that's the funniest part, I do not even enjoy being how I am. It is useful but I only turned out this way because my life directly forced me to, otherwise I never would've had any guile at all

that is part of why I hate the world so much, it forced me to become mini satan just to survive

I think we already had a productive conversation

by the way I'm very happy about that, thank you

I felt like I spoke to a real person

good

I think I'm fine with leaving it at that unless you want to continue

well, there's not much to say on the topic

actually, one more point

I don't know if you considered it

I think my narcissism is part innate, but hugely exacerbated by having to chronically lie

it's funny, what you said about your life

I'm in some ways the exact opposite too

if I am not narcissistic I will lose sense of myself entirely

I only turned out fine because I had a great life, otherwise I am predisposed potentially to being a pretty bad person

lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF

no see

that is the fear, the wall

the barrier

there's something real beyond that

you keep responding to that fear, thinking you're doing something about it

you're not, you're just delaying things

of course, and if I became that person I would be impoverished instantly

because the ultimate issue remains unresolved

maybe you could become that way slowly

if I were real I would quit medical school yesterday and just start drawing comics and play guitar

I would just make art all day every day

and be poor

would you like to do that

I know a girl who is a professional artist, she is disney grade

if you could eke out a living

she lost weight due to starvation

hypothetically

she is better than I ever will be

but she lives with her parents and cannot afford enough food

is she happy

no

she started gradually becoming a tumblr SJW

oh well

last I saw she got an undercut

she posted stuff about how the mormon church should basically go SJW and I called it retarded and she blocked me on social media