How do you know your flight is leaving in exactly 6 hours?

||your dad just got to the airport||

@Lord Industry think Dr Seuss

I know this might make me sound big headed, but I can't get my fucking jumper off

I've accidentally swallowed invisible ink. ||I've called the doctor but he can't see me||

I've just lost my job as an ice cream tester. ||I couldn't do sundaes...||

The inventor of the crossword puzzle lives near me. ||He's three streets across and two down.||

I really, really hate those bleach blocks that people put in toilets. ||Sorry - I just had to get that out of my cistern.||

I remember going to see Dr. Hook in the 70s. ||Worst prostate exam ever||

There's a new TV show on tonight about origami. ||It's paper view||

My mate Dave reckon's he can tighten a tire lug nut just by sitting on it. ||Personally I think he torque's through his arse.||

It is my sad duty to report the death of my grandad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice. ||Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences.||

Why is the North Korean dictator so evil? ||Because he has no Seoul.||

I used to be in a band called "Waxed Paper Circle". ||We covered The Jam.||

I bought a $6000 home cinema system. However when I try to watch any war films it shuts off. ||Turns out it's a conscientious projector||

this for all the aging dads up in here XD https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uta1gEdkUtU

I recently signed up for a New York jogging club. Seemed like a walk in the park.

Ok thanks for clarifying that it was a good joke

I always wondered why the ancient Egyptians never voted on their next ruler. I guess they were beyond pharaohness.

How do clouds get around? In a NimBus.

How do 19th century germans tie their shoes? "In little Nazis"

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree
Monkey see monkey do🐒

```I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.```

Im not racist, I dont hate any races
exept....
||nascar||

Dubai is like hold my beer

i hate this channel

Why

its both sad and beautiful

my dad just sent my mom this via facebook... no it is not a picture of him

Should’ve posted it on her wall @SnowWhite❄

I promise you he doesn't know how

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to want to change

What do you call a drag Queen before noon ?
||Mr||

The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejeykll