at the same time, there is the pull of the deeply felt truth

that you cannot say no to

no matter how much you want

I don't

I just do not share it

that is private

such a thing cannot truly be private, it's your true self

and that's why you would be unable to grow

vulnerability allows growth

I see what you mean

to an extent I agree

I find my life goes better when I am a bit more real and raw

and let my "true self" hang out

but I also know that if I fully exposed myself I would be penniless and ostracized in moments

my belief is, everyone is vulnerable

he who is invulnerable, isn't real

I make myself vulnerable

I get you

I agree

so basically I am fake because I am so guarded, which is true

but I don't know how it is for you really

in terms of how it feels

no, that's exactly how it feels

do you appreciate how much you come off that way to others though? I've always wondered

in online chats I mean

not real life

I wake up in the morning and before I leave, I look in the mirror and swear an oath to never say anything true about myself to any coworker or stranger I meet

I seriously do that every day

and then I don't

they are still not sure which part of the country I am even from

I tell different stories to different people

they do not know if I like them or hate them

they are never sure if I am serious when I say things

people with your "problem" can indeed become very successful in life

by feeding the beast

sociopaths are CEOs, NPD people are superstars

you're right

but the thing is, I do not enjoy it

they don't either

that's what I'm on about, it's ultimately empty

I only want to get enough money to be able to afford rent and lentils indefinitely