things changed

my family changed a lot since then

and I really hate getting older

as I said, sounds dumb. But when you suffer from anxiety, everything looks like a nightmare

The best thing you can do then is to push till your that age and the same, and I understand but do you mind me asking what you relapsed with? alochol, drugs, cutting? if not its cool

alcohol

I dont have anxiety but I had deoression real bad as a tee

Sorry

I mean, I use alcohol to feel ''better''

I suffer from a high degree of anxiety and depression

weeks ago I was feeling better

dunno how to put it

I get that. alcohol helps make you feel better. The important thing is that your not beating yourself up over relapse, shit happens and ya gotta keep truckin

Shit changes sometimes its good sometimes ya aint

but it changed to the worst

That happens and you cant blame yourself for it, its not your fault

How long was it?

Since your last one?

couple of months

besides the panick attacks I had 4 months ago

Ok so your making progress, you cant quit anything cold turkey, relapses are to be expected. Your current goal should try to go as long as you can and keep pushing that time longer and longer. its not your fault

Good job btw

I called the suicide hotline years ago

wish I don't have to do it again

most of my time I ask myself what is the point of living

Some say I should so I take care of others

but whats the point?

do I have to wake up every single day to just live and suffer?

Do you want to know what doesn't make me commit suicide?

I was about 15 when my friend told the guidance counceler that he thought I was gonna kill myself. I went there and found out I didnt need to be there. Since then I have fought day in and day out to keep going but what helps me is I found porpuse, I dedicated myself to something greater then me so while I may not make it into the history books I now I make a difference.

So I can see my family and friends

There ya go

I love all so much

But it makes me extremely sad to know I have to say goodbye to them

like I had with my grandfather

It really hurts

Then everytime you get that thought 'why go on living' think of them, think of what you mean to them and what they mean to you and dedicate your life to them and making your own

Dismiss it as soon as it enters your head, thats the hard part, fighting your own thoughts. I joined my local volunteer fire company at 16, started running calls a few weeks later. I live for it, it is my porpuse. My advice, find something to define you wether it be volunteering or building. Find something you can call your own and dive into it

Make your life too important to take away, thats what did it for me, and it took a while, a very long time. But from wanting to end it all 5 years ago, now Im a volunteer firefighter (did some pretty kick ass stuff too, and im very respected there) and im an adult leader for the local cub scout pack, I'm 20 and I've had 10 yr olds tell me they want to grow up just like me.

Find something to love about yourself MORE then you can hate. And honestly i can say I'd miss you if you go too

tbh