I also took from me one of the few things I was good at years ago, singing.

Even with all that, you still have control over your shit

You want friends? Make em. Want to change your personality? Do it. Wanna get in touch with your emotions? Get in touch

You can do these things

And that's what's important

I can't even stand the sound of my own name

Then you need to fix that problem first

I don't know what to say. I've hated myself for so long I can't even bring myself to even image any other way.

That's why everyone is telling you to find something that give you purpose. You'll start feeling useful

I wish I could. But it is not that easy. I live out in the woods very far. There is nothing here, anywhere here for me. I do not have money to just get up and go somewhere.

You like music?

Download a DAW and teach yourself how to compose.

Ultimately whether or not you believe something is possible holds you back more then whether or not it actually is dude.

I was a percussionist years ago, and can play some guitar/balalaika, and some piano. But it is not enjoyable for me, nothing is. I have been like this for so long that I have to force myself to do nearly anything. Things I found enjoyable in my youth I now dread.

What's a balalaika?

@Biohazard6520 why is that, anything happen or you just in a rut

I just don't enjoy things anymore. I'm so mentally screwed up that I can't make myself enjoy anything. That may be from so many years of fighting with my mother, and her getting mad and saying things like "I don't deserve anything" or "I don't deserve happiness", stuff like that.

For as long as I remember if I enjoy something I ruin it for myself.

It's as if a voice in the back of my head is yelling at me telling me I do not deserve to be happy, or "how dare I enjoy something".

Living trapped in a hell inside my own head.

you should meditate on it, reflect on why you think like that, i belive everyone deserves to be happy my man even you

and if you ever having a bad day you can DM if you want

or just slap it in here and tag me

also try to change your way of thinking its very important to reflect on these things and ask your self why

Remember

Uselfulness CAN be changed

If you feel that you're not useful and do not know how to do anything right, you can change that, no matter what

No matter what person, it CAN be changed

The only factor is the person itself

Search for courses

You'll find something that you like

Need some advice

What state should I stay when I arrive in the US? I'm concerned about money. Need a cheap place to stay

Generally speaking the south is cheaper

Yeah, thought so

My biggest concerned Is how much money I should get to have a good start

Rent, car, food, internet, etc

South is definitely cheaper

Cost of living is lower, for one. Healthcare is better in the north.

Sounds good