Message from @RUSE
Discord ID: 541160310661316609
The problem with the fact that I'm gifted (the government's cuck buzzword for the smart kids) is the fact that I realised that life would be shit when I was like 6
There was a friend of my good friend(since I was 13), this guy killed himself two years ago.
And I've never seen my friend being like that
He was destroyed. Fell into severe depression.
And I used to tell him about how I want to kill myself
As a joke
I never say that to him now, and from the time to time, when I feel like I don't deserve everything that is given to me or some bullshit like that
I remember the conversation with him
How it took 3 days to find the guys body
And that 3 days were a living nightmare for him
And I just keep thinking
I can't do that to people I love
We're friend since I was 13, we shared the same dream. He always tell me how lucky he is for have a friend like me
And I feel the same, sometimes I don't deserve him as a friend
So my point is
Later I found out many people feels the same
They don't really have a interest in life or at least they just say that
But they can't hurt other people by choosing selfish way out
i completely understand that
i remember seeing something how like suicide is like an IED, it completely destroys the ones closest to you (e.g. close friends, family)
Yeah
So I can't kill meself not because life's worth living
But life is about people you love and care
That was the hippest thing I ever wrote in foriegn language
Lmfao
You sound like Dame Pesos which makes you a little hard to take seriously but you're right
Yeah don't take me seriously I'm full of shit
Heh
Maybe in korean I can pull off some better shit idk
I think my problem is that I surround myself with people with the same self destructive tendencies that I have
My closest friend is borderline alcoholic and my second closest isnt far behind
My old friends all turn out to be massive drug addicts and I seem to be the only person I know that hasn't turned to substance abuse
you better avoid that shit like the plague
dont want to end up being fucked up on the street corner begging for 25c from strangers to get your next hit
Yeah
The ones that are drug addicts aren't really there when you talk to them
It's kind of sobering, really. Seeing how a form of escapism can turn into something worse than what you're trying to escape from
At this point I've stopped caring
There will never be a happy ending to any of this, no matter how you look at it.
Having someone to care about - that cares about you - kind of makes it easier to deal with but my life is kind of lacking in that department at the moment.