abuse

you better avoid that shit like the plague

dont want to end up being fucked up on the street corner begging for 25c from strangers to get your next hit

Yeah

The ones that are drug addicts aren't really there when you talk to them

It's kind of sobering, really. Seeing how a form of escapism can turn into something worse than what you're trying to escape from

At this point I've stopped caring

There will never be a happy ending to any of this, no matter how you look at it.

Having someone to care about - that cares about you - kind of makes it easier to deal with but my life is kind of lacking in that department at the moment.

Maybe your family at least?

The only family member that isn't in another continent is my dad. I love him.