plus, the non-feminist ladies are usually looking younger, so you're more likely to find them then

Oh yeah! Got to save for the future. And really work on yourself as a person, social skills etc. I cringe to think of the stupid shit I did when I was young because I just didn't understand how I was perceived.

Yeah old NEETs are just uglier versions of young NEETs sadly

I think it helps a marriage if you finish that growing up together - helps you grow in more compatible ways

when you're older, you're less flexible

@madchatter If 2 people who are going to be attracted to the same thing in 20 years are lucky enough to meet when they are young... sure.

But, I'm pretty jaded on that idea at this point.

relationships are a choice, not an accident

you have to decide to be all in; it really changes your mindset

both have to

Marriages are like a corporation IMHO, it's a way to get a tax break and manage jointly used assets

I spent a lot of time in divorced fathers groups and the biggest take away I got (other than some men are shit and I wish they didn't try to play it off like they are one of use) is that if they hadn't got married in their 20s, they would have had any interest in each other in their mid 30s.

So....suicide pact?

lol

I've got a friend in a murder-suicide pact. Not really my thing. I found a partner. We come home to each other every day because we want to. At any point either one of us can not come home.

It's very reassuring to know that your partner chooses you every day. It's not a legal obligation.

I've got many relatives that have been married decades, most married young; nearly all gave me the advice to that marriage is about commitment, not just attraction

We keep our finances separate. She bought the house. I pay her rent. If we split, the equity is hers. We make up our "pre-nup" as we go.

I hope that keeps working out for you.

👍 over ten years and it just keeps getting better :)

@madchatter of course marriage is about commitment. And when a woman is no longer committed, she gets everything she wants. That is the default pre-nup that you sign with your marriage license if you don't sign a different one.

we agreed from the beginning that divorce was off the table

I know plenty of happily married people

@madchatter sure, divorce wasn't an option for us either. we me in church. kept our relationship pure. had our first kiss at our wedding. shared our devout Christian values... until she decided it was a mistake. there are NO ASSURANCES. even when you "do everything right".

no, but there are things that can affect the outcome

open communication being one of the biggest

I'm not saying I doubt you, @madchatter . I'm happy for you. But you have to recognize that you dodged a statistical bullet.

by making it 10 years, you beat the greatest set of odds.

50% of marriages end in divorce. The rest end in death. Or so the joke goes.

I guess I'm just saying that it's not as random chance as people tend to think, but I do want to be careful here to not insult anyone who's had problems :/

the next barrier is getting your kids through college.

pull that off and you pretty much got it.

meh. I didn't bring it up to deabe with you, @madchatter . I was addressing @Deleted User who seems to have dropped off.

Isn't it 30% of first time marriages in the US end in divorce?

The 50% is from stupid people who keep getting married and divorced multiple times

our early relationship was a lot of arguing - we both have strong personalities - but we worked through it, and I hate to see how some people (not saying you, just people in general) give up instead of fighting, and just wait for the magical "perfect" person to come along

The joke is 50/50. Reality is far less funny.

no one is perfect, everyone will disappoint you, you just gotta find someone who will stubborn it out with you

That's why I don't bother to set high expectations and make sure to disappoint early and often 👍

the longer you're together, the better you know each other, the easier it gets

@madchatter at some point men with guns tell you where you are and are not welcome. You don't keep fighting at that point.