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k

I'm not gonna lie ; I'm pretty big on trust issues.

I don't know how and I don't know why but I wound up obsessing over being prepared for the worst, and hoping for the best.

By way of prioritization, I skip the latter ( a lot ).

By highschool, I was convinced it was a lot easier to assume that WHATEVER the wordt case scenario in your head was, to assume that was the truth and to prepare for it.

It helped me sometimes - hurt me others - it still hurts me innalotta ways to this day, because I don't talk to people or make an effort to ( see : no one means what they say, no one is gonna come through, no one likes you anyway, everything you say is stupid. shut up. [ it's yelling at me, even now ] )

Sometimes it breaks down to math and consequence - there are things beyond your control.

In that case? I find you have to analyze and decide what course of action you CAN take, to keep yourself protected / sane.

There is always a way through something.

You just have to find it.

I can't remember if it was you or Jaru who I said this to - but if you seem to or feel like you have "" too much to deal with "", it helps to break it down into pieces.

Like Mac was saying ;

notice you have a negative outlook
consider those circumstances and what you can do to change them
when you next think on the dark side ( fuck, isn't it easy ), take steps or try to approach it differently, and take a different route


It's not easy ( FUCK DUDE - it is SO HARD. I have been ""the negative person"" my whole life, and when new shit comes up, I'm S T I L L convinced it'll be bad ). But taking small steps ; tackling your problems in chunks, will help.

Like Mac said ( again ), it's about elevating yourself, and finding people who help you do that.

I can't give you the blueprints TO it - I have no idea what pseudofailures in your life you can read out or turn in to positive reinforcement.

But it starts with sorting out the things you CAN do, in place of remembering the things you CAN'T.

Circumstance is a bitch.

Life makes sure you know.

But all you can do is pull yourself up, and carry the fuck on.

It's hard - the world is shit - everything is shit.

You can still clip a branch and carve it into art.

You can still exercise and make sure you live to see tomorrow.

You still CAN - even when you think you can't.

If you're drawing breath ; you have potential.

( I didn't mean to ramble - I don't mean to sound mean or harsh - but through all the shit I have been through and put myself through, the universal truth has been ;

**I** *got* **ME**.

And that's all any of us ( REALLY ) have

and while YOU may not feel important, or normal, or like you fit in, the only way to change your state, is to work and change *yourself*, til you're comfortable with the World you have created.

And that is never gonna be easy nor instant - I'm 28 and **still** have *too much* work to do.

But breaking down the parts of things that make me feel bad - changing what I can in and around that chunk - and then making the next chunk my bitch, too, has helped me build stairs to crawl out from where I was.

But my staircase and your staircase are separated - I can only tell you how to lay the blocks.

You have to make them.

thanks

sorry but i dunno what to say

i need to think about it

No - it's okay man - I honestly don't know how to explain or if I gave you anything to work with.

Honestly, I have never dealt with anything *close* to your situation.

But in all of MY shit - and worst moments - I've found the only way to keep climbing is to convince yourself you have to - and to remind yourself you only have your own hands and feet.

It helps when / if other people are able / willing to help, for sure.

But in the end, you're the only person you got at 3a.

yeah, for sure

Just offering my insight - I like you a lot dude - I wanna see you come out on top

thanks folk

appreciate it, m8

just lookin out

but im pretty fucked up

We're all fucked.

It's all fucked.

I just wanted to pipe in and ramble because, like I said, I can't trust anyone to do or mean anything they say - and because people have been saying ""look on the bright side"" my whole life, and I've developed a pretty deep running fear that whatever's ""wrong"" with me ( and my negative outlook ) isn't ""fixable"".

But I can ""fix me"" ( or try ) until my own company is at least tolerable in this mess.

Because I can't stress enough how important or how hard it is to value and take care of **yourself**, *first*.

can't say we're all fucked

some are, some don't

but sure i am

X to doubt - if I've learned anything, it's that we're all dealing with some fucked up aspect of this mess or another

Just be careful with **math** because numbers can be **decisive**

of course we're all dealing with problems

but doesn't mean everyone has the same problems

some have worst problems than others

No - but if everything *is* fucked, then we're all dealing with symptoms of it - ergo we're **all** fucked

Not all as much as others or vice versa - we're all dealing with different shit, for sure.

yeah sort of

Great year so far

Guess what

got the news my uncle just died

I'm so sorry dude. . .

ty