and with key people

I have been doing psychiatry lately, I really like it a lot. I think I will try to specialize in it, especially working with the craziest people at their worst

I'm a little annoyed I gave you the benefit of the doubt for so long, but I still believe everything I said at the time

I am the sort of person who needs progressively more stimulus in life

and now at this point in my adult life I basically need people to be screaming and attacking each other and having withdrawal seizures and stuff just to feel alive at the end of the day

if every day is not a literal riot then I go home feeling empty

do you realize you're just getting worse?

am I? look at the direction of the world

you'll be a pathetic shell at like 50

by the time I am 50 we might see global starvation

talk to me

please

dont bounce off me

no I am serious

I understand it's a gamble, yes

I could grow up to be 50 years old and in perfect health and everything being super boring

but I really do not see it that way

I think we are all likely to live through a world war, drone surveillance and some real dystopian stuff

as it is basically already starting now

so I do not see it as necessarily a bad thing that I am a person who needs progressive stimulation in life

that's your problem

and if it comes down to it, when I retire I want to draw comics

inability to see outside yourself

you obviously have some insight into your situation

in terms of mentality/psyche

and you realize its not okay

trebling down is not the answer, its not a solution, its the problem manifesting itself

the only way out is through exactly what you wouldn't even dream of doing

and probably would be afraid of

suicide?

no, no

self abnegation

it's not pain all the way down

the "medicine" for the pain

actually makes it worse

just shifts the misery to the end of life

or later in life, whenever, it's difficult to say

the real reason I want you to do the 24 hour exercize @Deleted User 57835c2c is to see whether you are actually a hollow person or if what I think is correct, that there's something in there that's good

what if I were a hollow person and good at the same time?

not possible

oh, but it really could be