So one day

I get into a car accident,t-boned hardcore. It raked the entire length of the car,pretty much hammered the doors shut

and after im safe n home n shit

I post a picture being sarcastic "Car crashes r fun ;D lololo"

and she goes "Maybe it WAS you !"

and I'm like "Bitch wtf,why would I even post a picture of a wrecked car and just mock that ?" thats just dumb and gross people brain

so we get to arguing and I said fuck it,leave me the fuck alone

and shes trying to play around and just p.much doesnt wanna be alone and keeps messaging me

idk why I ever asked,but I remember she told me she was a vampire

so

after we broke up. I got "What the fuck was that vampire shit about anyways ?"

whooo

She goes" I am vampire from the 1257 and I've been around since before the plague. I've seen lovers come and go and if you arent nice to me anymore I'll take your life through your neck!." I lol'

Tells me more shit about losing a husband in the civil war and that when he was shot and the war was over that one of his war buddies brought back a picture of him

and lmao I ask her "Let me see it then" and she tried to smack me in the face and I just bolted home

tldr. dont date landwhale anime girls

she ended up staying a whole day in my room while my bros n i went camping and I had no fucking idea

my mom n them even god damn fed her

Strong yike

Yeah sorry that was long winded

That's gonna be a nuclear tier yike from.
me

She would try to bite my fucking neck and not in the "Hell yeah bitch" way

🇫

I'm trying to find something witty to say but I'm speechless

ok lemme pee and get a smoke in then I'll tell ya about the other bitch,this ones a little more exciting

Hence the f

Ho-lee fuck bud

I cant wait to see what will top that shit lol

So here we go folks

So I'm absolute blasted hanging out with some people from work

Good news guys

Send it

Both of you

and I mean I am pretty much so cooked I'm angel hair pasta at this time

and I get a text" Hey are you free?" and I'm oh hell yeah whaddup

Lmao

and we link up and are just driving around for a bit.get some donuts and we are chillin and smoochin

and she goes" before we go to my place I need to stop at my sisters" and yeah ok whatever

and she pulls into the driveway,and shes been all sweet and nice n shit the whole night

within a mere molecule of measure time she flips that shit and lays on the horn for a solid 3 minutes