Two nudists were discussing politics. The first asked the other, "So, have you read Marx?"

"Yes," the other man replied, "it's these damn wicker chairs!"

my husband every time

^me if I get a wife^

Saw a midget repelling down the wall of a prison.
Thought to myself, that's a little con descending.

Did you hear about the psychic dwarf who escaped prison?

He's a small medium at large.

Then there was the nudist colony with a hole in it's fence.
The police are looking into it.

A man crashed into a nudist colony.
Not because he wasn't looking where he was going.
Quite the opposite, actually.

He was trying to get through the hole

There is a joke I once heard that I wish I could remember. It was about a mom giving a dad instructions about the kids..then the dad helping the kids pack as if they were being kicked out of the house by the mom. It was hilarious. Anyone know it?

Mom: “honey, I need you to take the kids.”
Dad : “and we are going to need toothbrushes.”

This is one that I remember

Did you here the one about the cannibal who passed his friend in the jungle?

No, but I heard he didn’t have the heart after all

What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork!

Credit to @arivera3d , posted in <#801170177902772254>

I tried walking into a Target but I missed

In Syria, there are no walmarts. Only targets.

Here, now, is the unwritten rule for making a perfect dad joke:

Why did the chicken cross the road?


||to get to the other side||

The zamboni driver from my local ice skating rink has disappeared, but I'm not worried; I'm sure he'll be resurfacing soon.

That's called an anti-joke <:Fluffy:380586684733194241>

@Nope my oldest niece once asked me how that joke was supposed to be funny, and I had to spend the next ten minutes trying to explain subversion of expectations to a ten year old.

<:KEK:795742276549607456> <a:oof:732639641022234717>

A cheeseburger walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Get out! We don't serve food here."

Smirk...

Ay boys

What do you call a cow with no legs

GROUND BEEF

*dad laupghs*

Why are dinosaurs no longer around?

||Because their eggs stink.||

@ScottRauch posted in <#801170177902772254>

What does a 747 make when it bounces?

||Boeing, Boeing, Boeing||

I'm scared

Nope

My teacher told me to turn in my essay and I said "I ain't no snitch"

Wanna hear a story about someone raging?