Message from @A Centrist Gamer
Discord ID: 455344629773238272
Good.
I ain't becoming a MGTOW (I know that's not what you meant but)
I understand
So wait, you're afraid of rejection?
It's a couple of factors really
Indulge me
But mostly it's the idea of giving someone every single facet of my mindset and stuff to someone and the possibility of the relationship going downhill after pouring every ounce of myself to another person to have it be all wasted is terrifying to me.
It doesn't help that I don't have the greatest headspace to be in any relationship currently as well.
Like, mental health wise.
Ohhhhhh okay yeah I get you
You're afraid of being vulnerable to someone and them not caring for you anymore
yup
Understandable
But it's something you have to risk
no
Yes
No
You can't make me..
You're not my momma
Dude it'll be worth it
Well, again, I'm not too well mentally to begin with.
So, I really don't want to go into a relationship until I have at least some of that under control.
How so?
Like, real talk, I genuinely hate myself.
That's just how I feel.
And I think negatively a lot.
Dude why?
I mean, I don't like certain parts of myself and I used to hate myself
I've had this negative opinion of myself for a while, probably started off as self depricating humor and spiraled out of control to the point where I started to believe my own jokes
i feel that irl my attitude just annoys people and feel like a burden to peole.
To me it was the other way around
No wait, I actually remember now.
People said mean things to me and then I'd just use self depricating humor to get out
I didn't do so well in school and I felt like a dissapointment to my parents for not doing as well as I should have, now that I actually thought about it.
Then whenever I made one of those jokes around my ex she'd glare at me or say 'please don't say that'
I doubt you disappointed your parents, that's hard to do
no, but considering my parents wanted me to do well, and when I didn't meet expectations, it just made me feel the most horrible feeling of self-loathing i've felt, and I've never really gotten a hold of it.
It pretty much comes and goes depending on whatever circumstances I find myself into + how my mind decides to perceive these situations.
Like I go through periods of times where I just don't want to be anywhere, and then after a while, it just goes away, and everything is okay-ish.
Your parents have expectations, but they also want you to be happy