Message from @fallot
Discord ID: 300285916587753473
what even are my motivations?
all I want is what I consider basic human freedom
your stated motivations I mean
it just requires being a hardcore sociopath to get there
that's the funniest part, I do not even enjoy being how I am. It is useful but I only turned out this way because my life directly forced me to, otherwise I never would've had any guile at all
that is part of why I hate the world so much, it forced me to become mini satan just to survive
I think we already had a productive conversation
by the way I'm very happy about that, thank you
I felt like I spoke to a real person
good
I think I'm fine with leaving it at that unless you want to continue
well, there's not much to say on the topic
actually, one more point
I don't know if you considered it
I think my narcissism is part innate, but hugely exacerbated by having to chronically lie
it's funny, what you said about your life
I'm in some ways the exact opposite too
if I am not narcissistic I will lose sense of myself entirely
I only turned out fine because I had a great life, otherwise I am predisposed potentially to being a pretty bad person
lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF
that is the fear, the wall
the barrier
there's something real beyond that
you keep responding to that fear, thinking you're doing something about it
you're not, you're just delaying things
of course, and if I became that person I would be impoverished instantly
because the ultimate issue remains unresolved
maybe you could become that way slowly
if I were real I would quit medical school yesterday and just start drawing comics and play guitar
I would just make art all day every day
and be poor
would you like to do that
I know a girl who is a professional artist, she is disney grade
if you could eke out a living
she lost weight due to starvation
hypothetically
she is better than I ever will be
but she lives with her parents and cannot afford enough food
is she happy
no