Message from @fallot
Discord ID: 300277038948941825
this is just how people obscure things
by saying "its complicated"
I have an allergy to that
whatever cannot be reduced to something simple, is not understood
the fundamental thing about me is I feel chronically empty and unsatisfied and I am extremely angry over how shitty everyone and everything is to make me feel that way, an I bounce from thing to thing trying to find something not shitty
yeah that sounds like my second category
I've examined myself pretty thoroughly at this point
if there is a void in you
you can't fill it up, it's simply impossible
it will suck everything up
everything will be transient
good
the only real answer is to let go of stuff like that, rediscover vulnerability
basically, do exactly the opposite
everything else is just feeding the beast
I used to seek things to fill the void, but then I realized the struggle to fill it is a great impetus in my life, it is my engine
I do not really desire stability anymore
except in some key areas
and with key people
I have been doing psychiatry lately, I really like it a lot. I think I will try to specialize in it, especially working with the craziest people at their worst
I'm a little annoyed I gave you the benefit of the doubt for so long, but I still believe everything I said at the time
I am the sort of person who needs progressively more stimulus in life
and now at this point in my adult life I basically need people to be screaming and attacking each other and having withdrawal seizures and stuff just to feel alive at the end of the day
if every day is not a literal riot then I go home feeling empty
do you realize you're just getting worse?
am I? look at the direction of the world
you'll be a pathetic shell at like 50
by the time I am 50 we might see global starvation
talk to me
please
dont bounce off me
no I am serious
I understand it's a gamble, yes
I could grow up to be 50 years old and in perfect health and everything being super boring
but I really do not see it that way
I think we are all likely to live through a world war, drone surveillance and some real dystopian stuff
as it is basically already starting now
so I do not see it as necessarily a bad thing that I am a person who needs progressive stimulation in life
that's your problem
and if it comes down to it, when I retire I want to draw comics
inability to see outside yourself