I'm a tourist at the end of the world. Destination: Jeb Site-19. Closest real Jeb Foundation installation, only makes sense. I'm getting some answers. RECORDED FILE 0001-1

Context: Encounter with Jeb Foundation elements a few days after leaving my shelter. Watching weird behavior
(Viewing a group of Jeb Foundation soldiers in a clearing from a distance - nine in total, stood in a line. A tenth soldier, the Commander, is silently pacing back and forth in front of them. Uniforms and insignia look like those of JTF Epsilon-6 ("Servant Idiots"). After a few seconds, the Commander claps her hands once and steps towards the line.)
Commander: (to first soldier in line) Performing the check now.

Soldier #1: Of course. (The Commander takes out a knife and stabs the soldier in the shoulder. There is no reaction.)

Commander: (removing knife) Get that wound treated.

(The soldier nods. The Commander proceeds to stab each soldier in the line in the same way, with no reaction from any of the victims, until the eighth, who noticeably winces Soldier #8: Argh!

"Ajax.... I have a confession to make" Rex added.

"Ah, which confession, Rex?" Ajax also added. "Is it... you're rich, or is it something else, hmm?"

Thank you! I tried, lol. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Now read mine aa

"Uhm, a different type of confession, Ajax..." Rex was indeed shy.

I am lol

"Ooh, tell me, tell me!!!" Ajax was excited, very excited to hear about Rex's so-called "Confession"

(man this is going to be soo good)

I like the concept, but I'm kind of confused at the conversation pieces afterwards. Also, I'm busy writing my next bit for the story. I've skipped ahead a little, but I think this teaser will give something to look forward to.

Which?

Story?

Something initially written for Sgt. Barkley for his birthday, and by popular demand I have kept going with it.

oo

Oh

Now do a critique of mine

Hehehehehe

Hold on, gimme a minute.

I like the interactions but am a bit lost on who is who. Maybe adding some visual description to each of the people; introduce them through their position in the room?

The "confession" would be great

on this I mean

Aaaaa

Is the confession a gay love confession?

spoilers bro

<:KEK:795742276549607456> <:KEK:795742276549607456> <:KEK:795742276549607456>

yes

Yeah

definitely avoid that in the beginning; it feels like we just met the characters

95% possible

<:KEK:795742276549607456> <:KEK:795742276549607456>

5% not

unless the story starts with that, a la Crazy Rich Asians

Yep

94-95% possible

<:KEK:795742276549607456> <:KEK:795742276549607456> <:KEK:795742276549607456>

I'd have the relationship be pre-existing in that case. At least have them be friends perhaps? I can't imagine going over to someone's house on a first meeting

Summary: There is this one dude pretending to be broke and realized he was rich

Yep sure

Thats the friend stage <:KEK:795742276549607456>

Yah ill do it on my notepad