For me it was guns, learning guitar, and just bring stubborn. Got diagnosed with a rare degenerative eye disease at 19 that prevented me doing the job I wanted since I was a child, shooting driving at night. High school sweetheart had a miscarriage and moved to OR with family, immediately followed by an extremely abusive one, I had no friends, no money, and no reason for anything. Just find something or someone to live for like these guys say^. Be stubborn, be persistent. Nag yourself. Shit'll buff out brother

I do not care for pity, nor do I deserve it. I just need to talk. A majority of my family is either dead, or I don't know them, and would kill half of them myself. I've never had a good relationship, and never really had friends. I am a bad person, I am cold emotionally, and as my own mother has told me among other things, I will never amount to anything in my life, and am a horrible person. I prefer solitude, because all I can do is hurt people, but as much as I may try to convince myself against it, I am lonely, and have been for a long time. There is not much reason in trying to live a life with no purpose, but that is exactly what I have been doing my whole life. I am filled with hate for so many things that I go days, even weeks without feeling anything but anger, sadness, and stres. I cope with this by making other people laugh, or arguing with people, I may as well learn something along the way.

All I do is work, then come home and work on these old brokeen vehicles. I never got to have much of a childhood.

Then you can make a change

I do not mean to take away from your problems at all, I just wish to talk.

You have control

You're in charge of what you do with yourself bro

I brought up what I am going through because I'm telling you that if I can get through that kind of shit, shit I have zero control over, then you can get through yours especially because of the fact that you have control

Sometimes the best thing you can do is vent man, bottling stuff in will eat you alive

^

Yep

Bro, life's a struggle, not to sound cliche or like a hippie, but you can't dwell on the bad shit my man. Find something that brings joy. You got this shit.

My choices in life are very limited, colorblind, type 1 diabetic, bi-laryngeal paraylysis, slight limp from a crushed foot.

What the hell is bi-laryngeal paralysis

Your larynx is your "voice box"

If I let bad shit eat me I wouldn't be self employed in my dream job. Such a long road for me to get here but it did it. Teach yourself something super useful, like machining, or welding, or rust analysis and dive headfirst into it. You gotta find your obsession bro

Half of mine is paralyzed

So what, you sound like Godfather on Generation Kill?

I can only breath half of my throat open. So if I don't hold my throat certain way when I speak I sound worse than a ghoul from fallout 3

I get out of breath easily, it's like breathing through a straw.

Shit son

If I drink in just a slightly wrong way I asphyxiate

Well, look here

I also took from me one of the few things I was good at years ago, singing.

Even with all that, you still have control over your shit

You want friends? Make em. Want to change your personality? Do it. Wanna get in touch with your emotions? Get in touch

You can do these things

And that's what's important

I can't even stand the sound of my own name

Then you need to fix that problem first

I don't know what to say. I've hated myself for so long I can't even bring myself to even image any other way.

That's why everyone is telling you to find something that give you purpose. You'll start feeling useful

I wish I could. But it is not that easy. I live out in the woods very far. There is nothing here, anywhere here for me. I do not have money to just get up and go somewhere.

You like music?

Download a DAW and teach yourself how to compose.

Ultimately whether or not you believe something is possible holds you back more then whether or not it actually is dude.

I was a percussionist years ago, and can play some guitar/balalaika, and some piano. But it is not enjoyable for me, nothing is. I have been like this for so long that I have to force myself to do nearly anything. Things I found enjoyable in my youth I now dread.

What's a balalaika?

@Biohazard6520 why is that, anything happen or you just in a rut

I just don't enjoy things anymore. I'm so mentally screwed up that I can't make myself enjoy anything. That may be from so many years of fighting with my mother, and her getting mad and saying things like "I don't deserve anything" or "I don't deserve happiness", stuff like that.