Any medical change? Medicine? Trauma? Someone introduced in your life?

- I'm not waiting for a boat or meeting any pier connections. I'm not travelling back and forth endlessly, up n down the coast. The other night is blurry, but I know that most of what I dreamt *last* night is a **repeat** of that *other* night. For whatever reason, I'm supposed to be keeping tabs on where who is when ( G o d . How I wish that were actually my job ). And when I get down to the beach, to call on some 2 persons we're missing, I find them. And it turns out our BBQ has to be dug out from the sand ( apparently someone was cooking last night, and left the grill for the over night tide). Fine. Whatever. I go back and come with a small ditsy shovel, trying to rescue it from this *perfectly straight **trench*** along the beach. I never know if I ever dig it out or not. . .

Ehhh - I've done some extra drugs ( psychs included ) that have shifted some big parameters in terms of how I see everything in my life rn, but nothing like, LIFE changing. Just notes.

No medicinal changes - drinking and smoking significantly less.
No new people - I mean, they're ALL *ALWAYS* new people in and around where I work - but no one SHAKING my core.
No new trauma - I mean, I lost a relationship of 2 years on - off - but that's not a surprise.

Anywhow.

Before I can verify or check or ensure that whatever I did at the beach was done, I bump into and meet ( at least ) 2 people done up like pirates. And they have a fucking GALLEY. and it's parked AT THE BEACH.

( MFR I swear I was supposed to CLEAN the beach for the arrival of this fucking GALLEON )

I'm not gonna get too in to details here, but there's a period of a few days ( in dream ) where I'm sorting out land logistics ( packing - running round - whatever else ) a

and then there's a long ass period about going off, and being with the people on this boat, and doing boaty things

There are parts I'm skimming that I can't remember right this second - but I swear, to the best of my knowledge, Squib is the captain.

And this is *The Boat*.

But I'm gonna be flashin through it in my head for a while looking for symbolism, now that you mention death. . .

I've had dreams about the river styx. To be honest I think it referenced change of life.

Welcome aboard crab?

idk man - sounds like my skittery ass needs to run around and sort out some land shit first. . .

The only reason I can think of this ship popping up all of a sudden is. . .

. . . There's not *as much left* that I have to get done. . .

Word. Could be. Maybe you've got stuff you want to handle locally, but feel like leaving too. Like.... you have obligations "at home" but want a change of pace too

Well, here's the fun part. . .

I pretty much ( and yes Kings, this is NOT how you do it ) sabotaged my relationship.
SPECIFICALLY to open up my future tbh.

I could have just left her - I took some much harsher avenues - but I really couldn't stay with someone who kept telling me about ""how excited they are to spend the next 5+ years together""

Nah bruh, I've had that option too. Sometimes it just happens that way. The sabatage.

Ah. It happens man. Done it in the past myself

Yeah. Exactly.

"" *Babe, I'm sorry, but if you don't like guns, and you won't grow your hair out, and you have a career in mind, then kindly let me go **b 0 0 l***. ""

But she wouldn't even let me talk about it. . .

Good choice to leave then

Things ( why am I rambling THIS ) fell off about a month ago, when I tried to come down on her ( HARD ) about how badly I needed my own space.

And she sort of just took it personally, said "You have a lot to process. And you need someone to talk to."

Okay.

*You're Not. WRONG.*

but that's one wild fucking way of saying "" I don't wanna listen to your personal shit anymore ""

Word

sounds like severe incompatibility if anti gun

For the past several weeks "Hey lol, doomer shit"

"that sounds shitty"

"wow I'm sorry to hear that"

"that must be tough"

Look - I'm not asking YOU to sort MY problems

but I would love SOME understanding

above obligatory pleasantries. . .

^

Get yourself sorted before next long term relationship of course. But you did good ending it.