Message from @Biohazard6520

Discord ID: 611905168203579434


2019-08-16 12:47:11 UTC  

Sometimes the best thing you can do is vent man, bottling stuff in will eat you alive

2019-08-16 12:47:19 UTC  

^

2019-08-16 12:47:23 UTC  

Yep

2019-08-16 12:47:27 UTC  

Bro, life's a struggle, not to sound cliche or like a hippie, but you can't dwell on the bad shit my man. Find something that brings joy. You got this shit.

2019-08-16 12:48:02 UTC  

My choices in life are very limited, colorblind, type 1 diabetic, bi-laryngeal paraylysis, slight limp from a crushed foot.

2019-08-16 12:48:35 UTC  

What the hell is bi-laryngeal paralysis

2019-08-16 12:48:55 UTC  

Your larynx is your "voice box"

2019-08-16 12:48:58 UTC  

If I let bad shit eat me I wouldn't be self employed in my dream job. Such a long road for me to get here but it did it. Teach yourself something super useful, like machining, or welding, or rust analysis and dive headfirst into it. You gotta find your obsession bro

2019-08-16 12:49:03 UTC  

Half of mine is paralyzed

2019-08-16 12:49:24 UTC  

So what, you sound like Godfather on Generation Kill?

2019-08-16 12:49:53 UTC  

I can only breath half of my throat open. So if I don't hold my throat certain way when I speak I sound worse than a ghoul from fallout 3

2019-08-16 12:50:10 UTC  

I get out of breath easily, it's like breathing through a straw.

2019-08-16 12:50:23 UTC  

Shit son

2019-08-16 12:50:27 UTC  

If I drink in just a slightly wrong way I asphyxiate

2019-08-16 12:50:44 UTC  

Well, look here

2019-08-16 12:50:48 UTC  

I also took from me one of the few things I was good at years ago, singing.

2019-08-16 12:51:01 UTC  

Even with all that, you still have control over your shit

2019-08-16 12:51:36 UTC  

You want friends? Make em. Want to change your personality? Do it. Wanna get in touch with your emotions? Get in touch

2019-08-16 12:51:45 UTC  

You can do these things

2019-08-16 12:51:55 UTC  

And that's what's important

2019-08-16 12:52:40 UTC  

I can't even stand the sound of my own name

2019-08-16 13:08:03 UTC  

Then you need to fix that problem first

2019-08-16 13:10:01 UTC  

I don't know what to say. I've hated myself for so long I can't even bring myself to even image any other way.

2019-08-16 13:10:32 UTC  

That's why everyone is telling you to find something that give you purpose. You'll start feeling useful

2019-08-16 13:13:19 UTC  

I wish I could. But it is not that easy. I live out in the woods very far. There is nothing here, anywhere here for me. I do not have money to just get up and go somewhere.

2019-08-16 13:13:48 UTC  

You like music?

2019-08-16 13:14:04 UTC  

Download a DAW and teach yourself how to compose.

2019-08-16 13:15:08 UTC  

Ultimately whether or not you believe something is possible holds you back more then whether or not it actually is dude.

2019-08-16 13:20:34 UTC  

I was a percussionist years ago, and can play some guitar/balalaika, and some piano. But it is not enjoyable for me, nothing is. I have been like this for so long that I have to force myself to do nearly anything. Things I found enjoyable in my youth I now dread.

2019-08-16 15:40:45 UTC  

What's a balalaika?

2019-08-16 22:41:37 UTC  

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/574290286340079626/612053383284523028/71gpzNzQIdL._SL1500_.jpg

2019-08-17 01:40:48 UTC  

@Biohazard6520 why is that, anything happen or you just in a rut

2019-08-17 02:11:09 UTC  

I just don't enjoy things anymore. I'm so mentally screwed up that I can't make myself enjoy anything. That may be from so many years of fighting with my mother, and her getting mad and saying things like "I don't deserve anything" or "I don't deserve happiness", stuff like that.

2019-08-17 02:11:34 UTC  

For as long as I remember if I enjoy something I ruin it for myself.

2019-08-17 02:12:10 UTC  

It's as if a voice in the back of my head is yelling at me telling me I do not deserve to be happy, or "how dare I enjoy something".

2019-08-17 02:12:27 UTC  

Living trapped in a hell inside my own head.

2019-08-17 02:13:20 UTC  

you should meditate on it, reflect on why you think like that, i belive everyone deserves to be happy my man even you

2019-08-17 02:13:41 UTC  

and if you ever having a bad day you can DM if you want

2019-08-17 02:13:55 UTC  

or just slap it in here and tag me

2019-08-17 02:14:32 UTC  

also try to change your way of thinking its very important to reflect on these things and ask your self why

2019-08-17 02:29:35 UTC  

Remember